Watch stars burn out and fade...
Books corrode and gather dust...
Man made works of metal crumble and succumb to the sleep of rust.
Tomb stones uprooted and covered with moss.

Watch how even the strongest stone turns to sand....

And all it takes.....


Is time........................................

Entropy

the end of everything there is.  

The looming shadow that throws its gaze over the horizon and ushers in the final midnight of reality.

And despite knowing all this  we continue to deceive ourselves..

Filling up a bottomless cup with ambitions, dreams, friends, family, lovers, children and what have you.....

Eventually you end up burning ambition, shattering dreams, losing friends, breaking with family, hating lovers and burying your children or have them bury you....

Entropy

The final herald and bringer of the lasting silence...

when we all return to the emptiness of space and all we have know will be nothing but a loathing sigh in a vast blackness floating between cold dead stone and dust.


There used to be life on Mars, but now we only find dust... are they perhaps our predecessors? Will we end up the same?

We may never know...
what each and everyone of us knows is that the end is coming. And nothing will slow it, hinder it or stop it from closing its decaying grasp around your throat and squeeze your life out of you.

Best just waiting for the sun to finally implode and ****** us all.

And everything we did was just for nothing.

For eons untold I have watched you rise and fall. Build empires and break them. Cure diseases and be ailed by them. I have watched you commune in many religious ways… watched you slaughter for your faith. Now that the darkness has dawned, finally I have come, soaring towards you.

As the farmer brings his harvest home, the librarian pores over long forgotten a tome, whilst the piper flutes a final tone. Echoes from my insides a most peculiar and maddening drone.
Too long soils you have stained with blood, bygone your time of breeding. Your cancerous race, your viral existence… Put out of its misery soon enough.

I soar, adorned in shrouds of doom and gloom, my wings blowing frigid winds and blotting out the moon. Unseen horror, hidden in the darkest nooks of your feeble minds. The stalking predator that lurks near the sheep pen. Crypt born from the graven mounds of a long stained and rotten memory. Ancient pillars carved for me, worshiping us.

No atonement can there be for the existence of human sin. Only to rend and tear your fleshy vessels. In a nuclear chaos confounded to the self-made oblivion, the blindfold to not see, the unutterable horror that is me…

Flee…


If it makes you feel safe and sanctified. You will feel my leering gaze and gaping maw wherever you may hide. Sleep will creep upon you somehow.

Like in times of old, there are some stories they left untold. To prevent further damnation and total extinction, the worship of the gods of all creation. Floating in a sea most nebulous, blackened and foul, adrift outside of the play garden of time and space, there live things without a face.

The piping of mad flutes a harbinger of my coming, a blazing star to wipe the slate clean. Not even a faint echo will remain.
Go out while you can… Walk hand in hand into extinction as brothers and sister, opting out of a raw deal. The last midnight for the human race…

A cancerous vile growth that only thrives for our amusement…

There is a hole in my world.. A pierced, gazing woods that drips rot... I see no hope... but dead and bleeding in my arms...
I see Truth bludgeoned to death at my feet by Betrayal.
I see reality slowly tearing the flesh from her face... and glare at me in shrieking horror as i stand to lose everything that made me to the person i am today.
I stand alone... amidst a fog bank... racing the same circle, losing my anchor, flying unguided.  My Sadness comfort me... but she heals like a poison. The only cure to heal a pain is an even greater pain.. so I let Depression tear away at me. Emotion lies sickly in bed.. she grasps my hands firmly, begging me to stay but i lack the fortitude to do so whilst staring at faded photographs of all the love I lost and squandered unto people who did not deserve it.
A lake stretches before me to me it feels like an untamed ocean.. Once gentle streams flowed here.. now only coursing waves and sludge remain...
I feel drowned. I feel alone. I feel... unloved....
Cold...
Emotionally torn to shreds......
again....

I keep picking up pieces of me.. my Truth, my Love, my Hope... only to watch them die again... While i play my sadistic game further one..
This aching need to find a person who can still the itch inside me.

I feel like an abandoned child desperately searching for his parents in a long dead world.. where only a skeleton remains of what once was..
They say love doesn’t **** you...
But it sure feels a lot worse than it sounds...

I wonder how long i can keep this up...
Can i watch everything rise and fall again like a castle of sand?

Will there be enough to rebuild again?

At this moment in time...

All I can do....

Is cry myself to sleep....

And sinking further away into a silent ocean that suffocates my feelings
So that i hurt the most..

Love sickness does not **** you....

But it sure feels a lot worse than it sounds...

I found it hard to believe that it is pointless to love anyone but yourself. It makes no sense anymore. You don’t tie an anchor to your feet whilst swimming correct? You would drown... which pretty much sums up the journey of a relationship. Sailing on misty oceans, at any given time, a gigantic shark might lunge from beneath the dark surface and tear your boat to shreds. But this is not just any shark.. this thing likes to toy with food.
You see it does not tear you apart in seconds. It tears down anything you liked and loved only to smash itself into your chest and bite a hole where once your heart was. Sound like one ******* of a shark right? He has many names: envy, vanity, selfishness, fornication,..... we all know that hidden aquatic predator. We have all met it. And we will meet it again. For despite all our bumpy rides in negotiating with one another, because a relationship is a negotiation where one constantly uses veto against the other until one or both sides finally give up, we just pick ourselves up and move on again. Because it is forbidden to feel bad, it is forbidden to feel sad in this feel-good society where everyone gets a pat on the back and brushes it off. Yet sorrow is one of the purest feelings you can ever feel. It is a cathartic marriage of self consciousness and fear, making you feel vulnerable. The only moments when you really desire to be loved.. Just like the first days of a new relationship. That fear that has burned you for so long is finally cooled in soothing waves of joy and relief.. your fear subsides and makes room for this fantastic feeling that the world is your doormat.. but a gift once given will always be taken back..
Love seems pointless to me at this point... it has devolved into an accessory, like a bracelet or necklace if you will. And we are the vain creature that has more bracelets than genuine compassion. When it grows tired of the bracelet it simply tosses it away or hangs it in the rack to be forgotten and is replaced with something else. Nothing is ever good enough.
That is why mankind can only love itself.. you can never argue with yourself, you always please yourself, you always do what you really like to do... why bother ruining it with someone else? Nobody really cares for your hand me down feelings. Everything you have to give is used up by yourself first.. your grief, your joy, your laughter.... your anger.....
Nobody wants second hand gifts for his or her birthday.. we deserve only the best of the best for are we not the best? We all want that white horse *******... We want to believe that out there someone wanders this planet who can fill in for us.. but there is no such thing.. A relationship is making due with a person for who or what they are..

It used to be easier.. at some point in time a relationship was critical for survival because your vanity and prolonged suffering, also called existence, depended on the skills of the one you lived with, the perverse pleasures are just a nice bonus to make you feel good. A relationship was a vital tool for your survival which is why it was more robust... it was still just bargaining but the people made due with each other despite their quirks and flaws..

These days... everyone expects perfection chipped out of pure gold. Because no matter how far you would degrade yourself to please the other.. you are still a bracelet... ready to be tossed away at the most random of times. A lone sailor slowly drifting above a dark, unexplored abyss... who knows when some huge sea monster will just pounce you and your little hovel into the cold darkness below?

To my sadness love seems overrated.... love is mistaken for self worship... we feel like a god.. we can scorn our followers when we feel like it because what was offered were just second hand baubles.

I find love for another human to have lost the value it once had... a creature these days is only capable of loving itself.

And when it comes to love.. I have yet to find my equal...

I will remain unchallenged........
And it starts to tear at every fiber of my being....


Keep giving for sole purpose of being given......
Just no second hand feelings thank you very much.

My mind wanders upon paths untreaden for untold times. Man has forgotten its memories here, long forsaken  are the ruins of this place. Silently draped in slumber between the mountains and the glaciers lay the sanctum.

And it was within its waters, upon seeing my own reflection that a void inside had filled itself to the brim with an agonizing terror that crept into the deepest part of my creature. And i cast eyes upon the monster i had thought to have become. A dreary dark casts down its cloak on the sky and the midnight orb spreads a sickening and slowly dying glow upon my skin. The faintest smell of cinder has drawn me near to the forsaken wastes.. a search for salvation, a cure for my illness, my bane.. I had sought mine own undoing. For is it not that paradise awaits in bittersweet death? An escape from anguished life with its toils, its charades and strife. Where better to strike the hand to oneself than in the cold embrace of mother earth.

Death is life in reverse. All man has accumulated and aspired to be, slowly vapours into nothing because everything started with nothing. Now walk we shall in a place where man walks beneath earth and earth rests upon him. It is here with trees i did connect and further lost sense of the human being. An uncontainable darkness of the most peculiar and ardent nature didst sink her claws deep beneath my soul, ravenously tearing away layer after layer of my wellbeing.

Hope burned down with furious immolation, upon this altar i submit to my own desecration. The flaying of my essence, bloodletting of the shell that once was mine.

I drink now my own blood, tasting sweet like the redest of wine.
Vampire i have become... the unkindling of mankind hath begun...
‘That is not dead which can eternally lie.. and with strange aeons even death may die.’

When you are in space without oxygen.. you will suffocate.
A black void will strangle all your life out of you...
And your eyes will gaze right into the abyss.

A lonely drifting rock, floating in a place where time loses all meaning and hope is nothing but floating dust.

A vortex tears through this bored reality.

A bleeding **** oozes out blackness, the flicker of a blinking eye, ******* me in.

Emotions implode, a rush of rage, fists land where they were not supossed to land.

Meteor impacts on your skull...

Hope splattered on the walls washed away with the tears of grief and regret. Remorse.

But then all gone, all absorbed into the gaping maw inside me.

Complete withdrawal from life... a retreat to hibernate.

That is how our love feels... this is how you feel.

When i am  sleeping you will push a pillow on my face.

You feel like breathing

So easy, i do not even notice you are there anymore yet i need you to live.

You are like breathing

With a plastic bag strapped over my head.

And i am all out of breath......

My eyes gaze backwards into the void...

A floating dying planet, dusted by particles of hope..

Why won't you let me **** you?

How much force does it take to squeeze the life out of you?
Why do you persist such agonies and endure your strife being beat down into the mud? A vortex of emotions running rampant, but in the blink of an eye, consumed and swallowed whole. Now there is an empty and sick acre. And though the leaves are green on the other side of the fence, i sit here bound to you.

Time has become a mind numbing drug that i hav egrown impervious to over the years. I no longer have the dirt left to bury you. The only  hope for me was to **** you but here you persist. Neither narcotics nor psychoanalysis got rid of you. I could not fit you in any container.

Unrelenting, savage, corrupted, mauling and swiping at me. Sleep was a temporary escape but you found a way into that world as well.

It seems i will forever carry you on my shoulders. My burden to bear, my medal of shame, a trophy of my failings, a banner proudly flying in the rainy nights.

So why can't i **** you?

Is it because you are a memory?