Growing old
is nothing more than
the lengthening
of one's shadow
as it
stretches into
eternity and
is seen no more

There it was, my opportunity.
My one chance at peace.
I could’ve said goodbye.
I should’ve said goodbye,
burned all the words I wrote you
till even the ashes turned blue
from the sorrow and pain
that poured from my veins,
drowned every memory of you
in the ocean
or with  a bottle
whichever came first
to cleanse my minds view.
But every time
I opened my mind
to the possibility
of living in a world without you,
my soul began to tremble and shake
my heart couldn’t help but ache
my senses entered a lull,
and that was just from the potential
of not having you in my life.
Just that simple thought
caused me such strife.
Maybe that thought isn’t so simple,
and like yarn on a spindle,
I’ve been wrapped in your essence
for far too long to conceive of a world without your presence.
It seems that the more I try to forget
the more mesmerized I become
till it’s impossible to be numb
to the warmth of your eyes that mirrors the skies
to the elegance you invoke as though it were a cloak,
there really is no other that carries a candle to your grace
and keeps my heart in an endless chase.
But I’m in need of a reprieve, some sort of break from this game
and yet, I can’t find it in me to leave.
So what am I to do?
Suffer,
attempting to capture a heart
that was always meant to be free?
Or quit,
lose myself in the thoughts of what was,
and what could’ve been?
What do I have left?

Your heart bleeds patriotism
My heart bleeds sorrow
Your body bleeds privilege
My body bleeds suffering
Your mind bleeds ignorance
My mind bleeds in response
We are not the same nor will we ever be
But how long will it take to respect me
Why coddle me with fake pity
We know this never ends pretty
I’ll give up what you call a senseless fight
as soon as you genuinely attempt to see our plight

all that pain
and belittlement
you served me
day and night
when no one
was looking
made the little
man within you
feel much, much,
much bigger
but now you
stand before me
weeping
with no teeth
and the big man
within me
has forgiven you.

this is it, man
the last stop before hell
the final chapter before knowing the unknown
I prayed this day would never come
and I have feared it more than death itself
but now that it has arrived, I can’t move,
I’m paralyzed, comatose,
almost vegetable-like
too many nights were spent
laughing with diesel-powered killers,
singing with mop-haired lepers
in monotone slate
& dancing with minotaurs around
the open flame of age
it’s all behind me now
my days roll through soft and fuzzy
like peaches in the August heat
a cozy bed, comfy pillows, secure blankets
and yet, I felt safer in more dangerous places
(I always preferred the acid rain dripping from the mossy underpass over the holy water bubbling in the Vatican jacuzzi,
yeah dig?)
but now that I’m surrounded by all this
security, comfort and warmth
I feel less alive, almost finished,
when I’ve got so much more to unleash
like a mad dog, old and vicious and untrained by its master with enough bite
to inflame your wrists with rabies.
it’s been one hell of a picnic, lemme tell ya:
kissing death under the ring of vultures
loving women like a broken bear trap
delivering music like an olive branch
cleansing myself from these filthy poems
it’s time to turn it over to someone else
let them abuse the night
and listen to it scream
me? my nights weep themselves to sleep
and I join in on their sorrow.