If there were to be a movie about my life
I’d want David Bowie’s Starman to be the the track that plays after I jump off the bridge.

Part of me wants you to hurt
To experience the pain you put on to me
The constant pain I felt
But the rest of me wants you to be happy
I still love you
But ******* I want you to hurt.

I hope you know how much you made me cry
Even though I love you
I still resent you
You hurt me

5 a.m.
i woke up early, had some noodles for breakfast
feeling neutral

it is 3:53 pm
ive been laying in bed all day thinking about her
feeling suicidal

Its 1:24
I lay here as the insomnia takes me
The usual
The reoccurring nightmare
Can’t sleep
I think of you
I can't move
I see you
Let me sleep

I miss what we had
I miss laying on that hard floor with the thin carpet, wropped up in blankets watching Netflix with the dogs between us
Cuddling for warmth while we hold eachother and smile
I never payed attention to the movies
I was too busy staring
Staring at your beautiful self
Into your gorgeous eyes
I miss listening to music
Looking at baby pictures and giggling
I miss your smooth voice
And your goofy *** sayings
I miss your immature jokes
I miss your laugh
And your beautiful smile
I miss you
I miss us

you were the one
but not for me
you made me happy
but I guess my happiness wasn't enough
maybe I just didn't fit
like a puzzle piece in the wrong spot
theres another piece thats supposed to go there
but I'm not that piece
go find your piece
and ill find my missing spot
maybe we'll both be happy in the end
but for now
you're just not for me