I want to want again.
To want the accessible
To have the want satisfied
But I want you.

Awake, aging and alone.
Tortured by only two of these things

The moment right before.
That's THE moment.
What it's all about.
Will I? Won't I?
I know I will.
The breath in, deep
Before the leap!
Darkness. Falling, aaah; splash!
Pop. Glug glug, gulp; yumm!
Vasoconstriction and focus.
Followed immediately by
Vasodilation and calm.

Learn to make them!
Communication, authenticity
Both required for happiness
For connection
For intimacy
So risky,
To tell the truth
About me

Suave hair
Sharp suit
Glinting buttons
But your hands,
They're wrong
Posed.
And not by you
Its a block of ice.
Where have you gone?

Pure.  
Beautiful.
No, not you!
You are dark.
As pale as a ghost
But necrotic inside.
You are inconsequential.
Devastatingly so. The truth of
that is hard to handle, but
If you can it is power.
The lack of meaning
Can breed heros
Like you?

Your words stare back at me
A hand that writes no more.
It was only passing through,
I only wish I knew.

I thought there was more time
To do all the things we planned.
Success and happiness all around.
******* for being drowned.

I would have said goodbye
I've loved you all this time.
You were only passing through,
I only wish I knew.

Death won't negotiate.
I'm obviously too late.
I only wish I'd said,
I can't get you out of my head.

I know that there's no heaven
Above or hell below to fear.
The best I can hope for,
Are days when you feel near.

I should have hugged you goodbye
Said I've loved you all this time.
You were only passing through,
I only wish you knew.

We hunted for the perfect sticks.
And threw them in the water.
Mine was ****** into
The avalanche
Not to be seen
by us again.

You sit,
Downstream,
On a boulder looking over the falls
What a well of pain
And suffering.

In a parallel world
maybe
you jumped in.
Or maybe I pushed you.

Today, you don't have to
Go out
Do that thing
Fight that battle
Make that call
It's decided;
You're excused

***** snow near the curb
Rubber crushes it
Once pure white
Now trod on. Dessicated. Filthy.
But still there.
Surviving.