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Jan 2023 · 676
Draft
Teresa Magaña Jan 2023
How many drafts of our lives have we lived before this one?

How many versions of myself did I actually Love?

How many times could I sincerely say I know what Happiness is?

This life has been one of clarity and certainty
I know what Love is and isn’t, of myself and for others
I realize now that Happiness is not a constant, its just not possible
But the moments of cheer and smiles are what that feeling is supposed to be

I believe I’m in one of my final chapters
Perhaps even the epilogue

Whichever it may be, my soul is definitely much closer to peace

I’m looking forward to the final draft
Feb 2020 · 243
Spring Forward in Chicago
Teresa Magaña Feb 2020
I miss that extra hour,
The one spring took away,
Oh wait, Winter hijacked Spring this year…
:-/
An oldie, but goodie. Had to republish this as Spring is coming up quick. Chicago weather has you thinking Winter is gonna last forever, then we get a day of warmth, then its back to the bitter city winds. We just trying to make it thru these winter days. Stay strong peeps!
Feb 2020 · 152
Elements of my Peace
Teresa Magaña Feb 2020
Clarity
Certainty
Truth

The presence of all three can make one feel strong and secure,
But it comes with seeing and knowing realities which are most harsh, cruel and feared,

There is a comfort in having clarity of the mind,
But it comes with seeing both the ugly and beautiful, in its raw purest essence,

There is confidence in certainty,
But it comes along with knowing exactly what actions must take place,
You are then forced into a position of making choices you’d otherwise may have been passive about,

Peace can be found in Truth,
But the truth is not always bright and loving,

There is power in clarity, certainty and truth,
But there is vulnerability that comes along with it,

Having the Strength and Will to protect our vulnerability is the work we have to continually do,
Its foundational, its necessary to live with these elements every day,
Strength and Will,

But lets not dismiss Vulnerability,
Because without Vulnerability, we are not able to feel the best from the worst,
The good from the sad, and the healing from the pain,

Certainty, Clarity and Truth, in its purest acceptance will bring you to a most wondrous place in this life,

Try it....
Feb 2019 · 672
Rest, Sleep, Dream
Teresa Magaña Feb 2019
There is no rest tonight
I sleep… But I do not rest
I dream that you are being eaten from the inside out
When I wake and look into your sunken eyes… Hug your frail body...
I know that MY dream is YOUR reality
There is no rest for you
There is no sleep for you

I dream you are drowning
And even though you grab my arm for me to pull you out
The weight of your heart, tainted blood in your veins, and gathered regrets in your mind are too heavy for us both

But your head remains afloat…allowing you to breathe
So you let me comfort you by holding your hand
And you hold your mouth open…only allowing a sustenance that your mind has tricked you to believe is salvation
But its poison…a twisted substance that tangles itself in your mind, attaching itself to your body…
I remain holding your hand, because in the depths of your sunken eyes, I still see the glimmer of your spirit

I dream that you are being destroyed from the inside out…almost every night
And you are
Your thoughts and emotions are continually triggering and misfiring
Sharp and ricocheting through out your whole being
Destroying you, leaving you aching and in pain
Your solution…to go numb and distract from actually healing

I dream you are choking
And you are,
Pills, Acid
Corroding and dissolving more than just your physical being
Your turmoil becoming sludge
Just wanting to escape from your body
Getting trapped in your lungs and throat as you cry out for help

I dream you are suffocating
And you were
A dark shadow found its way in front and on top of you
A heavy blanket of darkness so dense you had no way to breathe

And somehow, through these dreams and in our waking moments together
You always found a way to extend your arm out, reaching for help
I’d grip your hand tighter and tighter every time
Your grip feeling stronger the every next time

And somehow…your reality began to change, and my dreams…my nightmares began to fade
Somehow… you found your way…back to us …
Away from the grips of your addiction
Closer to love, light and clarity of your life
Your Mind
Your Heart
Your Spirit

Tonight we rest,
Tonight we sleep,
Tonight I know you will actually dream.
Dedicated to my son who gets to read this. Dedicated to the families who have experienced the many affects and rollercoasters of addiction. Stay strong and keep a light of faith on.
Jun 2014 · 2.0k
Thirst For Me
Teresa Magaña Jun 2014
You are a shiny cup I found that drew me close, and willingly without measure or restraint I have continually poured myself into you...I'm thirsty now...

Your smiles, love, and presence fuel me,...but it'll be passion filled words, kisses and love making embraces that'll quench me... But you don't pour

Instead of pouring myself into you, I'll drip the drops of desire I hold for you, and ache for from you...then you might know what it is to thirst for more...to thirst for me...
Jun 2012 · 760
Strands of …
Teresa Magaña Jun 2012
I left you lying in bed this morning
Thinking my shower would wash away the intensity of the night before
Not because I didn’t enjoy the evening
Only because I enjoy each encounter more and more

But your scent penetrates my pores
It burrows under my skin

Unwilling…ok…maybe willing…I’m pulled closer by the strands your gazes rope around me
Slightly tugging
Loosely looped
I exaggerate the stumble into your arms…and fall into your chest
My arms smushing their way inside you with the intent of feeling your heart beat in my hands

But I push you away
You pull away

It’s a silly secret game we play

When no one is looking
But everyone is looking
What will they say?
Does it even matter?
I’m sure they could care less

But I care
And you care
And we don’t admit that we care

Instead, we look away from each others eyes
Because in silence they say so much

Tightly and loosely looped we remain
Scared to bind or commit to a rope instead of these strands

It’s safer this way
And it feels good this way

But for how long?
Apr 2012 · 1.0k
My Soul Remembers
Teresa Magaña Apr 2012
I have a feeling we’ve done this more than once
Probably a few times because the energy we exchanged as we shook hands jolted me
I took a step back and looked into your eyes for just a moment
Immediately submerged
My soul is taken back to a much older time
Within a second, my heart, my soul, remembered past loves from centuries behind
And they were you
More than once
Trying to get something right each time

I have felt you
Felt this jolt of immediate passion
Drawn to you
Willing to submit

My soul remembers
Remembers your tenderness, mixed with bitterness
Love and anger tangled into a tight knot

My body remembers
Flesh, heat, embrace
It was glorious
A passion to be reckoned with

My mind, it tries so hard to remember
It scrapes at the remnants of what our bodies and souls created
Layers of a history I don’t deny is there
If only
If only I could chip away at that first layer and find out what went wrong so many times
Just to know
To have a chance to make it right in this lifetime

It’s a feeble attempt
But an attempt it was
We shook hands
Shared kisses
Embraced under stars
Traveled distances
Ending up farther away than our last encounter

We continue to breathe and live in the same lifetime
My soul content that it connected with the past
My mind left wondering how many more attempts we will be allowed
My heart happy with remembering, even if for a moment, what passionate love feels like
Mar 2012 · 1.3k
My Chicago Spring
Teresa Magaña Mar 2012
Winter dies
Spring comes alive
There is no Autumn in Chicago
And Spring leaves as quickly as it arrives
Jolting us to what is always an uncertain Summer
That’s my city
Just like my heart
My love life
Chicago
I don’t have one without the other
Mashed up together
Yet separated
Segregated
Deep Love on the Northside
Lover on the Southside
Sidekick on the Westside
And when it’s all too much to handle
The East is my escape
Sitting on the rocks letting my legs dangle and toes dip in the icy cold greenish lake
I feel comfort in it
Immense and wide spread, like me sometimes
Clear but *****
Supposedly the cleanest water you can drink
After the city purifies it of course
Just like me, just like mine
My vessel pours clear and *****
But the city purifies me through cleansing nights
Through raised glasses of wine and music that harmonizes my heart
Kisses that clean and absorb
Tongue that licks off the saltiness I’ve accumulated
A thin layer
Its washed off and cleared from one moment to the next
Like the city skyline
And I’m ready for a new day
A new love
Or lover
I reincarnate in the Spring from what seems a slow death but was only a tormenting hibernation
Led into another uncertain Summer
Returning with scorching tenderness through cool breezes and radiating heart
Radiating sun
That’s how it feels in Chicago
That’s my City
Just like my Heart
I don’t have one without the other
Very inspired by my city today. =)
Mar 2012 · 760
Emotional Chicago Forecast
Teresa Magaña Mar 2012
Sunday
I’m strong, confident
I face everything head on
City is still
City is perfect

Monday
I meet a handsome smile
I blush
I crush
City sun rises, clear in the morning, foggy by midday
Forecast already in disarray

Tuesday
I start to remember what Love feels like
City shares clear bright sunny sky
City heats sidewalks and warms the lake

Wednesday
I drown in my sheets from heart ache
City cloudy, rainy, chilly

Thursday
I lash out
Shouting to the top of my lungs
City windy, thunderous clouds, roof top shingles and street signs fallen down

Friday
I toughen up to face a new day
Straight faced
City cold, bitter, with a touch of sleet and snow on window panes

Saturday
I ease up
I let my frown relax to a smile
City cool, breeze, clear sky

Next week’s forecast?
Please re-read
Something a little different than what I'm used to writing. Enjoy.
(Peeps from Chicago will understand the weather changing from one day to the next, and sometimes from morning to evening...craziness..lol)
Mar 2012 · 801
Time Stopped
Teresa Magaña Mar 2012
Time stopped

The crashing sounds of our scream came to a halt
And echoed for what seemed to be a never ending pause

The loudest moment of silence

And I saw the glimmer in your eyes dim

And everything felt cold

My heart exploding
My eyes overflowing
My screams just going and going

All the while the voice inside telling me to just shut up
And as much as I wanted to
I just kept going and going
Why didn’t I just shut up

I know you were dying to yell that at me

I convince myself you're out to get me
Jabbing at me
Mocking me
Making fun of me

You stood quiet
And when I finally let you speak
You told me how your words or one word that offended me…was actually you trying to defend me

Time stopped

The crashing sound of my heart falling to the ground
The crashing sound of my silence falling down…to the ground

It still echoes in my mind

And I saw the glimmer in your eyes dim…die
And everything feels so cold

The glimmer is not enough to keep either one of us warm

But every time you look at me
Every time I look at you
I’m hoping to see…foolishly
That glimmer grow into a flame
Hoping that one of those looks will be a burning gaze
Burn to make my heart explode
Disintegrating our rage

But no
Never again
No more glimmers
No more flames
We lost this crazy battle
Battle of silliness
War of craziness
War of crazy passion

I forfeit
Only to find out you forfeited long before me

Time stopped for you and me
Our time stopped
I’m glad our screams have come to a halt
Mar 2012 · 809
You Save Me
Teresa Magaña Mar 2012
You save me with your words, hugs, smiles
You save me with white chocolate and sweet wine that’s clear like your eyes
We save each other with guilty pleasures
Shared
And naughty are the thoughts that stir the sweetness that exudes from both our glasses
And we toast to the evening
I sip
And I feel saved
You save me tonight, like you have many other nights
From my consuming thoughts
From my heart that burns so much at times, from a love that only knows how to burn furiously
You save me from the fury
Your love that warms like a low steady flame
You let me fuel it on those evenings
And I let myself go
And I let myself pour
Because nothing else exists in my mind and heart when we gaze in the clarity of this simplicity
You save me from the outside world
It’s in these four walls you keep me safe
Your words, hugs, smiles
Bites of white chocolate and sips of sweet wine
I rest safe in those clear eyes that see ME as perfection
You save me from feeling broken
Feb 2012 · 1.4k
My Blood From Beyond
Teresa Magaña Feb 2012
Through my veins
Traced in my blood
Elements, Remnants
Of beautiful, strong, dark eyed, dark skinned people, women
Skin touched by the sun, leaving a golden tint that glows and flickers under the light of the moon

Eyes and heart moonlit
Glowing even when eyelids are closed
And the soul leaps from the heart to travel those mystical realms
Realms believed and made so real by a people old and lost
People beautiful and horrific all at the same time
So great and tall

And all that’s left is the blood stained heights of pyramids
Unkept and untouched but standing for so long
All along
Stains that raise not the heights of where my people reached
But stains of an obliteration
The grounds they shed and bled over, buried now so deep

I have gazed and pierced through mirrors delving into the deepest darkest part of my eyes
Ojos Tapatios
Ojos desde alla
Darkest, deepest brown mud that seals and protects this ancient blood
Ancient beauty
Ancient woman

Sun touched and moonlit
Here, now, today
A bright, strong leaping soul that lives and breathes remnants of ancient worlds
But speaks words of truths that have no age
And feels love, of herself, her skin, her blood
And even the men, the souls that follow her through the realms

Through my veins
Yo soy Reyna
Yo soy Princesa
Yo soy hija de mi gente
To every end
To every beginning
In every new breath of life I take
And every breath of life there after
Mi gente I emanate
Feb 2012 · 8.0k
When No One Is Looking
Teresa Magaña Feb 2012
When no one is looking
You pull and hold me into your arms
Into your bed
Savoring my kisses and caresses...that I usually hold back
Because its when no one is looking that I completely let go and give you all that I have
When no one is looking
You share your sweet words
Words that warm my heart, heat my chest
Words paired with touches from your fingertips that make me wet
When no one is looking I give into you
I devour and selfishly take all the bites I can
Knowing it drives you to the point you grasp my arms, flip me on my back...
And you begin to taste, bite, and drink of every sensuous sugar flavored bead of sweat
Sweet filled curves
Sangria flavored juices that seap through every pore
Through my vessel it pours
When no one is looking
We are in our own world
And even in a crowded room
The moment no one is looking
In that moment
Without even turning your way
I know you are staring
I feel your eyes embedding and digging their way into my flesh
Its a sensation that starts in my belly
Runs up my stomach, between my breast
Its the thoughts manifesting your hands clenching and pulling at my chest
All this, in the moment when no one is looking
A slight quick moment
We lock our eyes
Both lighting up
Both feeling the heat we know we will be in...later tonight
When no one is looking
Read this at the annual "Exotica, Erotica, Poetica" open mic event at Weeds Bar in Chicago on 2/13/12.
Jan 2012 · 1.3k
Deep Rooted
Teresa Magaña Jan 2012
Deep rooted This is,
This,…what we have,
Young and fragile,
When the roots of my being,…my self,…my soul,
Were growing,…forming,… stretching,
They touched and took hold to your stretched and growing roots,
Part of your being,…part of your soul,
Yours of a mature stage,…stronger,…heavier,…thicker,
Already able to bear and endure the roughness of the elements,
Able to sustain the weight and center of your trunk,
From the moment our roots touched,
They grasped, intertwining themselves,
Stretching and growing as if they were one,
To the naked eye, the roots would appear to be growing as one source,
With careful examination, following each strand like a maze,
They grow from their own base,…But side by side,
Inside and out the roots twist about, in the grasps of one another,
Pulling and tugging when one strand strays,
Deep rooted it began,
Deep rooted it shall remain,
This,
This,…what we have,
For unraveling the tangles of our roots would unravel a life that has grown as one,
This is what we have,
That is what This is,
A life we share together as one,
Deep rooted beginnings, prevents the roots from separating, preventing the denial of a strong love,
There is no denying the love that is there,
A love flowing through the strands of embracing roots,
There is no denying the strength that it holds true,
A true bond,
A true hold,
A true friendship that grew into much more,
Deep rooted This is,
This,…what we have.
Jan 2012 · 590
Untitled...
Teresa Magaña Jan 2012
Haywired and spiraling through the days
Bringing me here today
Feeling like its been a decade
Changing
Maturing
Growing
Releasing the woman that has been locked away
Breaking out now
Venturing out now
Seeing so crisp what’s in front now
Feeling the good from the bad now
Painful endings have brought me to this beginning
Seemingly unbearable pain is what shoved me forward through every ending
But here I am now
Slowly, spiraling down to a landing now
No longer haywired
Just wired, to a semi fix now
Enjoying every moment now
As I smile
Knowing everything has brought me here
Its all clear
There’s no gain without pain
I’m holding a steadiness to push back now
Only roots spiraling now
Digging deep, digging deep
Will continue to grow
Mature
And only change by force of the seasons
Standing now
Out in the open
Never again to be locked away
Any suggestions on a title, or guidance on looking at this piece again to pull a title out would be much appreciated.
Teresa Magaña Jan 2012
The tortured heart and soul do not drive these words anymore
Instead, it’s the delightful lovely thoughts of what the heart and soul has the opportunity to feel
Delightful lovely thoughts that drives and create these new words
Thoughts of a new embrace
New lips
Thoughts of a touch from new hands
Hands to let caress me
Hands that try to find where my skin ends
Tracing my curves
Getting lost as they move in
So many thoughts of where a simple “Hello” can lead
A simple flirty hello that spreads...a smile on my face
Lovely lovely thoughts bounce through this free spirited mind
Lovely lovely things that could become real after a glass of wine
How freeing it is! ...to say all of these things!
I’ve written these words from a depth of sincere happiness
A free soul
No more binding emotional ties that hinder the smile I now like to share all the time
A smile that comes from the bright spirit I now hold
A freeing smile that invites the opportunity of new chances
New chances!
I never thought I would say those words
Lovely thoughts
Lovely things
I’m exited for what they will manifest and bring
Jan 2012 · 7.1k
Occupying Thoughts
Teresa Magaña Jan 2012
Thoughts of you running your fingers down my spine
As if you were unzipping my flesh to find your way inside
As the tip of your…fingers…reach the dip, of the small of my back
I shutter
I smile
I tremble, letting out a sigh
Letting out a small giggle as I feel the hairs all over my body rise
All these thoughts of you consume and occupy my mind
Thoughts of such a glorious night
A night when no one else existed
Those thoughts will remain with me forever
Thoughts of how everything felt so right, but knowing it really wasn’t our time
Memories of how you stared into my eyes
You stared intensely
I stared intently
You gripped the back of my neck, pulling my hair just slightly and roughly enough to make me pulsate even further into your arms,
Your embrace
Pulling me close enough to feel the blood pulsate in your bottom lip
Making me speed up the rhythm of the continuous sway in my hips
Its just a memory now
Of that night
A night I looked into your eyes and saw that you could get lost in mine
And you did
You got lost in me
On me,
In, between me
Between my heated thighs
I felt you fire up
Felt your finger tips burn and steam away my moisture into the late hours of the night
And into the early hours right before the sunrise
I kissed the tip of your nose
Slid my hand slightly over your neck to your chest to your belly
As if I were unzipping you open so I could see what passion looks like from the inside
And I saw it
Through imaginary lines
Passion flowing through a caged soul
A fiery heart
Just enough passion for our one night
Jan 2012 · 973
Canelita
Teresa Magaña Jan 2012
Canela
Savor dulce, picoso
Sweet and spicy at the same time
Piel color de canela
Ojos, pedasitos de chocolate
Morenita
Canelita
You always make me your dessert
Always served up at the end
After your done with your main course, or courses
You say how sweet I look
How sweet I’ll taste
But only for the moment of dessert
And I already know this
And I submit
Because I enjoy the words
The sound of them
The look of your lips as “canela” slides down that little curve on the bottom one
And I give you mis pedasitos de chocolate
Si
Tu morenita
Tu canelita
Jan 2012 · 1.1k
These Words
Teresa Magaña Jan 2012
Words that balance
Words of fairness
Truthfulness
Words as powerful as the thought
Thoughts holding even a greater strength
For it’s the thought that drives the words we speak
It’s the words we speak that can make a person weak
Weak in the heart from words that can tear us apart
Weak in the arms and knees from the words that make the heart pulsate so fast and hard we take a deep breath…..
Just to continue...to hold on
Because the words say…”You mean everything to me...you are my world.”
Words
Words
These pages continue to be fed with words
To let the words breathe
Breathe to give life
Breathe just to die
Line after line
Words of truth
Words that aren’t always so fair
Life isn’t fair
Love isn’t fair
But the words…
They balance
They balance the thoughts
The thoughts holding the strength in every word we speak
Jan 2012 · 746
Changes & Transformations
Teresa Magaña Jan 2012
A transformation has taken place
Constant transformations
Changes
It can happen from one day to the next
Changes of the heart
Changes of ideals
Changes that create new directions to follow
Leaving past destinations as visited terrain
Some visits of beauty and relaxation
Some visits of tragedies and turmoil
Stopping in
Trying not to get ****** in
Making it out to find a new place
Places to rest
Places to reflect
New destinations
New perceptions
Changes bringing about such depths
To explore
To venture and get lost into
Changes!
Changes that bring smiles
Huge grinning smiles
Bringing life to a heart that was at the brink of death
Revived
Survived
Transformed
This heart is reborn!!
Jan 2012 · 884
4 Hour Nap
Teresa Magaña Jan 2012
Sleep is precious
4 hours on a good night…or morning
It all becomes the same
I should just refer to my sleep as naps
But never the less…
YOU KNOW…how precious my sleep is
And YOU…YOU…UGH…Come to me at 3:30 in the morning
Just as I’ve fallen 5 minutes into the deepest sleep I’ve had in a handful of days
You’ve come to BANG,
BANG and POUND…on my door?!
Waking me from my precious sleep
My precious nap
I think to myself, “NAH…it can’t be you…”
But yeah, its you
And instead of finding flattery in such a late night visit from you
I rage inside, ******* that you’ve jolted me from the depth of my nap
Jolted me from a real warm embrace
Yes I said embrace…And yeah he laughs…and says, “Go take care of your business.”
And I do
I go to the door and tell your drunkard, jagger *** to never, ever, come and bang…bang on my door
My sleep is too precious to look beyond the fact that you were thinking of me
The only thing going through my mind was how I wanted to make you disappear forever
And yeah, after that night
You never came again
Well at least…never came to me again
UGH…Just want to forget that night
Or morning
Or whatever
Looking forward to my maybe 4 hour nap tonight
But no
No embrace tonight
But that’s fine
At least I know I’ll sleep the full 4 hours
Teresa Magaña Jan 2012
I don’t say,.. Honey..Baby..Papi Chulo..Carino or Mi amor,

Ok,...maybe when the lights are all off and all doors are closed

I don’t need to say I want you,..or that I need you

My actions
Behind closed doors
In our most intimate moments
Through a long but simple kiss
Should show all that you are and mean to me

Why do I need to say it?...When I’m openly displaying it

I know,..That I’ve put my heart shaped box in your hands..

And what?
Just because I share some sensitive depths of me, doesn’t mean that I’d let you hold my naked heart freely in those bare hands

No,...I will give you the little box
For you to hold
And on occasion
I will take the key, and open it up for some brief warmth

And that’s just me...
Knowing what I feel for a boy
All I know
Showing it with actions
Not always with words

And that’s how these silly boys that could have been
Moved on to the next
Because I didn’t say
I didn’t say and put into words what they should have felt and seen from me
That I had given them pieces of myself
Jan 2012 · 4.4k
Tip Jar Tacos & Sangria
Teresa Magaña Jan 2012
My Sweetness
My Fruit
Little bits of sourness that I have felt from dealing with boys ,..that I’ve let come, …in my life,…and just pass on through,
Like Tita from Agua Para Chocolate
Pouring her energy
Her feelings
Her heart in every dish she made
I poured and poured
10 bottles of red wine…Passionate red vibes
Into that Sangria containing my sweet fruit
And just a little bit,…little bite of lime
That little bit of sourness I hold inside
My energy flowing through every smile, word, and laughter that floated in the air
And bounced from vibe to vibe
And what did I get in return?
Not only the satisfaction of seeing and feeling everyone have such a great time
Giggles from buzzed and tipsy steps of folks passing me by
But the collection of singles, overflowing in the cute bartender’s tip jar
It was your singles
And his singles
And even her singles that filled up that jar
The collection of singles that fed the creative force of souls that night
Fed the souls
Fed the minds
Fed us with creativity
But most importantly
Fed us with awesome tacos at 2:30 in the morning from a place we happened to find right around the block
My Sangria bought us tip jar tacos that night

— The End —