I’ve never been good at asking for what I need
when I do, I fight myself every step of the way
it doesn’t seem to come out right—
or maybe I just don’t say the right words
maybe I’m not being seen or heard
is there a misunderstanding,
or do I feel misunderstood?
I don’t know—
maybe it’s all in my head
what I do know is that I don’t have the energy
to fight to be seen
maybe I’m just being dramatic
maybe I feel rejected
I don’t know if that’s sensitivity, or if my feelings are actually valid
I feel a missed bid for connection
I feel as if I am giving more than I am receiving
at times, it feels as if there’s no reciprocity
I desire, want, and need
to not feel so alone with another human being
I don’t know if I’m being irrational with this,
or dismissive to myself
I have an intense want to avoid and withdraw
I don’t know if I’m just being sensitive
I just wanted ten minutes of time, and it seems as if there’s no time at all
I expect myself from others
and let myself down when I don’t receive that
maybe I have unrealistic expectations of others
maybe I am asking for too much
maybe I am just being sensitive.
a thought process of feeling too much, and nothing at all in the same breath.