up all night,
working on last minute touches,
for the exam of life.

alone again between four walls
neglecting the world beyond
to pass,
the seconds productively
with no time
for happiness because,

Hard work and direction
Blood, sweat and tears
that's what leads to the future.
the Successful years.
the years of your career,
working life to the full,
selling your soul
for those that exploit you.

take your needs and your rights,
repackaging your life,
as an object
of desire to be earned
to make you a success,
when truly
it only makes you human.

oh you don't realise
we are more
than our productivity,
our money, our prosperity.
it is not what they told you.
it is not the peak
rising from a mountain
of failure.

it is beautiful
shining bright
in us all.
in the flap of a birds wing,
the love of your kin.
in the kiss of your mother
and the touch of a lover.

it's in your hopes and,
your dreams
to break free
of your chains.

it's in the flow of your pen
in your words and your way
it's in your hands now
and it's so much more than today.

You were hard as nails,
so cynical.
Love doesn't exist,
it's just a social construct,
you would spit with venom
then flash a coy smile.
It's an abstract concept,
you hissed as you twisted
the end of your hair
round your finger and you thought it twisted all the boys too,
to wonder how someone so cold
could look so sweet.
Like the apple in the orchard of Eden
crushed between the jaws of Eve.
It gave you a kick to think that your rare kiss turned them to smoulders
while you sat there like frost on the cusp of a Monday morning.
Never feeling anything,
you were untouchable.
Young puppy dog eyes meant nothing.
It gave you power to know you wouldn't be held down by them.
You never wanted to be.

And even after you first kissed him, touched him,
a thought was not spared on him.
Until then you looked into his eyes
and realised he was an angel
in disguise.
All at once you noticed where his wings touched the crook of his neck
and how the glow of his halo eclipsed the sun.
Eclipsed your whole world.
It was all you could see and they told you to stare at it would damage you,
but oh you couldn't look away.
Not for a second.
And you fell for him,
Like falling from heaven.

But he caught you on your way down.
Because it wasn't like they said,
it wasn't all heart break and lies,
another girl, like those other guys.
It wasn't all blackmail and force
with no love, no remorse.
It was feather soft
and tender.
Small kisses peppered on cheeks
lips and noses
all over.
It was fast, it was quick
with so much feeling it almost hurt.
But he made the masochism you preach.
With you,
he made heavenly sin,
on his knees he worshipped you
like the ancient gods,
he had never believed in.
But he had faith in you
and he gave you wings
like seraphim.
Like him.
He made you fly.

Oh and now you love him
like nothing else,
more even
than you love yourself.

You tell me, stay in school.
Push me into subjects
I dislike. Tell me, do well,
so I can sleep and eat
and weep, freely. Forever.

Yet you, you did none of
that. You blew your life
away on smoke rings,
round the back of
school bike sheds.

Never have kids, you chant.
Yet you brought me
into this world at nineteen,
planned and decided and
chosen, whatever. Forever.

Kids ruin your life, you cry.
And did I ruin yours?
A permanent reminder
of what could have been,
where you could have gone,
what you should have seen?

I mean, it's obscene.
I know you cherish me.
Your cherubim. Sixteen and
high-achieving. Your darling
daughter. Forever.

And maybe it's because
you know I could do better.
But I guarantee, you were
told this once too. And
perhaps it disheartened you,
pushed you to rebellion.

Or perhaps this is
encouragement you never saw?
Motivation you had so
wished and hoped and
dreamed for?

And so, you are a hypocrite
with good intentions.
You want me to live
the life you never did,
go places you never could.

I am the you of the future.
I am you reborn, forever.

I love you most with tension between us
You're sad, I'm mad,
Look at me.
And oh that stare
Makes my stomach churn,
With worry of what it means for us
Because maybe you'll never look at me how you used to.
I love you most when I fear I might lose you,
Gone forever,
With worry I'll never feel your hands
Make burning embers of my skin
Make me quiver
Shiver
Ashes in your arms again.
With fear your lips will never again gently,
Passionately, protectively
Meet mine.
I love you most when I get that edge
of the cliff
No breath feeling,
When it's all drooping sighs, angelic eyes
Balled up fists, wrenching heart
Aching head
Sick to my stomach,
I can't lose you, I love you, I hate you.
I love you most in the end
when we don't fight,
When, oh god, we aren't one of those couples
We become tense and worry
We lie, cry
Want to die
But never fight,
We just curl up and sigh
Breathe each other in and touch
Like we might fall apart.
But truly,
I love you most when you say
You aren't going any where,
you love me
Hold me close, won't let go
When I tell you over and over
I want you, I need you, I love you.
I love you most when we are finally together.
Alone.
And we sin,
I feel myself unravel in your bed
And breathless we cling to each other,
Come crashing back
And I bury my smile in your chest
And, at last,
I'm home.

They always say never make homes in people.

But I’m afraid you are all I live in now

And I’m sorry but I’m moving in for good,

Because I’ve scribbled my thoughts across your walls

And you let me stay all the same.

And even when I was short of rent,

Even when I thought I wasn’t enough,
You kept me.

And you are the only bed that hasn’t been a nightmare

And I’ve curled up in your sanctuary.
You’ve tucked me in tight 

And now it’s time to sleep,

And sleep.

Within the castle I’ve built from your arms.

The cradle of my life.

The place to go when my storms arise.
Where I can hide,

Behind your defences.

Even if you think you aren’t tough enough.

Even if you think your foundations might crack,
like the thunder over head.

No matter what,

I’ll build you back up again,

To keep me warm and dry,

I’ll hold you up.

And I can be your home too.

If you need it.

I’ll give you a bed for the night.

For life.

Even though I might not withstand the weather,

Because I’m too soft.

Too small.

But I’ll dry you off when it all dies down
And you can feel my warm caresses

As though the sun is shining through the window.

So stay as long as you need.

Go when you please.

I think the doors I built, 

for you,

now stand open forever.

But God I never want to walk out yours,
For fear they could swing shut for good.
Because I could never find a place like you again.

A place so heavenly.

A place so divine.

A place to call my home.

A place to call mine.