So what if snakes will bite you
Cancer eats you
Spiders creep and crawl
Poison kills you slowly
I love it all
I love it all
As a part of everything
A part of me

Mosquitos would drain my blood
Pain can stop my heart
As a demon would have my soul
This poison seeps into me
I love it all
I love it all
As a part of everything
A part of me

And I decide the ice age is coming
The ice melts I'll be destroyed
By the fires of hell
Accept me as I am in heaven
Accept my battered soul, my god

So what if kinetic tongues isolate skeletons,
when shamanic answers eat fields of source,
codes double dig n dug out hellox

Its a taste
Foreign to my tongue
I see clouds you don't
You feel rain
And I fight wars
As I fight against
Still your skin is the land
And your eyes are oceans
I don't want to stand
I don't want to swim
The pendulous nature that my hands know
I can only stare
My fingers
The way I feel
Its something impossible
So go away
And maybe I can heal
Don't go away
I need you dearly
The only seed I sow
That has to grow
The happy end
Its not a name
It is the dirt
Bury me now
I love you
I love you
I will die
If that makes you happy

I could never hide in shadows
Lurking and lingering
A wall flower
I could never blend in with the crowd
I could never wait for my moment
My mind says my moment is now
And if I fail
I could never be unhappy that I tried

I could never hide my anger
Seething and boiling
A volcano
I could never keep from erupting
I could never count backwards from ten
My mind says I've been wronged
So be wrong
I could never accept the damage done

I could never hide my hope
Growing and calling
A spring flower
I could never help but reach for the sun
I could never accept that this is all there is
My mind says something more
And I reach for more
I could never have my life be any other way

I could never hide my love
Sweet and binding
A summers morning
I could never keep from singing louder than the birds
I could never keep from you
My mind says my love will save you
I dont know if it can
I could never believe that it can't

I count the time slowly
So many hands that don't know how to feel
Moving towards oblivion
Peace and destruction
Time and time only
Each face with the same expression
Only legs that run away
And smiles that fade

A day is a new day
With a meaning all its own
And an ultimate ending
We cant define

I count the time slowly
Designate an area in the sky
As what we are
And who am I?
Time as a feeling
All the stars that shine in a moment
Only skin that is fleeting
And smiles that fade

I crawled into bed with death last night
I let her dark fingers wander my naked flesh
She whispered in my ear as she held my bones
                                                           ­              I let her have me
I touched her lower back last night
I let death climb on top of me and cry in pleasure
She moaned aloud and said my name with love
                                                            ­            I let her have me
I reveled in her cold embrace last night
I let her fall asleep heavy in my arms and my dreams
She became my tomb, my grave, my other side
                                                            ­            I let her have me
                                                              ­          All of me
She took my breath away
I rode her into the abyss

I'm not afraid
Of idiots
Because I fear only that
Which I can never understand
And idiots
For the most part
Are pretty simple

I only fear
The idiots
Because they outnumber me
And my kind
And I'll never understand
Or find a reason
Why

Let my words go over your head
And fear me
You were never meant to understand anyways

Weight don't fall on me
I carry so much
A lost and lonesome pilgrim
My empty hands
This my blessing
This my curse
My loss of faith
My hopeful oath
I journey on
Intrepid
I do not know tomorrow
I only know the sky is looming
With promise and deception
Some days bring with them dawn
Some days become the night
Forgiven
Or forsaken
Heaven help me

And if its too late for that
I don't know
You're the only one who can decide
If you ever loved me you surely would
I don't know
Maybe all your love was a lie

And above my head
The clouds seemed brand new
As through the sky
With angel wings and silver linings
I open bottles with my teeth
Choosing wine over water
Just so I could be numb
I drink the poison

Below my feet
The ground seems older than time
Symbol of origins
With baby steps and fallen dreams
I cut my hair with swords
Choosing pleasure over truth
I turn inside
To confront my demons

I tried
I tried to push the river
But I can't change the way
The river will flow
I gave
My all
My heart and my soul
It wasn't enough
I wasn't strong enough

And the river meets the ocean
This is where I drown
Heavy with the thought
I let you down

I died
I died inside
From the times when I was wrong
And you cannot forgive me
You shouldn't
I can not forgive myself

I died
I died in the worst way
But I died to be reborn
Maybe I can be something better
Something stronger
Something to believe in

And this is where the river
Meets the ocean
This is where I drown
Under the wight of my love

I died
I died inside
From the times when I was wrong
And you
Cannot
Forgive me
You shouldn't
I can not forgive myself

And the river
Meets the ocean
This is where I drown
Heavy
With the thought
I let you down

I died
I died
In the worse way
Drowning under the weight of my love

I dug a hole
Inch by inch
Foot by foot
Becoming miles
I dug a hole
Aching back
And ***** hands
From how I got here

I look up
From the bottom of a pit
And know that I'm to blame
I dug a hole

I never really had control

Cars moving backwards down a highway
Turning off the headlights
Watching the rearview mirror
As I brake

And I told her that she hurt me
I want to trust her
But I can't go through this again

Still the most beautiful
But I read the signs
The lights are red
As I brake

I feel this cold
I want to trust her
But I've felt this cold before

I fell in love with dying suns
Chasms and cataclysms
I fell in love with landslides, avelanches, and falling rocks
I fell in love

I count the days
I count the hours

I fell in love with distant shores
Fading tides and raging oceans
I fell in love with angry water, jet streams, and all the currents
I fell in love

I count the days
I count the minutes

I fell in love with  the world you know
Hungry poor and feasting monarchs
I fell in love with your hope, your dreams, and your despair
I fell in love

I count the days
I count the seconds

I fell in love with your feet
Walking through the world we see
I fell in love with the mud, and the dirt, and the street
I fell in love

I count the steps

I find a way
When color
When color has no meaning
And the painted hills
The hills I sleep on
Know
Only grey
I find a way
When pain is
When pain is the reason
To hope for joy
Joy from smile
Song
I find a way
When every path
Is a new way
To oblivion
Where my greatest dreams
Can be forgotten
Find a way
Life
To love forevermore

If only I could

And before this poison takes a hold
And I lose the better part of me
I lose it all
I've known for so long
Exactly what it is
I really want

Before this poison takes a hold
And I become a stranger
Shouting at shadows
And afraid of ghost

I know exactly what I want
But not how to make it happen
Or how to live without
And the more I search for answers
The more I start to question
What I will be

And so I'm grasping for ropes
Gasping on the last of the air
I hold my breath
Until I suffocate

But its a brighter world
Full of love and wonder
Full of change
Its a dream that I had as a child
Its a dream that would be
If only I could

And before the poison takes a hold
As its racing through my veins
Steady for my heart
I just wanted to say

I would wake up tomorrow
And all my dreams of today
Would be
A part of our recognized reality

            Well, it takes a long time
            Work and dedication
            Ambition and motivation
            A few lucky breaks

I would wake up tomorrow
With a platform to perform
And everyone who cares will listen
And I would be loved

           But its been such a long time
           Such a home that I cannot find
           And I find I'm growing tired
          There's an aching in my bones

I should wake up tomorrow
And see a world of change
And the change I made
If only

But I don't know how
             I thought I did
             And nothing hurts more
            Than the pain of being wrong

If the world were to end today
I wouldn't mind
I probably wouldn't even notice
Because my world many months ago
Came tumbling down
And I already live in hell
I already stay strong while I live in hell

If the works were to end today
I wouldn't be able to see the difference

Yes birds can fly
They can fly free like we want to
Forever from this domain
Reaching upwards, pushing towards
Heaven
Assencion

Yes birds can fly
And we as men simply can't
We can have our heads in the clouds
But our feet remain
Earthbound
Stagnation

But lest you forget
Birds can sing
And we can too.

Each night has grown colder
The bitter winter wind with no symbolence of summer
My body grown numb
Anxious and tired with the torn up pages
From a novel about a ghost and a wishing well
I wish you well
But this night is forever
The indeterminant darkness and my somnolence persisting
My mind, my weariness
Hopeless with the frozen color of loss
And the feeling of losses despair
What is lost beyond repair

If you love something
Let it go
If it comes back to you
You'll know
I loved you
And so I had to
I let you go
Knowing you were never coming back

I feed off of the blood
And now as a living dead
I can look in the mirror
But I can't see myself anymore
I howl at the moon
I roam through the night
With a knife in my chest
And the thought of a last goodbye

Pride doesn't matter
Ego
Fear of failure
Pain
If you love something
There is only one thing you can do

Keep on loving

Sort of like the days last cigarette
Its not something I need
I know it's killing me
But I'll enjoy it until its gone

If you love something
You'll love something
Until the very end
When the end is not in sight

In this life,
You get what you give,
So I give you my heart,
I give you my all,

And I don't expect the ocean to be full of sharks,
Not hammerheads nor hypocrites,
Only water that came from the rivers,
And the streams,
And the sky,

You get what you give,
So I give you my love

It kills me inside
But you'll never know if I'm unhappy
You'll only ever see me smile
That's the best I can do for you

I guess.......

I subscribe to buy a new one I guess
Can I guess?
If I guess?
Let the people decide
And I go a new way
I guess

But always even in a new way
Can I guess?
If I guess?
Remember my soul is not turning
The same in a new way
I guess

And the change that I was waiting on
Is really just a continuation
A betterment
And understanding
An intuition
And trust in feelings

Can I change?
I believe I can

I guess

I hate when I feel ugly
Less than the beauty nature conceives
And then throws in my face
Every time I gaze upon the night sky
I hate when I feel stupid
Like all the things I know
Bring me back around again to the fact
That I know nothing
I hate when I feel weak
Like my emotions the way they are
Have got their hold on me
And they won't let go
I hate when I feel like I'm failing
Flailing to grab the last ledge
But missing miserably
And tumbling to another death

I hate that I love
That I know
I can do so much more than I have
I hate that I haven't.

I could have changed the world
I couldn't change myself

I'm sorry I don't love you
But I hope its enough
I love being with you
I hate being alone

And if I can't have a river
I'll take a creek
If I can't have a fountain
I'll drink from a faucet
If my well is empty
If it never rains

I'm sorry I don't love you
The way I want
But I will still stay with you
I hate being alone

I love you....
Simple enough
In a complicated world
I love you
And you love me

Still
And always
As it was
As it will be
As all I ever know

My pen produces painful heat
As I hold her in my hands
Glorious

Because I write
On your skin
I write well considered verse
Flowing though your veins
I write my soul
On your very heart

I write boiling blood

Because the depths of my being
Burn hotter than suns
Becoming the day
We find light

I write forest fires
I write igniting sparks
I write dying embers
As odes to your heart
I write the only thing I can

I write your name

There is a way I die into your arms
That is different from the way I have died before
I have died before
The taste of poison on my lips
The surge of poison in my veins
The poison I eat
I have died before
Fifty miles per hour into a tree
Because I took my hands off the wheel
When I saw dangerous corners
There is a way I die into your eyes
That makes me want to see
What life could be
It makes me want to live

Did I ever dream
Like waves that crash against a shore
And pound into my brain
With visions of wings and satellites
An ancient wisdom once forgotten
I have found
I have found
I have found you

Now the earthquakes,
The volcanoes,
The tragedies
They cannot fall on me

Because I dream
An ocean filled with wine
And we drink together
We drink until were drunk
And then we can enjoy the truth
That I have found
I have found
I have found you

Now the thunder
And the lightning
The devastation
Will only make me smile

Because I don't need a thing
I don't need a thing
I don't need a thing
I don't have

I have loved you longer than time
Walked with you before I had legs
And told you many times
Without the mouth to speak
Or the air to breathe
I have loved you longer than space
Collected your dust before the stars
And felt you many times
Without the hands to hold
Or the fingers to touch

I loved you in the ocean
And swam between your knees
I loved you in the sky
In your kiss of gentle breeze
You knew my face
Before your eyes could see
You felt me
Before skin

I have loved you before mountains
And before rivers carved the rock
I loved your canyons
Your precipices
Your crevices
When there was no earth and no sun

I have loved you
Before I knew what love was

I sleep under stars
But when the clouds are in the sky
I can't see them
I have nothing really
Just a feeling
And that's all I really am
I walk the roads
Of this chaotic city
Never knowing how I'll make it
And the world of my thoughts
Is always at war
Just trying to make sense of it all

I have nothing
Except for the feeling

I could hear the images being steadily streamed at me by sattalites of unknown origin saying the war is coming so be prepared

I went out on my front porch and saw a black cloud approaching my direction filled with foreigners and locust and black flags waving intentionally decrying "the end is nigh" as butterflies with black wings landed on the unattended garden in my front yard

I knew I was meant to be a part of this war (as indeed we all are; pick a side) so I went and got my weapons of destruction: my bazooka, my Gatling gun, my Bowie knife, my furious intentions

The war was reaching my doorstep, and I decided I would join it, but not before I sat down and ate a slice of carvel cake

I have to go to sleep
Hoping I will not wake up
Because you gave all your love
To another
As I become a ghost
I watch your skin grow cold
Because you lost all your hope
For tomorrow

While I lost all my hope
For today

I have to go to sleep
And somber in my dreams
Before my life will slip away
The last thing I will think
Is how
I love you

I know I need to move on
I know I need to forget you
It's just I'll always remember
The way you felt

Like when I held you
I held the world

Haughty with the feeling of youth
Obstinate and uncouth
Succumbing to desire
A girl set on fire
Her body was a temple
Mistreated and abused
Impenitent and unashamed
I once knew a girl

And I only wanted better
I only want the best
I only want to show her
I only want too much

Supercilious with discovery
Lustful concupiscence
Yes she wants my love
A girl I set on fire
But love is more than touch
I only want too much
She couldn't understand
A girl that I once knew

I only wanted better
She thinks that she knows best
But striving for desire
Never lead to happiness

I knew a girl
I don't know her anymore
I knew a girl
But she never knew me

Ms. Doubtfire
Says her hearts too cold
To ever be unfrozen
And I can only laugh
Because she thinks he looks like a woman
Ms. Doubtfire
I was never convinced
Still thank you for cleaning my house
You have a check for all your work
Signed Mr. Fire

Don't doubt me
I've seen Peter Pan

I know a girl I've never met
I've known her all my life
We share the same thoughts
The same hopes
The same dreams
We share our biggest fears
I know a girl I've never met
I've known her in past lives
We are lovers reincarnated
We share the same heart
In different times
Different places
The same dreams

I know a girl I've never met before
And I can feel her sorrow
And it makes me lament
Such beautiful lachrymose eyes
The same eyes
I would do anything
To see smiling
Once in my life
I know a girl I've never met before
And I can feel her joy
From the otherside of the world
I can sense her hope
The same hope I have
To find love
Someone who understands
The same dreams

I know you now
Sometimes a lesson is learned
Too late
We all make mistakes
Only some plead for forgiveness
I know you now
And the flowers that you love
Are fragile just like you
I was a brute
Too caught up in my own pain
To see you were hurting too
I know you now

I've made my mistakes
I know you now
And the lesson that was learned
Was a lesson too late

I'm ready to die and become a ghost
Not your love could ever save me
Not any love
Not myself
When my insides were always constricted by razor wire
And sharpened knives live close to my heart
And poison is my answer
And unhappy endings

I've had my moment of joy
And it's all over now
I can look forward
But I see not much but darkness

I'm ready to become a ghost
As I always feared I would
A lost soul, misunderstood
A broken heart
When my fingers were always lightning bolts
And I am nothing but a hurricane
The brutal squalls of water
Longing for peace

I was always a hand to hold
Reaching out
When no one reaches back
She tells me that she misses me

I'm ready to die
And roam forever
Haunting those who are haunted by memory
She tells me that's she'll miss me
I know she won't
And however can my soul
Rest in peace?

I hear the stories
Of attempted suicide
And I fail to comprehend
                   If your looking for the end
You're going to find

And maybe that's why
I've never tried it
Because I was always too good
                   At killing myself

And as these words are written
I am dead
But by tomorrow
I'll be alive again

I'll be alive for you

I've been wrong
Acted like a fool
Jealous and hurtful
Overly truthful
A maniac in the center of a stable mind
A wild man
Not worried about the future
Worried about the moment
When right now is forever
And right now I'm without
I've been wrong
But I am right
And I'll be right
Not the way I am
But the way that I believe
An angel shrouded in a cloak of misunderstanding
A paragon
Not worried about the future
Concernened with ever after
When I see then wrong path chosen
And know the best next steps to take

You've been through the night before
These eyes that long to hold
Watch as a summer breeze brings the dusk
A sun is setting
Somethings lost
It will be the night once more
These eyes that saw a light
Watch as a witching hour compells the malevolent spirit
Creatures roaming hills
And living ghosts

I lift you up so high
You were the morning
The sun in the sky
The sun has to fall
And even my hands can't hold you back from the night

But as a veil falls over the world
And a shroud falls over your eyes
I'll still shine a distant star
I'll be there in the dark

I want to feel pleasure in the simple things
The sunrise, the sunset,
The flowers in my garden
Look beautiful
But if they smell like death
I'll do without

I want happiness with the simple things
The brightest star, next to the moon
The love in my heart
Is always there
But if it causes pain
I'll do without

The love I used to hold has gone away
I was pushing
Until I pushed to far
And I'll be a man without a home

And my hands are empty
And my mind is numb
My reckless ways
What I have done

I could have had it all
But right now
I have nothing



The love I used to have has turned away
I was losing
Until I lost my mind
And I'll be a man without a friend

And my bloods still flowing
My lasting scars
My restless mind
My broken heart

I could have had it all
But instead
I have nothing

Everything I see
In love with me
Eyes follow in a strange familiar way
Smooth tender lines becoming a face

I've seen before

I love too much
To ever hold back

I've been before

Eyes follow as I fall apart
A puzzle of a sparrow singing songs in the dark
Can't be completed
Its missing many pieces

I've sang before

When everybody loves you
And you never feel lonely
Everything I see
In love with me

I'll love again

Mountain tops
Glimmering shimmering stars
The mystical magical moon
The bright life-giving sun
Planes on metal wings
And birds I hear sing
The hands of lovers
And the minds of men

Dreams

These are just a few of the things
I know I'll reach someday

Just a cloud in the sky
It's the middle of the night
And it rained all afternoon
Just a drop of water
That has been amplified
And multiplied becoming a milieu
The world you knew

The clouds that broke before
Were symbolic of sadness

Just a song to sing
To the rhythm of the falling rain
To the heartbeat and the veins
Just a drop of blood
That is you
Becomes me
All I ever want to be

And even when it rains
We have the sun
Even when the nights sky
Is covered by the clouds
We have a star
We make a wish on
For everything we ever want

A wish comes true

So sing and dance with me
In the rain so painful before
In the rain that brings us life
In the storm that brews
Inside a heart
And makes me smile

We'll dance naked in the street
Just the chance that it could be

I'll teach you how to love the rain

And the clouds that are breaking now
Bring only joy and love

I was always content to fall into darkness
To fade into nothingness
My light could only could only shine so bright
That it was blinding
If no one can see
What's the use in showing?
but you can see me
At times it only would seem that the hands that touch me
Are nothing I can feel
I was only looking at endings
Final chapters in a novel about ghosts and wishing wells
A finished story
And even the meaning behind it is lost
but you can reach me
I was
But how can I be now
Now that I've found you!
I was always becoming
But you showed me how to be
What I want to be
A rock on a shoreline
Pounded and pounded by the cruelest waves
But still standing strong
Still standing
I was always content with nothing
But you showed me something
Something about you is everything
Everything I ever dreamed
And if I was content to die before
At this point I want nothing more
That to show you love
And I'll burn as the brightest star
With all my might
I'll be a light
To guide you home at night
I was always content before
Now
I look for something more
I look to you