there was a Butterfly on a velvet lavender Peony —
its petals prickled in the crisp breath of spring, sighing
just softly enough to lift Butterfly's wings,
with the ambitious hope that she would see many other gardens
and love Peony's velvet lavender petals just the same.
Peony's hope spun silky and shimmering like a spider's web;
a picture realized somewhere between imagination and wishful thinking.
how brazenly did Peony venture to forget the stickiness of those alluring threads;
a spark of amnesia that flickered too close to the cords of fate.
Peony bloomed and wilted on that hallowed ground,
while passing time pierced Peony's burgeoning faith
no summer nor winter
nor spring nor fall
would ever find Butterfly there again.

i was once the well-worn book at your
bedside,
and then i was the last chapter
of the book you were afraid to
finish.
now i am a dusty journal,
hidden away with lock and key.
you do not know what to do with me.
i hold your memories
your secrets
your fear and your desire
if you did not want me
printed on the back of your mind,
you should not have filled me with your words
or stained my pages
with your touch.
you wrote these words, darling,
in fountain pen;
i cannot be erased.
you will not throw me out
you will not burn me
you will not rip my pages
you will never forget me.

the first time
i left because
i needed you and
you didn't need me
the last time
i left because
i didn't need you
i needed me

my words are smattered across the page
filling every blank space
a lengthy missive,
all to tell you
the words i couldn't speak
all to tell you
why i walked with you
so many times
why i sat in the grass
bug bitten, sweat ridden
i can tell you
it surely wasn't for anyone else
all to tell you
the songs that make me think of you
songs i’d play in my car
and pretend i didn't know
that you knew them too
all to ask you
why you stayed up talking to me
until 2am
and now we barely speak at all
all to ask you
what changed
because i'm getting quite good
at pretending
pretending i don't care what you do
pretending i don't want to walk with you
pretending your words don't affect me
pretending these words aren't for you
yet, here i am, writing these words
and i will put it in an envelope
carefully seal it
stamp it
and throw it in the fire

forbidden feels so good
until it burns your lungs
some lies taste like honey
until they burn your throat
some people burn, beautiful and bright
until it hurts to look any more
invincibility is the worst kind of vulnerability
invincibility makes the gazelle
to lie down at the feet of the lion
trust can be found the easy way
or the hard way
the hard way, a
well-worn path
lit by warm, smiling faces
paved with promises
leading to destruction
i thought i could subdue that wretched monster,
fate
in the end, i suppose i have you to thank
for proving me wrong

pictures of you that i
stapled to my
pillow, so that
you're there when
i'm lonely or
tired,
so that you
sop up my sobs and
soak in my screams, you
are beneath my deepest dreams and my
nightmares, too

from the sky, looking down
i could almost see
every drop of our lives
in the vast expanse of the sea