I see you.
Even through your dark nights and stormy skies.
I see you with your chilly breeze and lack of leaves.

I feel safe in your cold embrace.

You’ve always been my favourite. Not needing to shine bright or be loud. You let simplicity take the lead.

You are truly the beginning and the end. Laying bare for all to see.

The fog slowly slips away as I figure out what to say.
Putting pen to paper or voice to words to ensure that I. AM. HEARD.

Though this vice may be small,
I have hopes that I can reach you all.

Don’t be scared of what people think. Let your words fly not sink!

You are beautiful!
You are loved!

But most of all ….

You are ENOUGH.

Push.  

Push.

Push.

The weight collapses on top of me.
A haze blinding from all directions.
Steps slow as if wading through mud.

Breath escapes in little bubbles as if I’m drowning.
Thoughts flying and seeds being planted.

I’m searching, searching, searching for that rope to pull me out.
I only hope it withstands this weight and saves me from this horrible fate.

In some ways I guess I’m looking for validation.
Having peers and even strangers give me confirmation,
That my thoughts and ideas bring some sort of gratification.

I’m slowly learning to just do what brings me joy.
With little thought or questions for how it will be received.
If I can read it through and feel it truly conveys me,
Then that’s all I want to achieve

I hide behind this pseudonym,
It protects me from judgement.
No praise, nor complaint can reach me
when I hide behind this pseudonym.

I can use the words however I wish
With no concern for how they reflect on me.
This pseudonym allows me to speak my mind,
the words just flowing as I slowly unwind.

This pseudonym is a part of me
The parts that I don’t always allow to be seen.
My friends and family might not understand
But part of me doesn’t want to be found.

It’s my choice who sees these words
My choice who hears these thoughts
My choice who learns of this little pseudonym
Who always stands to protect what’s within.

I can feel them.
Banging! On the big steel wall.
Their sounds are muffled never quite taking shape.

I press my ear right up close
to see if I can    just.        get.         one.
One little breakthrough and I know it will break the dam.

My frustration is building,
because I have these ideas,
but that means nothing,
when I can’t get them down.

Words don’t fit together right.
Or translate the way that I’d like.
There’s this massive block within my mind.
I wish I could just make it say goodbye.