Shuffled like bureaucratic paperwork
From desk to desk
Status "UKNOWN"

Second hand clothes
Second hand love
Second hand child

Words like knives
Razor sharp
Cut to the bone

Dreams of mother
And father
Lost

Cry to sleep
Every night
Years on end

Washing own clothes
Age of 6
Ran away

Signs of affection
Bruises and welts
Didn't want the scars to go away

No voice raised
To defend
Only child

Every year
New school
New kid, no friends

Every year
Sent away
Status "UKNOWN"

Pain endured
Pain hidden
Pain denied

Broken trusts
Broken heart
Broken child

No T-ball
No boy scouts
No father

Lost chances
Lost dreams
Lost hope

Labeled
"The bad child"
Angry child


No one to tell
No one to trust
No one to love

Now a young man
Who could not feel
Loved

Women knocked
On locked door
That I would not open

Who could love
Such a worthless person
So ugly, stupid and weak

Pain of loneliness
Was a darkness
That brought hatred of the light

Cigarettes, ***** and drugs
Helped to hide the pain
But not the suffering

Emotions turned off
Like the flick of a switch
Feeling nothing anymore

Ran hard and fast
On the razor's edge
Of life

Angry at the world
Justice is just a word
To lie about the truth

Fought the demons
Like boxing fog
Never landing a blow

Took many years
To break the chains
To find the light

Sometimes the pain
Burns deep
Tempered steel

Gave up the blame
And the hate
Too heavy to carry

I see the destination now
Though the path is hidden
Status, no longer unknown

They said
"You'll like it there"
"You'll make new friends"
"It's better this way"
Or they said nothing at all
Put me on a plane
Or drove me over
And all I knew
I was living somewhere else
With someone else
New school
No friends
Again
And I
Never really knew why
That kept repeating
People left
Said it was for the best
That I would be happier
But I never was
A child's trust
Crushed beneath heels of selfishness
They never knew
Never cared?
What was best
For me
Just a burden
To pass along
And I
I never really knew why

Stress
Is like a million mad-mans running at you with guns

Anxiety
Is like standing in front of a crowd having to say a speech but nothing will come out and everyone looks at you in frustration. They're waiting and all you can do is shake.

Depression
Is sitting a room of happy people who are laughing, you're laughing too but you feel numb. Like your laugh is really a scream for help as you are stuck in a well slowly drowning.

Insecurity
Is wanting to become invisible

Neglection
Is wanting to be seen

Strength
Is what you have if you can smile convincingly even with one or more of these situations

I watch you from day to day

And in my mind i visit the grave where my love for you has decayed

Shattered my brain and pierced my soul...

Nothing of me did you leave whole.....


Now you have a taste of life...

As you become someone else his wife..


As the rain just comes and flows..

So do you all your lovers come and go...

All i asked was just once chance...

But i got nothing but a glance...


I don't know where i have failed...

But watching you cry feels like razorhail..

My mind hates you but my heart does not...

But i'm sure you already forgot

That i still care...

Let me share... in your grief

Give me a chance to make you believe...


But in me you saw no gain...

And you drowned me into your pain...

Your tears so crystal and frail...

Slide over my skin like razorhail...

All the tears i did not fake...

All these years, in my chest an ache...


now the pictures are all i have left...
And my tears flow

For these pictures will be all i will know...

Once again i have failed...

Jump out the window..

your dying skin so cold and pale....

over my head falls.....







the razorhail