I stand
Head to ground
My head on fire
My heart cut by my own hand
And i wonder why

Guilt will keep me up
Stronger than the midday rays
Louder than the storms above
My own mouth sentences me to unrest
And i have only myself to blame
Forgive me.

it hurts to know i hurt you
to me i didn't see the damage done, damage unsaid and so
i said nothing
did nothing
again, my ignorance slight of handed me.

i let my own pride get in the way of my own mind
i thought i could do more than i realistically could and in the end
like it always does for me it seems
it all came crashing down
and so it turns out i left you there

feeling hurt.
dejected.
bruised by my own behaviour because i didn't know it hurt so much
i didn't know.

i see now what i have done
and that means now i can work on fixing it
work on healing wounds and drying tears
this time whether they be yours or my own
i pledge myself to be a better man tomorrow than i was today.

it feels like conflict's fire is caused in our sparks
let me reassure you this is not to be true.
around us lays a world that is crushing us down with weight neither of us imagined
deadlines; people; parents; 2018 as a whole.
they push us and push us and push us into our little corner until we lose it
and until we burst to each other.

i need you to see that love is not perfect and nor am I.
equally i need you to see that i am trying my hardest to be the perfect man and whilst i may never be there
******* do i want to try for you.

because when it comes down to it
you
you are the one i want.
you taught me what it is to listen and what it is to care.
you taught me warmth and love and happiness
you make me so happy.
i takes a special person to make me laugh at a time where it feels like my mind is a storm.
to help me cry through the laughter as to let that storm peak by for one moment.
it takes a special girl for that.

and you're my special girl.
you're my little angel,
you're my winter wonderland queen to whom i want to share the throne.
i saw stars in your eyes in that cinema and no matter how dark your mind was or how bleak the world is not once did i see those stars dim.


and so they say true love is something to work for
its a mutual understanding to be better for each other.
to work for love on days where it easier to talk over.
my hope is that with some work and time. we'll have our dream.
we'll have our winter wonderland and wooly white odd socks
with my odd socks wonder next to me.

i cannot promise that i won't make mistakes
i cannot promise that i'll never hurt you again.
because truth is I'm human.
but i do promise that i will try every day forth to be a better person today than yesterday. for you.
i promise to work on the mistakes i make, and to learn from them, to be better.
My words only go so far and as such ill show you

i promise that one day, we can be happy.
in a time of our own. peaceful love. in a place we call home.
and where i promise i will help you work out of those  feelings you're trapped by
ill hold your hand through every single dark cloud because i know that you're worth it.
i know that we're worth it.
and so if true love is the understanding and commitment to making sure love stays true even when the forces of the universe tell it to vanish
i pledge myself to uphold this.
i promise to continue making sure love is here with us even when it feels easier to let go.

in short
i'm sorry. i promise to be better for you. i promise to work on true love so that one day we are free.
we will be free.
it will be okay.
and all i ask is you work along side with me.

I saw stars
And every day i keep chasing them
So open your eyes my love and see me here
Maybe your stars lie in me
As mine lay in your eyes
I'll see them again.
I promise.
I'll write it down so all can see
In songs in poems in stories
I'll make sure your night sky isn't so dark.

bad days happen and thats okay
we make mistakes
but we learn
and i like learning.
so if that means i trip
and fall down
and maybe i might take you with me sometimes
for you, I'm willing to learn how to stand up again.
because you're worth it.
One bad day does not ruin a week
sometimes i fail at being the anchor i try so hard to be
and thats okay.
we're learning.
together.
because maybe today wasn't perfect
wasn't good
but with learning
with time, with mistakes.
we can make tomorrow that little bit better.

i don't know how to ******* speak
and its killing me as it kills those around me
and i've had enough.
why can't i speak.

i know, its hard.
it's hard to accept
it's hard to even comprehend
the fact that you deserve a love greater than both of us.
that you deserve me.

like mountains we climb every day is a challenge and i know for you
most days are everest.
never ever ending as if every everlasting thought seems to linger that bit too long
i can see
i can see that you're hurting.
i can see that you think you're a lost cause, stuck.
like valleys we descend sometimes into pits of darkness
and i know you may feel like you've been placed there that little bit too long
its hard
its hard to accept you're not alone anymore.
because truth is i would rather stay up all day and night talking to you about your mind than sit idle as you rock back and forth
hoping that the rug you swept it all under never gets raised

i won't raise that rug. i won't force you to. but ill sit patiently, waiting, nudging you forward until you decide to open up.
before some monster comes by tearing up the floorboards.
when hopefully you will see you don't save me from any false hell by hiding
because truth is

truth is.
every single heart string you pull in me.
every tear you shed onto my chest
every 3:00am wake up call
every help me
every morning hot chocolate to keep you warm
every kiss goodbye
every everything everyday evermore
is worth it.

its worth it.
and if you don't believe you are, think about every day i've spent by your side and ask yourself whether someone like me would waste their time if they believed
you
weren't
worth it

because truth is you are.
every tear is worth a laugh.
every frown worth a smile.
every week passes by worth those 30 minutes alone
every late night phone call worth your mind being that little bit clearer.

and so

i know

it's hard. i never said it was easy.
but I'm telling you regardless if you believe you're deserving of this love or not

I am here.
And i can't see that fact changing for a long time.
so while i am
fall with me.
ill hold your hand on the way down.
ill let you see my weird mind if you let me see yours
lets face the world one step at a time
lets love like everyday is a our new rhyme
a new line
for now this line to you
this time this part
you, are not alone. so do not be afraid, ill make sure everything's going to be okay.