claire

claire Oct 2019

I'm thinking about you right now because I couldn't possibly think about anything else.
I'm in a black and white movie and I can hear all the clashing going on behind the scenes
There's loud chords that feel like they are being plucked on my heartstrings because I can see the vibrations moving all the way through me,
through the insulation of my army green jacket that you gave me in the summer.
And it's ridiculous to me how this little fly on the table has no idea what's going on, isn't a part of anything I'm experiencing.
Black and white movie with cold orange lights.

#anxiety #relationship #brain #dump #scattered

claire Oct 2019

101719

I am content with the rain
I am content with the falling leaves
I am not content with the
Empty space
I am not content with my
Empty hands
When my heart is full of you

#love #sadness #heartache #relationship #autumn

claire Oct 2019

slide stairs

rotted and fresh,
leaves fused together
by mud slip.
mottled carpet

claire Aug 2019

growing pains

When I was young
I wanted a canopy bed
They say seeing is believing but
I thought that not seeing was the same as
Believing you were safe

When I was young
I feared house fires and
Losing my mom in the aisles
But now I know she'd always come back to find me
No matter the flame

I'm blind on the way home
All I see are glowing golden arrows
All I hear are growling stomachs
All I feel are these growing pains
I pause on the way home
Only turn on when my ears are covered
This is over, this is over

When I was young
I searched for people like me
But it was impossible when I didn't know myself
Now I've collected a few
Enough for my two narrow hands to hold

When I was young
We took family pictures
Now there's vacancies
And I've learned that growing up is
Skipping changes and missing birthdays

I'm blind on the way home
All I see are glowing golden arrows
All I hear are growling stomachs
All I feel are these growing pains
I pause on the way home
Only turn on when my ears are covered
This is over, this is over

We are over, this is over

a reflection on change, especially the change from child to adult.

#change #new #beginnings #growth #memories #sentimental

claire Aug 2019

brightside/darkside

if i died tonight, would you miss me?
would you say nice things at the funeral
and tell people i had a beautiful soul
or would you tell them that my thoughts were troubled
and you helped to calm the waters

would you tell them i died too young
or would you say that i had plans for living
would you say how i always looked on the bright side
or would you explain that i had a dark side
only you could see

would you recall the memory of the day we met
or would you tell them the pieces we shared
talk about the first time we kissed
or the first time you asked if i was okay

if i died tonight, i'd want you to be honest
just don't give all the good parts away

thinking about what people would say about me if I died right now. especially one person, who knows me better than almost anyone. wondering if they would gloss over my rough bits and paint me as a blank angel-fairy child.

#eulogy #funeral #existential #nightthoughts

claire Jun 2019

kisses

he kisses my cheeks, my nose, my fingers, my shoulders
scattered like raindrops
the loveliest feeling to be cared for like this

claire Jun 2019

names

a little mouse (remy)
a koala
a troll doll
and wicked pretty