Do you ever wonder
who you’d be in another life?

Did you wake up today,
with him by your side?

Did he absentmindedly
take your hand, link your fingers
through his, kiss the back
of your palm, all before
fluttering his eyes open?

Today if you’re sad, will he
drive you to the bookstore,
following you around while
holding all the little worlds,
picking out a few he’d know
you’d love, slipping them in the pile
while you’re in another aisle,
just so you could find
a new surprise later?

To another me,
if you’re out there:

Are you happy, making sure
to take each and every moment
for granted, because you know
your mood could crumble
in a heartbeat?

Do you make sure to splash
in the puddles, love the feeling
of rain soaking into your boots,
clothes sticky and drenched?

Does it make you feel alive?

I hope you chase the sunshine,
texting your friends at two
in the morning, driving to
their house in a van, half-dressed
and without a single thought,
I hope your road trip is miraculous.

I don’t need to wonder
about who I’d be in another life.

I am confident.
I am a trail-blazer.

I am a leader.
I am powerful.
I am strong.

My wardrobe is filled with perfect suits,
dainty and gorgeous, badass and black.

I wear white because I look like an angel.
I wear yellow because I stand out.
I wear blue because I am careful.
I wear red because I strike fear.

I could ruin you with a single glance.
I could love you harder
than you’ve ever been loved.

I will never be a second thought.
I am an avalanche.
If I want, I’ll become your world.

I am me.

The words danced from my mouth
Desperate to bring on the rain.
They fell to the ground and shattered.
Fragile though they were,
they fueled thunder and created storms.

I am afraid that you are falling in love with the expectations you have of me

While you ignore the toxic version of me
The loud, broken, desperate version of me

You don’t really see me, you see job offers
a few kids, a wedding ring, new homes, new cars  
While you ignore my deep scars

I am afraid you are falling in love with who you want me to be

While ignoring the real me, the trauma suffering, addict struggling, broken soul, who is afraid to love

You are ignoring the angry man who needs therapy but decides it’s better to feed his anger and throw his emotions at the end of liquor bottles

The man who your mother warned you would break your heart.
I am a victim of my pain, but you ignore that because you see something within. You want me to be that perfect man of your dreams, that you forget to face your nightmares

You hide my scars, feed me compliments while preaching to me about your biological timeline, lying and telling me everything will turn out fine if I find a job that makes a lot of money, bought a new car, a new home with a picket fence, change my accent, dress and act a certain way   
Please don’t try to save me
Save your imagination for thinking it can transform me to meet your expectations

I am me and I am to be loved like me

The earth feels small,
loosing size constantly as the sun lowers herself
the world is immersed in her ****** streams of warmth.
It is fading
the sky becomes stronger, rocks us in the darkness of minor stars
- so big, so far away.
They matter so little
It is far away, yet so big.
We think of it as little.

What do they think of us?
Stars are suns
But are they all the same?

Millions are sweeping around the universes
so big
So hot
Far away
Looking small

They are hiding their meaning
.. You have to find it

Do you want it?

The stars are suns
So small
But they are big
If we let them be
If we explore their truth

Do we mind the darkness around them?
Do you see it?

Our eyes are meant to find light
We focus
Nobody minds

Nobody wants to find darkness
We are all looking for another sun
Lost in the cloak of darkness we want to escape from

Shooting stars.

Her: Hey how are you
Me: I am still a fool
Her: Why
Me: Because I am still willing to fall for you
Her: I just called to check up on you
Her: Heard you been facing a tough time
Me: Yes I have been facing a tough time
Me: I have been feeling empty inside
Me: I been feeling like a hole has been ripped in my heart
Me: Even though my heart beats,
Me: It still beats to the soundtrack of your voice
Her: I am confused
Her: I gave you my heart and you decided to break it
Her: Now you crying and facing regret
Her: I gave you my all, and you gave me just enough of you
Her: Enough to keep me interested
Her: While loving me from a distance
Her: As you fought the resistance, you never gave us a chance
Her: You ignored love when it came knocking
Me: I know, I was wrong for thinking you would stay forever
Me: I took you for granted, I took what we had and destroyed it
Me: You calling me shows me that we still stand a chance
Her: Some chapters are better left closed
Her: I am just keeping my promise
Her: I told you I would be there for you
Her: Even if it meant loving you from a distance
Her: I see the good in you
Her: But I can't be with you if you don't see it too
Me: I see what you mean, I still have a lot to learn
Me: I tried to find you in the last person who claimed to love me
Me: But failed to realize that a love that you gave could never be duplicated, a love full of compassion, desire, a love so deep the soul can feel it. Now I get it, I was numb at the moment because I was afraid to feel loved, afraid to lose myself in you, afraid to face my darkest fears
Me: I was afraid to let you hold my insecurities, thinking it would destroy me.  So I never gave you all of me. Because I thought it was impossible to love me
Her: Impossible is a word cowards use to ignore life's greatest opportunities. I believed in you and saw all that you could be
Her: I saw past your insecurities, I just hoped you saw me for me and stopped running away from me
Her: Your fear introduced countless hours of tears to me
Her: You left me outside your heart as I knocked for you to let me in
Her: Now that I healed from the pain and hurt you caused me, you want me to open up those old scars, those old memories
Me: I am sorry, that I hurt you so badly. I hurt myself too along the way for being ignorant of your love
Me: Your words were the closure I was looking for
Me: The piece to my peace I was missing
Me: I now undersatnd what it means to have had and lost
Her: I am sorry too... I wish you luck as you search for the real you
Her: When you find him please tell him next time to love instead of run, tell him its ok to feel too. Tell him true love comes to those who seek it with all of their heart and soul. Tell him its ok to fall
Me: Thank you for everything
Me: I now understand
Her: You are welcome, I will be here until the end

a memory wrapped its cold, rough hands
around my throat, squeezing it tightly.
as I tried to walk away, the memory
stuck its foot out, blocking my path.
I could only muster a pitiful squeak
as I fell face first onto the ground,
and the memory fell on top of me,
effectively holding my body hostage.
its hands were still on my throat,
but it was invisible to everyone else.
they only saw me fall to the ground.
they asked me what was wrong,
but I did not have air that could
breathe life into the powerful words
that were begging to leave my mind.
a sheet of paper suddenly appeared
underneath my right palm,
and a pencil rolled my way.
I gripped the sturdy pencil with
every ounce of strength I still had,
steadying the paper with my wrist,
and I wrote the words I couldn't say
so they would stop begging to leave,
even as the memory gripped my throat.
as I kept writing, I noticed the memory
stopped feeling as heavy on my body.
it was getting ****** into the paper.
it resisted at first, but after a while,
the memory slowly let go of me
and relaxed into the pencil marks.
when I had no more words left,
I picked myself up off the ground,
placed the pencil above my ear,
took the paper, hugged it to my chest,
and walked away with a smile on my face.