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Julia Celine Dec 2021
Am I letting my hopes get away from me
Because it's been so long?
I've forgotten that the right things
Can somehow still go wrong?

Because I've pushed away my options
And narrowed it all down
Now I think that this will work
Simply because I stick around?

What arrogance I've shown today
High hopes falling from their fever
I fall for you just to find that
I don't think I'd like me either
Julia Celine Dec 2021
Speaking over coffee
Shooting at the breeze
I smiled at her softly
And loved her more than me

Reflecting back on time with you
As difficult as it seems
It’s so hard, my love, I never knew
Anything as easy

I set down with settled fingers
A cup of clouded dreams
That tastes like fresh carnation
In simmered down caffeine

Tell me all your stories
Sing me songs to sleep
For a moment, I’ll taste the confidence
That you could love me more than me
Julia Celine Nov 2021
I couldn't hear your voice
Above the raging silence
I figured you weren't saying much
Unbeknownst to my changing faces
That sees meaning in milliseconds
Seeking out a love that's chaseless
I'll find errors in complication
I'll find a way to erase us
I'll love you 'til you're empty
And claim I'm feeling wasteless
You'll raise an upper hand
And find us switching places
Julia Celine Oct 2021
Somewhere in the madness, basking in the summer heat
I wish I knew the castles that would crumble at your feet
‘Cause when it’s cold here, I’m a soldier, getting too used to defeat
What a silly, helpless fool, remembering a time when I was queen
Julia Celine Oct 2021
Curious little hoarder
With stacks of bottle caps
Sitting in my old kitchen drawer
Forgotten in the past

There’s a spotless old report card
And a smoothed-out try-out number
And a dulled-down, hidden razor blade
Buried in the clutter

Here’s my first acceptance letter
Tie-dyed with coffee stains
And a random transit ticket–
I don’t remember missing that train

And seven bottle caps
From seven empty bottles
Downed to allow myself to picture
The life that I’d once modeled

I sip from stolen promises
It tastes like alcohol
Beside some crumpled poems
My anti-adderall

Why did I keep you?
What purpose do you seek?
Or do you just exist to be there?
Do you just waste time like me?

God, I really wanted to be something
When I didn’t want to be at all
I found the greatest height
Looking for the fall
Julia Celine Oct 2021
I really made a mess of this
As I looked into your eyes
You said, "Bury me in fiction
Or give me truth I can't deny"

The truth is all I had was me
And a thousand little lies
I almost wish I told a few
Before you said goodbye
Julia Celine Oct 2021
Sometimes I feel like your story book
The pages that you flip open on bad days
To relive some sort of angst only
to inevitably close and breathe a sigh of relief
Knowing it is not your reality anymore
And I am not real enough to you
To inquire about the sequels
The ones you haven't read
But are drenched in the aftermath of your actions

Living, breathing consequence

Do you believe that I've forgiven you
Because you've forgiven yourself?
Because you are better now for someone else?
Do you think I remember you fondly
Because I am always so kind?
And don't consider that, like you changed, maybe
I have too?

In a wave of nonchalance,
You ask me how I am doing

I want to ask if someone asked you to reach out
Someone who knows me and may have guessed
That I've had one of my fragile days
And knows that I might be more susceptible
To grace

And I say
I've been better since you ripped out my pages
But I still have days when I wonder
If you would have ever cared enough
To do more than borrow me
And return me here
To this dusty shelf
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