A tiger just walked into my room
I stop breathing
It walks casually around the perimeter, investigating, unfazed by my presence
I don’t think its noticed me
I’m motionless, silent but the fear inside me is deafening
I hope the tiger can’t hear my fear
It’s purrs sound safe but they are interrupted by an occasional low lazy growl of undecided and perhaps ill intent
My mouth is so dry it burns but the drink on the table before me seems a million miles away right now
I watch the tiger intently as it passes me on its way to survey the bedroom
The tiger does not acknowledge me as it passes, perhaps it hasn’t seen me
I hope it has eaten
It brushes past my arm as it reenters the room and my muscles lock in tension,
The tigers body felt warm
I notice how beautiful, how majestic, its head suddenly turns to me as if to acknowledge the compliment of my thought
Don’t think! Idiot! it can hear your thoughts
I gulp…. it’s staring right at me now

The tiger has seen me, that’s it… I’m done for
It looks at me, into me, deep down inside, tasting my soul to see if its something that may suffice as a snack until dinner
I hope my soul tastes bitter
The tiger slowly approaches, its eyes fixed to mine
I can’t run, even if I could I’d never make it to the door
Please let my soul taste bitter
So this is how it ends, I end
In these closing seconds I try to make my peace with the world, myself
I surrender to my fate of teeth and claws
I surrender
Hmmm, surrender feels ok actually
I let go, my muscles let go, the deafening tension dissolves and calm fills me
I hope my soul tastes sweet
Please let my soul taste sweet, at least that, let my last achievement be a decent meal
The tigers face touches mine, it sniffs me and exhales, breath humid and warm like the jungle
I say goodbye to myself
I close my eyes and welcome its teeth to take me
I’m at peace, I am peace

But moments pass
And moments more
Yet I’m not eaten
My eyes open to see the tiger laying down by my feet
I’m perplexed
I finally exhale
I am saved! I am safe! shhhhh! Stop thinking so loudly
This tiger has mercy for me
Perhaps it likes me, perhaps we could be friends
Pretty cool to roll up somewhere with a tiger in tow
The tiger reaches out and places a very heavy paw on top of my foot, pinning me effortlessly to the floor
Looks like I’m going nowhere

I hope my soul tastes bitter
Please let my soul taste bitter

You are the restless tattoo of my sorrow
Inked deeper than my skin, deeper than my bone
Your brilliance shines through to my most hidden my most protected depths
Thoughts, emotions... these are no match for you,
They are consumed, obliterated in your wake
Your caress deafens me, shakes my existence
Hold me in those cruel arms, I will not shun you
Let your suffocating presence steal my breath once more

Be calm my beautiful friend
I greet you without fear
I am listening, confide in me
You are welcome here

I sometimes talk to others with the same tone I talk to myself
With the same criticality, the same distain
Sometimes I don’t
Sometimes I’m forgiving, I’m tender
Sometimes I’m compassionate and kind
I must remember this
To keep it in mind
For the next time
Myself and I
Speak again

I am all the things I despise in others but I am all that is virtue
I am all the shame but I am all the redemption
I am all the fear but I am all the courage
I am all the hate but I am all the love
I am all the blame but I am all the compassion
I am all the guilt but I am all the forgiveness
I am all the judgement but I am all the acceptance
I am all that is human but I am one human
I am all that is separate but I am all that is one
I am reflected but I exist
I am
I

How come I always end up, back on square one?
And how come square one, whilst always familiar, is never quite the same as it was before?
Is it the same square one or a different one I’ve landed on?
… maybe there’s more than one of them out there
A life boobytrapped with thousands of invisible square ones scattered all over the place
Must I visit them all before I never have to return there?
And if true…
Will I simply end up, back on square two?

If I view the world with sadness, the weight I carry prevents me from flight
If I view the world with cynicism, my opinions and judgements form the bars of my cage
If I view the world with anger or hatred, I know that fear has become my shadow
If I view myself with unconditional love, if I can allow myself such forgiveness?
As my eyes become my heart, all that I carry is unburdened, the bars of my cage dissolve and I fly free without shadow

Imagine all around you are angels
lost as you once were
not even knowing they are angels at all

Rise up and become that angel you have found within yourself
be a light in their darkness
so that they may feel the comfort you had once so desperately yearned for

We never left the garden of Eden
We simply lost our ability to see it
By not being the you that tries to live life but instead having the faith to allow life to live through you
We may return there

My eyes ache from seeing
Sound wounds me
All matter is overwhelming
I cannot cope
Please stop everything, for just a moment
Grace me with empty blackness
Silence beyond silence
The peace inside my being
From where I witness my suffering, the beauty of it

Take me to the shore and burn my body
But let my heart remain
Scorch my bones to ash
But let my heart remain
Let the waves wash away my cinders
But let my heart remain
Then burn my heart with the whitest of flames
So it is only the “I” that remains
The fire cannot burn this truth

a flower that only opens her petals for the sun will know little of a world without sunshine
the rainy days which help her to grow would always remain a mystery