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I am not mentally ill
But I wonder
If I was
How envious I would be
Of all those
Who know
The bliss
Of boredom
Waqt ke sath sath jeena chhor diya...
Aur ja ke mehkhane me pina jor diya...
Berukhi si jindagi me dhoop me aur dhoop
Tanhai me sulaya khud ko...

Bewajah ek sapna jor kar...
Chal rahe hai

Yunhi

Chal rahe hai

yunhi
Na jane kanha jayenge...
Ya
Wanha jana theek rahega yanha log nahi jate...

Phir..
Chal diye

...
Manzilon ki talash me...
Pal pal manzil badalte...
Khuch rukhe se swabhaav me
Khud par bar bar hanste...
Kya yunhi kat jayenge saare raste
Khuch pagalpan me...
Aur
Khuch deewangi me...
Aur
Awarapan me
...
..
.
I get that you want him
You want him so bad
But it isn't my fault
He wants me, instead
She said to me "Marc now there's something i just could never understand, where is your heart exactly because I don't know how you continue to stand. How many times has it broke and how many times has it healed, if it's healed, has it healed? I don't get it why don't you give up like any other man?" All I could do was smile as a took her hand and in its Palm I traced my heart like I would in the sand, and I said. "My heart is in your hand where it has always been, and all those struggles yeah they’re hard but it makes it all worth it when we gaze at the stars." And as I closed her hand her teardrops hit the sand and washed into the ocean blue as she grasped out for me yelling I love you. And in the silence of our embrace she realized our hands had found grace as our heartbeats sang a tune we felt through our palms on that warm afternoon.

MJP
Who do not love god
Not feeling odd
Knows no pain
Always in gain
If one does not pray
His heart remains empty
God dwells within each
Like fragrance of flower
Like musk in the deer
If one understands God's love
Is the wisest person
Good will gestures
A features of blue moon
Less appears...
Every time waiting for ...
A new beginning may be
Cheers!
Soothing...
Bench in a park...
Breezes...cheers!!!

Alone...
Just introspect...
And
Close eyes...
And open slowly
....
And
Yeah..
Don't forget to look moon beauty
And like a persistence of vision
Relax
..
.......a parade of thoughts,
crowd its tip......sad...sweet,
scary...unpleasant...pleasant,
hopeful...or prohibited,thoughts
come.....one after the other,
like white circled smokes from a spectre,
smoking....hiding, behind the curtain,
triggered by a song, a verse, or somethin'
else.....like a photo, a voice...a memory...

when they come to haunt...and taunt
..... i just bow my head,
and let my  pen stand *****
or lean inside my palm,
allow it to make curves, loops and  
lines, to cross out untimely thoughts
on white blank pages...
pen struggles with me--whether or not, to share
my likes, dislikes, my disgust, fears, my despair...
my endless questions are frozen...wintered
within...i wonder, will they remain unuttered?
....the answers, as before, are uncertain...
.........my discontent, oh, so apparent...
::::
.....when i hold my pen...is when my soul
breathes and relaxes...it journeys...i forget all,
....hunger pangs do not enter my mind
..my troubled self....and the peaceful me
....join forces....their combined energy
flow freely, inside my inner streams...
...i sit tall when they bring out the best in me,
...wonder if i could bring back worst moments,
......and correct the wrong in them...but,
who's to say what is right? what is wrong?

when i hold my pen, i realize its might,
its omnipotent power....its written bold words,
exclamations, lines, commas, dots and dashes,
can incite, or douse strong actions and feelings
it softens the sharp edges of anger and pain
it can puncture deeper...better than a sword,
it can heal...soothe wounds and  slashes
.................inflicted by other pens


........when i hold my pen,
i let it speak for me...time and again...


Sally

© Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
March 21, 2018
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