tw: body horror

my knees weep, their purple hue give way to spilt prayers
and they taint, and corrode, and they don’t stop
among all that is good and all that is pure

my hands dig through black ash, dried earth, cracked stone, only then, decomposition, am i certain,
i know what the maggots know, and nothing else.

my head unravels. question after question. the left eye reads scriptures, tears through testaments, books, and golden halos. but the right eye sees burning light, then just darkness, then nothingness, then the emptiness of all that nothingness

my chest is a flower, sores and bandages pulled into the shape of petals. this is the birth of something new and the death of billions

shards of stained-glass crawl to me. in all their light and glory.
when they find their way inside, i will give them flesh.

deep into the earth, i pray. but all i find is a body, my body, a cruel replica.

i pull the glass from my wounds and pierce its eyes. I pull it out. It seems sharper and larger, the more it touches flesh. so I use it again. written in to every corner, my findings, the days that have passed, my hopes, my doubts.

this god knows suffering. if not one body, will another be enough? i have prepared my sacrifice.

i close my eye.

light seems to pull itself, from under the ground. even i can see it peek through my fading consciousness. but as it comes to darkness, all that i hear, is a whisper of my name.

Cold rain falls
Patters on my head
I look to the sky
My eyes turn red
Flickering pupils
Dilated so wide
I tear off my shirt
Embracing skies tide
I open my mouth
To catch some raindrops
Tasteless liquids
Nothing makes the pain stop
Collected water boils inside
My mouth once dry
It's now a simmering ***
The demons inside me
Make everything hot

Deep inhalation of fresh air
I understand why I'm here now
I'm no longer scared
Steam streams out of my body
My hands are on fire, my lips tingle
I look to my left, a lamppost glows
I turn to my right I see people mingle
Outside a late night cafe, their life simple
A bus stop ahead with two people there
A man and woman, he touches her hair

I place the palm of my hand on the lampost
Just to lean and wonder how I'm here
The shade bursts and sparks fly
The woman at the bus stop screams
"Nooo I don't want to dieeee"
As the fluorescent lights fizzle and pop
The man she's with falls to his knees
Grasps his head "no please make it stop"
The small group of people freeze
Outside the cafe they violently fit
I don't know what's happening
I assume it is me doing this
I try to let go of the lamppost beside me
Pulling my arm with the other hand

I finally break free
I too now fall to my knees
Getting up is hard
My joints creek
With mechanical movements
I go over to see
The couple at the bus stop
The girl lays on the floor now
I shake her but she is surely dead
Her eyeballs have melted to red goo
The man still firmly grasping his head
Looking at him I don't know what to do
He chants repeatedly in words unheard

The people outside the restaurant
They're all still fitting
People are with them now from inside
I step backwards in to the bus shelter
Fear surges through me again
My conscious spirals a helter-skelter
Trying to hide from the people outside
Hearing sirens now my eyes dilated wide
I'm clueless as to what has happened
Panicking I run past the lamppost
Glancing at it as I pass
A dark black hand print is melted in

One hari, and his Reyna
Riding the chariot of
The otherworldly;



©Brandon Nagley
©Lonesome poet's poetry
©Earl Jane Nagley dedicated ( Filipino rose)