your words wounded deeper than your fists,
and it seems like a life time ago when I forgave
you.

I find myself afraid of becoming like you once again,
the you that no longer exists, but lives botteled up in
all my passive aggressive energies.

I am afraid I might be a father that unleashes my anger
and frustrations at my future baby, and yet in my heart
I know that I am free.

I know father that you were a child of abuse like me,
and you did the best you could.  I dont't have to continue
the cycle of violence.

I start by loving me with all of my gifts and imperfections,
and with this new found freedom I can love like a father
who is not bounded by the past.  

I forgive you.  I love you.

From humanity’s infancy
We whispered a plea
Then came a hopeful howl

Crushed by the infinite
Beyond the grasp of reason
We cried out to the darkness

Stumbling babies
Longing for a father
Mumbling morons

The stars were there
But the night was bare
Father

Mercy a comforting delusion
Tenderness and purpose
Warm blankets

We wept for something
We never even had
For a father

Fear and tears
For the almighty being
The king of all those
Smitey things

In the night many thought
We heard him reply
We justified the lie
For a fake father figure
In the scary dark sky

I hope you’re happy

With your new family

I’m honestly proud of you

You didn’t abandon those kids

Like you did to me

I’m almost nineteen

And as the years go by

I’m learning to let go

I promise you one thing

Whenever I have kids

I’ll be the father to them

That you weren’t for me