When the shadows overtake me
I hope my throat is already slit.

/MERCY.

I've learned by now
That fast and painless
Is a concept of fiction.

It wouldn't matter
If you were to tear out my heart
Or rip out my spine,
It's all death just the same.

If you choose to take my life,
Don't take mercy into consideration,
Because mercy has been long lost
On those already rotting
In the graves dug in their minds.

/CONSUMPTION.

Peace from the darkness
Has taken the shape
Of your hand on the goblet,
With all my absolution taking the form
Of your loving embrace.

Let's build up our legions,
Show them the light in our gospel,
And convert them to our truth...

Such a beautiful proposition,
If we could work it out ourselves.

Wash over me with your holy sermon.

Let me absorb all your light.

Reconstruct all my arrogance
Upon the backs of the broken,
Just for the rare opportunity
For such a picture perfect landscape.

Monarchy never looked so stunning.

/EMPIRE.

Drowning is becoming an art.

Deeper and deeper
Into the depths do I venture,
All the while indifferent
To my lack of oxygen.

I'm plugging in plot holes.

I'm re-founding Byzantium,
And all for the iconography
That has left me
In such a state of marvel.

I don't want compromise
Or pity of any sort.

I just want you in tidal waves,
And to get pulled deeper
Beneath the whole of your personality.

In a modern world
So short on imperialism
Why was it so easy for you
To colonize my heart?

/TRANSLATION.

For the first time in years,
I need no translation.

I speak clearly, openly,
And without filtration.

She both listens and hears,
And that's not even the beginning
Of her infinite positive traits.

She's a modern masterpiece,
So above modern art.

I want to dissolve into her brilliance
If for even a moment.

/RECOIL.

I have nothing to fear.

I am the God of Death...
I am the shadows
That haunt even the deepest corners
Of my recuperating mind.

I'm gaining back the strength
To show the world once more,
That there are better, truer
Forms of evil in our control.

I am the culmination
Of the lives I have taken,
And now I choose to never
Be frightened by fate again.

I am the God of Death,
And now I choose to live.

Could I ever write you
A truly holy sonnet
When I was forged
So far from Heaven?

Could you cry for me
While I could gather the teardrops,
With the lone intent
To flood the world again?

Can we ever know purity
Without a little harm?

Must I cleanse the Earth
Of everything
I can no longer care for?

Carly's eyes penetrated Hell
And cast me back
Into sanity again.

I'm standing on my own again
And by only her accord.

Let's make the world
A little smaller...

Whisper to me anything at all
That you could find meaningful enough
To discuss through the cover of darkness.

For the first time in forever,
I'm whole once more.

I'm venturing deeper
Into your enchantment...
This new labyrinth I've found
That I only aim
To immerse myself in deeper
With every setting sun.

I can only hope
To grow like moss
Around your careless daydreams
And take hold of even the smallest bit
Of your brilliant brand of curiosity.

This is the last time
I will ever write about you.

You've basically won
Since I'm sitting up
Thinking about you.

So horrible to think
I probably did love you.

I was enchanted and I was vulnerable.

You couldn't care.

Well, I'm finally drawing the conclusion
That I'll always care.

I'll always care
If you're hurting in some way.

I'll alway hope you are.

You deserve it.

I'm well beyond the point
Of caring if it's cruel.

I want it to hurt.
I want you to drown.

Get caught beneath
All your self righteous *******
And struggle for air.

I'm begging you.

Get dragged beneath the current.

If these are my last words
I don't want one to be unclear.

You're a *******.

I think you're a cancer
To any decency
That may exist on Earth.

Narcissism wouldn't be the least
Of your many worries
If you cared to reform yourself,
But you don't.

You hold yourself so high.

You are higher than God,
But so numb to reason,
Half as ****** to sanity
And void of mercy.

So get caught beneath the current
Of the blood that my heart
Is pumping without you.

It never needed you anyway.

There's a conflict of interest
And it's conflicting with perfection
And reason.

Distance would make this
All too simple a decision,
If it were a matter of choice,
But it isn't.

It's a matter of my split
Affection.
It's a game of amazing chance
And weighing out lonely nights
Against the opportunities to luck out.

There are outcomes that I
Can only dream about.

There are bigger aspects of life
That might as well
Not even exist,
As I am blind and ignorant.

There's a case to be made
For experience, I'm sure
But I, surely,
Am in no shape
To make it.

Carry me out
Of this hellhole.
Take me
To your side of heaven
Where life is long
And beauty is so much more
Than skin deep.

You understand me,
And you comprehend life
On my wavelength.
You can crawl under the surface
And tear out the wires
And you can make the clock
No longer tick.

I'll never doubt you.

We're cut from the same cloth
Only your strands
Were probably more expensive.

I'll wait outside
Of your side of heaven
Because admission
From this distance
Is ridiculous.

There's no reason to try.

/LETTERS.

I've been spending
So much time
Writing letters
To the people that we'll be
In the future,
And I've accumulated a pile
Of letters from the past.

When you're writing my letter,
You'll lace the paper
With *******
For all the self destructive
Tendencies
I've been flirting with
Since my infancy.

/REFLECTION

-There is no reason
To burn the letter
I wrote so many times
To the Orchid.

The time for hurt is over.

My first love,
And truthfully my first heartbreak.

So many questions
I could still ask
That I still do not deserve the answer to.

I only regret the times
When our minds were focused
On malicious intent.

-Daisy got her letter
Probably a dozen times,
So there's not much reason
To spell it out.

There's no reason
That things turned bitter.

There's hardly a reason
For our break in communication.

You taught me about longevity
And trust through hardship.

I cried at your castle,
And I fell on your sword.

You broke me.

Your true lesson was solitude.

-For the third girl I could write to,
You're simply not worth my time.

To leave me the way you did,
To consider you my poetic muse
Would be too much of an honor for you.

Don't consider this poetic,
Consider this me clearing up
Any misconception on how I may feel
About you.

You occupied my bed,
And then validated my views
On dishonest devotion...

If you may be wondering,

*******.

-To the girl formed from
The perfect, highly unlikely
Serendipity of the wind and the rain,
Whose beauty makes the northern lights
Look so normal...
You have no idea how much I love you.

I can't tell you how many nights
I've sat up thinking about you,
Or having my heart broken by the idea
Of you,
But I can tell you
That no one on Earth compares
To the way you seem to radiate.

It was an absolute honor
To share the atmosphere you occupy,
No matter how this life might play out.

/RETURN

If you come to forge my letter
And lay it on my deathbed,
Write to the shell of a poet...
Address it to a man
Full of regret
And hoping the future
Will somehow bend to his will.

It's all I have,
And that illusion
Is all I can create.

There were innumerable days
Of waiting on my fortune
To magically change
And for love to seem
As if it does
In all the movies.

But honestly,
That's *******,
And I don't have time
To sit and wait.

It's a losing battle
To honestly hope
That my dream girl
Will rehab again.

I'm done playing games.

I'll walk out the door.

Today,
I grow the spine
You swore I never had,
And reclaim the heart
That I swore would collapse
Without you.

If I have to be the one
To break our promise
So be it.

It's time I started
Being happy
For me.

I've been held down
And lied to.

I've had to realize
That I'll never break free
Of the introversion that binds me,
Into a world clad in gold
Meant for daydreaming poets.

All the assurance
That I would one day
Escape from my personal
Cobalt Hell
Is diminishing day by day.

I was never meant
To be happy.

I won't be
A success.

My poor decisions are blossoming
Into nightmares so eager
To transition into reality...

I was always told,
I'd have to live with my choices,
But I have no choice
But to take on this depression
Once more.

I always knew
You'd be out of reach.

My Cobalt Hell
Encompasses me completely.