svdgrl

svdgrl Jun 2016

I'm scared to numbness,
clutching
my moral compass,
as the only weight
that keeps me from
blasting
off this cruel crust
of our planet.
**** it.
There was a time
my feet only knew to fly
in the right direction.

svdgrl Jun 2016

Uninspired Lonely Words

To my left
there is my lover.
To my right
I see my sister.
In front of me
there's uncertain mist.
Trailing me,
feelings persist.
I'm encircled by
so many souls,
but still I feel all alone.
Am I selfish?
To want more?
To fill the space
I've become?
Look to the light
and I see nothing.
Search for pictures
and get only words.
Lonely words.

#inspiration #freewrite #artistblock

svdgrl Apr 2016

What's there to enjoy?

Stop poking around.
You're just searching for another hair.
You're just searching for another reason to be sad.
You're not searching for a reason to leave.

I hear him utter curses in the other room.
Another ****** shake.
He's sipped something rotten and now it's gone to waste.
I lick the salt off of my skin.

Go ahead, deflect again.
Try to forget what you read.
It's 4/20 after all, put smoke in your head.
Cloud those memories a bit.

Icy **** rips.

***** and cigarettes.

Bernie lost New York last night.

Someone please ****** me.

#sadness #betrayal #abstract #420

svdgrl Apr 2016

No primary sources

All of whom you wish could witness
this shameful vulnerability of yours
won't.
They do not etch your name into their pages
in ritual repetition.
They do not reread the shameless writing
with emotional masochism.
They do not lay at night reliving your smile
in the light shapes dancing across their walls.
They do not wish for the end
because they hate what their story has become.
Not like you do, sad girl.
They do not search for you.
Your documents are scattered
deep inside their fading history
burnt and blocked
exactly how they prefer it.
They toast to forgetting their sorrows.
Their guilt is a crumpled letter under every bottle of wine
they get too caught up to finish.
They've long become bored visualizing those fingers
groping their breaths for apologies
by scribbling poorly written prose
with blood from underneath the nails.
You've bitten them raw, sad girl.
You've tasted the bitter grime
from relentlessly scraping ***** windows
They still do not see you.
They still do not want to see you.
They won't ever knock on your door
and ask to review you.
Lock up and step outside-
there's beauty in the blank last page of leaving.

No one owes you anything.

#movingon

svdgrl Apr 2016

Lent for Love

The whirr of the rush hour in the morning
and the lack of human sounds outside my door
reinforces that I'm alone.

It was a noise similar to my usual routine,
of quelling needy pangs of connection,
with what is always plugged in.

You had slept with me on this bed twice before
and you were unaware that on it,
I numbed myself quite frequently.

I reprimand myself to let go of expectations,
they have long become pipe dreams and idealism,
and would be foolish to follow still.

#disappointment #givingup #sexuality #repression

svdgrl Mar 2016

Believe in Something

Do you solemnly swear or affirm that you will faithfully execute your role as a citizen in this democracy, and will to the best of your ability, preserve, protect and defend the constitution of the United States?

Do you expect your president to? Your congress?

You don't have to believe in politics because even if you don't
they will still exist.
They will still make decisions that effect your livelihood.
You could move away, sure, but if you lived here long enough,
you're an American.
And wherever you go, they will see you as your country.
They'll hear it when you speak.
You could refuse to preach for a country you're not proud of,
that's fine.
But the grumblings often heard from these masses, the complaints,
the horrified hushed whispers and the disdain,
those shouldn't be uttered either.
Those masses were the students in school who never received awards for participation,
they're embarrassed by their government but have never stepped foot in a polling booth, better yet, never even registered to vote.
I know, because I was one of them.
We know the arguments.
We all fear that our vote wont matter.
I'm part of a generation where it seems that
giving a **** isn't cool anyway.
Dank memes are meant to be liked and not followed up on.
Armchairs are in every home and those who sit in it keep it warm.
But there's more on our heads, guys.
And even more in our hands.
They can blame us left and right for the indifference we practice,
but we'll only justify it in our silence.
Give a ****.
Give two.
Sitting around in echo chambers
only results in deafening noise.
And you can't run away if you can't hear them coming.
And the voices, they sometimes make me sick to my stomach.
but I'm stronger than fear mongered puke.
And though it's "cooler" to bask in your sickness amongst my peers,
It doesn't move anything.
I don't need to know or be a minority personally to know that they're being hunted.
To believe their stories, that have been proven countless times anyway.
And I strongly believe that neither does anyone else.
Bystanding up to the man will result in blame games.
Do something. Even if it's not much.
There's promise out there.
You just have to make an oath to find it.

#politics #believe #try #government #vote #millennials #election2016

svdgrl Mar 2016

No, I'm not in your life anymore

I pity you in your lost battles
and I hope you find it in your heart
to become better.
And not die smoking your last cigarette,
licking your self-inflicted wounds,
at the bottom of a
40 oz bottle of malt liquor,
you bought by selling your pills.
Because I cannot hate like you do,
I wish you good health.
I cannot host the best pity party
because self-deprecation
is not something I can fake
for likes and notes.
Despite your missing apologies,
your betrayal is forgiven.
Best of luck,
new stranger.
Nice to know your silent danger.

#betrayal #friendship #forgiveness #movingon