My edge
My straight edge
Cuts deep
And doesn’t want to let go
My straight edge
Loves to make you remember everything
But she wants you to forget too
My straight edge
Loves a game
And she’ll play it with you
My straight edge
Is a force to be reckoned
Beware
My straight edge
Is my worst nightmare
And paradise from hell
My straight edge
Is many things
But never has she left me

Warm breezes in the night air
Whisper away every nightmare
Stars above in heaven's depths
Blink freely in the dark
Glowing with every promising spark
And during rest in dreams we see
The unreal and our thoughts are set free
To drift and live in sleep
And experience everything so deep
Sometimes waking, wishing you were still there
All that you can do is remember, and keep it near
Unearthly as it seems
Our souls are connected in dreams

When there is no pain,
The words seem to fade,
To a faint voice in the back of my head,
To a scribble on a paper not worth sharing not worth keeping,

When there is no pain,
I feel too busy to write,
So I listen to the words in my head,
Not itching of a scribble or a write.

So all those times I write happy poems
It's me .trying to use words for comfort
In an ultimate reality of words
Disappearing in each imagination

So I'll try to write this happy poems,
No anger
As an "Inhale love Exhale hate"gesture
Even if it seem like I'm too busy at my happy moments

You make the world stop
And all I can focus on are the creases in the knee of your khaki pants and
My desperate hands holding one another
A buffer between our skin
Everything else fades away
You and I in this sacred place - you make me feel safe
Wrapped in the cocoon of your smile, armored in the gentleness of your being

I want to write about you until the words spilling off of the page turn into my twitchy fingertips tracing your lips
To get my fix
I can never get my fix of you

You move as though every inch of you has purpose
I’m nervous that you catch me staring
I’m betting all odds against myself

I could spend forever looking into those brown eyes that aren’t quite perfectly round
Reflecting curiosity and intensity
When you ask me to tell you what I’m thinking
You catch me off guard
Inquisitive questions probing deep into my thoughts

You say you want to understand how I think...
I think I want to understand how you make me feel the way you do
You make me feel like I matter
Like my words aren’t just meaningless syllables
You find my mind irresistible
And that makes it difficult for me to express what I really want to say to you
I’m scared

Trying to put my feelings into words is usually easy
I so freely give myself away
Wearing my heart on my sleeve is a terrible habit that I can’t seem to quit
Though I hate to admit it’s true
How can I resist you?

When I write about you, I want it to be perfect
A harmony of angels singing
Beautiful crescendos of passion and heart
I want to make you feel something; to have something resonate inside of you
Like poetry does for me

There are so many things I hate about you
But I still itch to know every flaw and every scar
I want to know who you are so wholly
That I lose myself wandering through your chapters
Every little piece of you matters
Wait
Let me try that again

There are so many things that I love about you
And if I could spend my days dreaming about
The way you hold my face in your hands
I’d dream forever
It’s hard to remember what this felt like before you

I can’t have you the way I want you
So I long from a distance
Hoping my persistence will someday pay off
And this beautiful tragedy
Won’t cause me agony any longer

I want to love you to love me so fiercely
That passion explodes from within me
And I can never stop writing words to you
It seems to be the only way to express my feelings
This is my healing
So thank you

Take me higher than I’ve ever been
Show me what it’s like to love someone’s body
As much as their being
Prove to me that passion exists
In the places we least expect

I want to feel the syncopation of your heartbeat as it’s pressed against my bare chest
Lost in the rhythm of my moans
I’m needing to feel every inch of your skin on mine
Your hot breath against my neck
Your scattered sighs in my ear
Your teeth grazing my neck in ecstacy

I want your tongue to tease my *******
Hardening them in between licks
As I beg you not to stop
Drunk on euphoria

My hands exploring the indentation of your hip bones,
Carefully caressing the line of your waistband
Feeling your breath shorten
Anticipating my next move

The cadence of our bodies moving as one
Our limbs contorting in positions I didn’t know existed
The curves of my body made to fit yours so perfectly
Ravishing the spiral of your movements
Wishing this could last just a little longer

It’s taken me a long time to realize that my pain has nothing to do with you
You do not deserve my tears, my anger, my sleepless nights
You are not worthy of seeing me cry
My eyes no longer weep for you

My depression doesn’t play fair
It doesn’t pick and choose how I hurt or who hurts me
But rather reminds me that I’m always hurting
Lurking in every dark corner
Waiting for me to be vulnerable to someone new
And that... has nothing to do with you

I used to wonder why I fell for every smile and kind word
As though I’d never received love or affection
But it turns out I’m just an addict
Stripped bare, exposed, defenseless
Absorbing the energy of those around me
You give an inch, I take a mile
Composed of fake smiles and grudges
Longing for someone to see the authenticity
That I crave to give freely
Trapped in the idea that I am not worthy of giving myself
Wholly

And when I gave myself to you unabashedly
It was as though gravity was lifted
And for once in my life, there was clarity
I could see
How carelessly I demoralize myself
Letting the darkness consume my light
I used to shine so brightly

It’s no wonder I stuck to you like glue
You like rays of sunshine forcing themselves through my blinds
Unveiling parts of me hidden in the dark
If I was smart
I would have hung up curtains

You dripping like the sweetest honey I’ve ever tasted
Drinking in your naked body
Infatuated with the way your smooth skin feels against mine
I know better than falling for a boy with a mischievous smile

I saw something in you that made me crave more
I saw myself in you
Now realizing that’s what I’ve been searching for

This pain has nothing to do with you
And everything to do with me
When you left, it was like letting go of a pieces of me
That I had just discovered
Ripped from my clenches far too soon
To harvest it into something beautiful

I will stop letting you take the credit for my heartache
And claim the responsibility as my own
For I know better than to steal someone else’s light
Just to cast my own shadow