Hi buddy. If I lose my battle with my mental health anytime in the general future I just want you to know that I love you more than anything in my life. I can feel myself losing this battle but you are a god send.

Please don’t **** yourself.
You matter.

Legs shaking
Heart pounding
Teeth chattering
Chest tightening
Mind racing
Kind of night

1-800-273-8255.
It’s a number I know well.
It’s a number I’ve stared at wanting to call.
It’s a number that scares me.
It’s a number that I wish I didn’t know.
It’s a number I wish I didn’t have to know.
It’s just a number.
But it’s a number I’ve grown to hate.

I just feel so alone.
I just wish someone would care.
i just want to not feel so **** alone.

Words from my mother:

I love you but I don’t like you.
You’re fat.
I’m embarrassed to be around you.
You will never find a husband.
Nobody will ever be attracted to you.
Your boyfriend thinks you’re fat and will never love you.
*sends picture of BMI chart to body shame me

Mothers are supposed to love their children unconditionally.
So why doesn’t mine?