SWebster

SWebster Jan 2020

I cannot understand
what to do with
these emotions.
So intense, too much.
I can’t breath I can’t scream I can’t shout.
My voice has been choked from me,
Strangled. Silenced.
The rage- burning, wrapped around me, laughing.
So I breathe the only way I can: bleeding red, blue and purple.
The air escapes
And the fury retreats to watching and waiting.

#suffocating #lost #selfharm

SWebster Jan 2020

So Pretty

So pretty
Adorning my skin;
So stark
Against my skin.
There’s no denying what you are
Only denying why you’re there.
I have been able to hide you
But if someone asked, what would I say?
Razor blade accident?
But why would it be:
so deep, so wide, so long?
(To keep me from loosing my mind.)
So pretty
Across my skin.
You call to me-
reminding me of the nights where I found release, where I found relief.
The pain only transferred never truly soothed.

#pretty #release #selfharm

SWebster Jan 2020

Should know better

Such bitterness and such fury
Directed at you but really should be reflected
Time is the water to soothe
Reminding me that change is to come.

#fury #frustration #selfloathing

SWebster Dec 2019

Alone

When do you feel the loneliness?
When the wind streams through the sky,
When the leaves are shaken from their branches;
When I see the blue overhead
And the lies in your smile.
When I see your eyes looking at me
And your words dripping from your lips.
That is when I know: I am alone.

#loneliness #depression #fake

SWebster Nov 2019

Crow

It’s not big this crow of mine.
Head cocked, observing time.
Perfectly sized to sit upon my windowsill,
Reminding me that dread and fear are a bitter pill.
It calls to me
Stopping me.
I can’t hide and I can’t pretend,
It sees me, watches me my friend.
Waiting and lurking till the end.

#crow #lurking #omen

SWebster Nov 2019

Steel

I want to lie and be still.
I want to feel the burn building,
I want to feel the cold teasing,
I want to see the steel dancing across my body.
Drag and scratch.
Burn and play.

#alone #desire

SWebster Nov 2019

Self Loathing

Pitiful.
I sit with the blade in my hand
And all I’ve managed is a slice to the skin.
There’s no blood no tearing of the flesh.
I’ve returned to cutting
But I’m not taking this seriously.
Where once I would gouge a hole,
Where once I would part my flesh to see the blood run,
I am now a novice.
Just pathetic.

#selfharm #hurt #selfloathing