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I spent my days staring at her
Contemplating her beauty
Missing lessons left and right
Failing quizzes and the like

I used my spare time thinking about her
Us having picnics on hills
Staring lovingly into her eyes
Her face radiating in the sunlight

I imagined our waking hours
In our house by the beach
Opening our eyes so sluggishly
Exchanging smiles, her and me

I stopped daydreaming and thought
Of the dark reality
I imagined all the way
And let her slip away
Oh look at all that burning passion.
You can feel the heat it brings
As it dances around
Illuminating the room

What magic started this fire?
I ask as the flame dances
It grows hotter
As I try to find it's source

I then remember
That the flame
Started out as
*Sparks
Have I ever considered ******?
I ask myself
Yes
I thought of murdering the one I love
Because I could never read her signs
that she was pushing me away
Have I ever thought of suicide?
Of course I have
I think about it
All the time
******
Suicide
Death
Pain
I don't know what has come over me
Everything is painful
My body and my soul
I just don't know what to do
And let's face it
Almost all of us have fallen for a *****
Who will leave you in a flash
I don't know why I'm not over it
*******
I'm living in hell
A hell I can't escape
Because the one I love,
The one who left me
Reminds me of everything that exists
Every time I think of suicide, I write a poem.
My writing is what keeps me sane
I've gotten this far, so I'll keep on going.

My writing, my writing,
Thank you so.
For without you this one would not be written

Each time there is a blade softly pressed against my skin,
I put it down and write about this ******* I'm in
It keeps me alive, but keeps me sad.

I think I'm depressed, maybe I'm not,
Maybe I just want out.
Out of this life, out of this world, out of everything now.

If you hate me, I hate you too,
But nobody hates me more than myself.
I've known myself too long to love me.
Written on Oct. 23, 2014

Written out of impulse. Had some problems last night and wrote some poems to try and calm down. Hence, the seemingly scattered flow.
Help me for I suffer
Love songs mean nothing now
Drag me into my grave

Tears race down my cheeks
And my skin turns cold
Why must you do this to me?
What sin have I committed?

Haunt me no longer, I wish
Burn in eternal fire, breathe in my hatred
I hate loving you

Images of you and I burn my memory
There was no then, no now
There was only I who loved
While you endured my infatuation

Drown in my love
Leave me be
Die
Written on May 19, 2014

Let's face it, she never liked me anyway. She never will too. Even if nothing happened between us, it still hurts like hell.
I'm smelling ash that isn't there
And tasting beer I haven't drank,
I have you to thank.

I miss these dull temptations
Even all they've done is hurt me.
Leaving me was easy, how hard could it be?

These days I laugh,
I laugh with pain,
I can't even try to say your name.
Well, here's something. It isn't much, I guess. Charles Bukowski's "Cows in Art Class" stuck with me and here's something I cooked up from it.

— The End —