A new day, sunny weather,
stressed out, just like any other,
but at least I can watch Harry Potter
and I am watching it on my own, because I was left alone.
Can't reach anyone at the phone, it's because I am alone.
I am sitting here, drinking my beer,
though that I don't really like it, am drowning my fear.
This might be a little weird, but I wish I had a man with a real beard, just like Hagrid.
I feel bored and yet amused, while I create this masterpiece, confused.
I am done with the movie and now have nothing to watch.
Done with my beer, ready for the scotch.
Slowly getting drunk, emptying the glas.
I think it was one too much, am gonna pass.
While I am busy pitying myself, I didn't notice the call.
Checking my phone, there's a message on it but it says nothing good at all.

'Hey You, I've been trying to reach you for hours now, but I guess you're busy with self-pitying yourself again and to be honest, I am tired of this, this is my final goodbye'

Feeling so cold and alone, I could be a reference to a stone. My heart torn apart, not filled with love but shards. I can't look forward anymore, because all that I can see is the past within me. A thousands times I was hurt, been standing alone at the court of a judgemental source. I've got your word and all these from those others too, but it wasn't ever worth, well that's actually also nothing new.

If I could speak, I would yell out my hate and every single word which got thrown, I might not be able to make any noises, but trust me I will always remember these voices. YOU'RE STUPID, yes I know. YOU'RE NOTHING, if that's what you say, YOU'RE USELESS ANYWAY.

One night I was dreaming, but woke up because I heard my mother screaming. I've been sneaking to their room, and I was silently standing there, but everything I saw was our doom. I saw my mother with a knife, she was about to take my father's life. She was helpless and she couldn't continue anymore, so I saw my father dropping to the floor. She looked at me because I started crying, and when she saw me shaking, I could feel her heart breaking.

She pulled out the knife of my father's chest, and shoved it between her *******, but before she did, she has spoken her lasts words. She also dropped to the floor, both were death, I was still standing at the door, hearing nothing but my own breath. Since this day I've remained silent and didn't ever say a single word, instead I put my thoughts and feelings on paper, while writing this text from the psychiatry as a self proclaimed psychedelic shaper.

If I would lose every connection, it would be called dedicated deception.
I'd ask myself this question, am I really in the right session?

I've thought about being tall, but people rather wanted me to stay small.
I've looked helpless for a moment, but when I called for help, I just faced torment.
Whenever I felt down, the people who would have shown, where only those who've thrown.

I just want to dream, and I rather don't want to be seen.
I've got hurt so many times, it felt like being captured in a crime.
Those people who've talked to me about love, acually always were rough.

I have no right to rule or demand, but would have loved it, to take someone's hand.
I just want to be respected, and not neglected by all those ******* crackheads.
But everything that happens to me, will be something I'll make you see,
and then you'll agree, that I was feeling like I had to flee.

I never had expected, that I would be distracted,
but I always did, when u acted, like I was accepted.

I've got used, and never really felt amused,
but does it matter, my mood changes like the weather.

Sometimes I cry so much, that my tears could drown you,
and I show my feelings, infront of you weaklings.
You're feeling strong, but actually are stupid all day long.

I've got beaten down, but I am here, picking up that crown.
Everyone of you always feels so high, but for me it's not even worth to sigh.
It might be sad to hear, but I've got used to my fear.

I am strong enough, to never give up, and I will never change,
I'll be the friend for those who need me, and maybe one day you'll understand and see,
that everyone who's around you,
is nothing but a dedicated deception, and you should ask yourself this question...
do you actually have any meaningful connection?

The world is a bad place for a good soul, yet we can ignite like burning coal.
Fire in our eyes, we can make their heartbeats rise, within shady lies.
We pretend to know, but we're moving far to slow, since lies freeze us into ice.

Gotta help someone out, then I can feel proud -
But should I really feel that way, is it really good to say?

If I'd be in need, I'd look for a hand that feeds,
I would be kind, and would not have any bad things on my mind.

I've got used so many times, but I never noticed it.
Trapped inside a shell, never cracked and never escaped, because it had a hard shape.

Sometimes I think about me, who is stuck inside this misery.
I can't live, but at least I survive, even though the knife is my only friend in Life.

I hide my tears, living with my fears, but I smile, since I don't want others to worry,
it's just a normal day, me writting a letter and acting to feel better, but whatever.

I am trying to help people, always and whenever I can, but when they tell me to take care of myself, I could cry and ask myself, why don't you take care of me and why do I have to do it for you, where's the logic, where are you, when you need me I am here, but I am alone and I have to take care of my own fear.

We could live a happy life, but since the world is a bad place for a good soul, we will never be together and our days will be as dark as crows.

You're gone, I won't see you anymore.
I started crying when I heard that you have left.  

Am speechless, because of you.
Am drowning in my tears, because of you.
Am driving insane, because of you.
But without you, I'd not be here.
It's all because of you.

Started from the bottom, and haven't ever seen a glimpse of light.
Was wandering in the darkness, and met you in the night.

You've gave me your hand, and with it your heart.
It felt like a bridge and you've offered me a new start.

You just were there, and I couldn't believe my eyes.
Someone reaching out to me, but I was tired of all these lies.

I've asked you, if you will never leave and let me alone.
You've answered 'No', in such a breathtaking and charming tone.

You've got me up, and brought me over this bridge.
Felt a smile appearing on my face, and didn't even feel a single stitch.

It was so good and it felt so right,
thank you for meeting you, at this lonely night.

But now you're gone, we've not been together for very long.
I am about to cry, why has it to be you who had to die.

Am speechless, because of you.
Am drowning in my tears, because of you.
Am driving insane, because of you.
But without you, I'd not be here.
It's all because of you.

I'll always be in love with you, it's because of you.