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jon 5d
I’ve never been good at asking for what I need

when I do, I fight myself every step of the way

it doesn’t seem to come out right—
or maybe I just don’t say the right words

maybe I’m not being seen or heard

is there a misunderstanding,
or do I feel misunderstood?

I don’t know—
maybe it’s all in my head

what I do know is that I don’t have the energy
to fight to be seen

maybe I’m just being dramatic

maybe I feel rejected

I don’t know if that’s sensitivity, or if my feelings are actually valid

I feel a missed bid for connection

I feel as if I am giving more than I am receiving

at times, it feels as if there’s no reciprocity

I desire, want, and need
to not feel so alone with another human being

I don’t know if I’m being irrational with this,
or dismissive to myself

I have an intense want to avoid and withdraw

I don’t know if I’m just being sensitive

I just wanted ten minutes of time, and it seems as if there’s no time at all

I expect myself from others
and let myself down when I don’t receive that

maybe I have unrealistic expectations of others

maybe I am asking for too much

maybe I am just being sensitive.
a thought process of feeling too much, and nothing at all  in the same breath.
IdleHvnds Feb 20
Letting go —  is something I need to practice.
Why should I hold on to things that cause me pain.

I stand here on fire, seeking no relief, engulfed in blistering agony..
I won’t allow myself to extinguish the flames licking at my skin.
In fear that I might be just imaging things.

I don’t cry out, I don’t say a word —
I watch as my skin melts,
beads of moister gathering in the corner of my eyes,
Rolling down my cheek, these tears give little alleviation.

I walk further into the fire, as proof to myself,
This isn’t bad, I’m just being sensitive.
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