A cry for help is what you do once in a blue moon
This thing that you say that you need help but it never comes true
You keep on fighting with the voices and the demons
They control your every move
But you know what you have to do the night you cried for help
You have to hurt yourself in order for the demons to be happy
You have to do everything they say to you have to not eat for a week
You have to not do this for a week
You have to work out every day
You have to whatever the demon tells you to do
Because if you don't then you die
It keeps going on all day and all night
When you cry in your room cutting your arms and cutting your legs
The blade that you hold is the demons voices and the demons actions
The next day comes and you're thinking about crying for help
Instead you just say what the person asking how are you with a lie
They don't care no one cares about you
You go back to square one of telling no one that you are struggling
You put your boundaries back up
You tell what they want to hear
Truly you just want help and need help but that is not given

If I was a dress;
I will cut myself;
If I was lion;
I’ll roar like a monster;
If these threads are worn out;
I might cut again;
My life is a puzzle;
My mind is a labyrinth;
My endless lies;
O’ this poem’s about me?
It’s a tragic accident;
I’ve gone too pale;
My blood dries up;
By the midnight rain;
My skin’s decaying;
I’ve gone too far;
Maybe this is my end;
I’ll take a bow.

I took my pocket knife
Hold it firmly
And scratched the surface of my skin
In front of Aurelia's naked eye

Her negative aura could be felt
Squimish and the room feels like hell
Her cold stare
Creeps me and makes me scare

In a split second, her hand holds my knife
She opens the blade and scratch her tigh
But I didn't see her bleed
I exhale in relief

“You could’ve bleed if you do that” I warned her
Again, I have to see the cold stare of her

"Why did you cut yourself?" She asked me
"Stress" I answered. Short straight and solid

“Don’t you cut yourself again!”
“If I don’t, what’s it for me then?”

She paused for 5 seconds

“I will cut my self too Peter”
“What?! How about your lover?!”
“Don’t care about him”
The way she said it, she is serious

I paused for a while
Thinking of her lover that gone wild

“You love me right?”
That question, really hits my mind
How did she finds out I carry the torch for her?
How did she knows my heart have her name written?
I panicked
And wishing God to get me killed

Then she continues her question
“As a friend”
My heart beats goes back to normal
And in a low voice I replied “yes”

By the time, I made a promise with an angel
The angel who saved me from the reaper
The angel who prevents me to be burnt in hell
The angel who prevents my family crying on my funeral
The angel that will do the same if I harm myself

I want to be skinny
I want to fit in
I want to have blue eyes
and clear perfect skin
I want to hear my voice
without regret
I want to share this love
with someone I'll probably forget

I want to feel the pain
I want to tear my skin
to bruise and bite every inch
I want to feel the numb
and stop the pain
I want to eat and smile
maybe just be a little
happy again