Never would I intend
To wreck your home
I just miss the brass against my palm
When I'd walk in to find you sleeping sound
Expedited pipeline from cold to comfort
You'd smile at me

I don't want to shift your foundation
You'd hedges seem well maintained
Frankly, my siding needs attention.

I cross the street against my will, the better judgment saves me one more time.
I wouldn't know who opened the door anyway
I have yet to practice my sales pitch

A fraud, or an illusion
Just find different ways of saying the same ****
Over and over
Lets get back to grunting

I still look for it by accident
Sometimes it's blue
The modern way of hearing from you
The stamps weren't expensive
But money never was the problem

The margarita made me miss you more
I'd go back to Miami or Vegas in a second if I could
But not without you
You'd know the words to this song
You'd grab my leg and make me feel safe
I can't believe you're moving
All of our memories are there
I wish I understood the avoidant mind
I wish I could help you
But would that lead you to me?
Maybe not

we kissed under the mistletoe
unabashed
hand on the small of my back
first and last

there's flakes making my hair wet
warm showers rubbing your back

what you'd boast
If you were across from me

It's been months, years even
since I knew where you were
Despite you laid against me

That shouldn't be what I long for
But I'll miss your cranium
And being the one
That got to see your mouth turn upright
Or down
When something hits home


All the best, of course.
But ow for now.

former lessons I wish I grasped
Before it all fell through my hands
We think of each other
You? No them, or him, maybe her
I wish I understood then
I wish they didn't cancel the show
I wonder if you noticed, too?
Will I ever see them again? Or him? Or her?
Or you?
I need to release the control I never had
The tail I'm chasing was clipped - who knew?

I'll never see you again
I'll likely never hear your voice
I forget what it looks like when you brush your hair behind your ear
But I'll always remember what you order
And the snacks you'd reach for every time
And I'll remember to be grateful that
Even if you don't like those Doritos anymore
You used to
And me
And that's worth everything
And nothing

Like an experiment
What makes you this way?
Ask 'why' one more time but make it twelve
Repeat reaction

You'd move the box if you tripped over it as much as you do yourself, silly goose

Why do you need it?
You're not a vampire
Nor a Ferris wheel

Get it together

the rose dipped solid
wouldn't wilt
even if you begged it to

pick and pull the rest until they're stems

I thought yellow would shine eternal
I never had a favorite flower
The unmistakable hues of genuine -
Oh?
It died

Loving and painful
I don't believe I've learned to grieve
Nobody has
Cicadas have me trapped in an echo chamber
That's a projection

The voice I hear before I sleep really loves hindsight

I guess the waves can't
Warn the beach
Aside from the waves
Which have measurable patterns and habits
Silly people never pay attention

justice for former bloodshed

Though it really seems they could
A seemingly inevitable parallel
Always between what one deeply desires
And what awaits on the other side of that sharp and beautiful exhale

again and again and again and again?
****!
A comedic autobiography with tinges
nihilism Darwinism sandwiched w professionalism?
it really is stupid and oxymoronic

Are delusions any more tangible than fleeting confidence or a temporary motivation?
Contemplating I no longer have a grasp of what is tangible
The root of the void has been in-
Distracted by housewives.

it's thick and makes my head hurt
torn between sleeping it off knowing that never works
repeating feels like peeling slowly
the burning never gets easier
i can see myself spiraling
nobody should catch me
why do i hate spinning but don't put my feet down

you're new but feel so familiar
character you're named after, you're shocked i know the reference
i used to spend my days breaking in the spines of crisp new pages
I'd love to write a book
do I appear uneducated?
stellar gpa, i knew it wouldn't be important
but that is relative
my book and street smart have shifted balance
i'd take the charge
media rotting my brain in a way the magic tree house never did
books you can choose the ending
i lack the ability to think forward
stuck so vividly in the present, I prefer it to the past.
opening my eyes has become the turning of a page
it all ends and starts again, always. everything.
cover to cover in 24hr. where has my attention gone
a series of short circuits keep me afloat
i hope my stream flows somewhere beautiful
i do miss the mountains
why do I gravitate towards what feels familiar

yesterday's shift still aching in my bones
one more hour still isn't enough
unrequited energy, metaphysical
tumultuous intrusions echoing through my bones
home is an allusion to the beginning and end
feathering memories, a time capsule before you go
unconscious peace, finally good rest
lethargic upon wake, it will be indefinite.

the most painful band aid i've ever ripped
eye opening, too much so it hurts
i can't shut them again

i'll never see that darkness
birthdays won't be shocking
i deserve to age and experience

the release of a trauma bond
i can't help but see it everywhere around me
i see myself in everyone now

treated the worst, told you're the best.
they do the bare minimum
i pick up the rest
it's heavy.

support isn't selfish, who taught me that?
did my parents want me to be like them?
i won't feel miserable again.

they wanted a mommy, not a partner
my mommy married a man like him.
i never learned what love looked like
so i did whatever i could
took whatever i was gotten.

abuse
am i this worthless? should i quit?
no. not life. just him.

draw back the curtains, get burnt by the light
let the realizations heal my wounds
i'll never do that again.

oh spirit guides, i've learned this time.
i do not need this lesson again