You said,
"It's hard to feel this much from so far away."
Hard as a ******* wall of concrete.
What if it's not everything we wanted?
But then again,
What if it is?
I know we like to romanticize.
Your two eyes.
I've never seen them up close,
But when I close my own,
In the darkness, there they are.
When we meet, be cautious
Because I think fireworks might explode from my cranium.
Or perhaps expel straight from my chest.
Red, yellow, blue and white.
Sparkling strings of coiled light shooting outward
Until they erupt into a waterfall of crackled illumination.
Fireworks are dangerous
When handled without care.
But in the right hands
They give birth to a mesmerizing presentation,
Making people stop,
Put life on pause.
Raise their eyes.
Lose themselves.
I think maybe it'll be like that.
When you shine I'll stop and stare.
What if it's not everything we wanted?
But then again,
What if it is?
I recently learned that
"Your faith has got to be greater than your fear."
And I'm trying to believe it.
I want to carve the words into my skin
So I never can forget them.

You won't be a doctor
Because of those paper face masks.
You wont touch your fingertips together
But maybe you'll touch my fingertips -
Touch your fingertips to my aching edges.
Nose knuckles knees and elbows.
I promise my skin is not made of velvet
Or paper towels,
Just wishes and deep pores
Filled up like swimming pools of wonder.
They say curiosity was what killed the cat,
But I know the animal doctors pumped
Drugs into my feline until she slowly slipped away
And I know how long and hard I cried over losing a lifelong pet,
Never having known that type of loss until then.
Didn't matter how cat-elderly she was.
But I know you won't be a doctor because of those paper face masks.
You
With your heart of alabaster plaster,
Paint splatter,
Striped hoodies and rainbows,
Scribble faster.
You're teaching me how to be.
And each day I silently thank you
From my brows down to my feet, down to the soles.
Our souls have shaken hands and enjoyed the fit they found.
Tick tock.
Why wait when the time is now?
I think we know what we think we know.
Don't you know?
Know how you slay me with compliments -
Cut me straight down the middle so my left and right have to find each other again
Before I even have the time to blush.
I asked you your favorite flower
Even though I was pretty sure you had told me already.
I wanted to make sure.
Lilies.
And because of that movie I know the lily means "I dare you to love me"
And I have to wonder
Is it really your favorite or are you sending me a message?
Our world is enveloped in messages
Of the Tumblr Facebook Skype and text varieties
If I sent a carrier pigeon, would it make its way to you?
The past has a funny way of repeating itself
And I've never seen a carrier pigeon
But who knows,
I could put those babies back in business.
Tick tock.
You said ***** the what ifs.
Let's hold dear our future plans.
If it makes you happy, why do anything else?
It feels like I'm on the operating table
Awaiting something too big to comprehend
I think of your hands and the curve of your being fitting with mine
Eyes closed. Chapstick whispers.
Soft lashes that stay where they belong.
The operating table doesn't seem so cold
And I question everything I thought I knew.
But one thing I know for sure
Is that you'll never be a doctor.
Because of those paper face masks.
And that's fine by me
Because I don't think I need an operation
To be me
*For you.