I kept on fighting
For my limbs
For my arms
And my heart
I kept on fighting
Because i need them
Just not to function
But to live fully
I keep on fighting
I see them lurking around
The walls
The streets
Even under your cousin's pillow
And under our bed
I am afraid
I admit
I am afraid
Of losing
I am afraid that you might see me
Not needed anymore
If you decide
To feed me to the wolves
Following us around
With their teeth bare
And those gazing eyes
One day you told me
That my grip is too binding
And you want to be free
I had no choice
But to give you
All the freedom of the earth
And suddenly one day
You came rushing to me
Cursing
Cursing
And cursing
And went away
And one day
My limbs
My arms
And my heart
Were no longer there
Hallucinations of nostalgia
I was fed to the wolves
And you went away with them
At such an ungodly hour
I prayed that the universe would save me
For i am left bare with my soul

-Malaya Sanchez

I wish to be a bird and touch the heavens
I wish to turn into dust and kiss the stars
I wish the be a tree breathe by the earth
And be part of it once my leaves fall off
I wish to be the sun beaming across the sky
I wish to become the moon lulling you to sleep
I wish to become the ocean touching the land
With every touch to give you life
I wish to be wind that hums to your ears
I wish to be the rain that meets your skin
I wish to end all sadness
I wish to end all pain
I wish i would sleep forever
And swim in a world of insignificance
And nothingness

A rainy afternoon
Amnesiac was playing
Wishing I would be one when I go back
And I’ve drown myself
In Bukowski’s soul
Just the way I needed it
So I won’t have to
Depend on the sleeping tonic
Lying around the room
Everything was becoming peaceful
Swimming in tabula rasa that give me hope
Arms becoming numb
Eyes starting to shut
Just the way I want to
Then someone from the gates of hell
Decided to pull me out of it
“Malaya! Malaya! Are you going out?”
The most nonsense question
To my utmost annoyance i almost flipped everything
But composed myself
And replied “no!!!”
**** this ****
Solitude is my bestfriend
But he was not here
When I needed him most

-Malaya Sanchez

I saw a child roaming around forest
With her long black flowing hair
Dressed in white tunic
Then she reached a cemetery
Which was made of stained glass
With dug holes but no bodies
And then I just saw her there
Walking around
I knew it wasn’t me
But somebody else
Then i woke up
I was a man who was labelled crazy
And had to see this shrink
Who was sitting on her desk in the same forest
I convinced her to give me some colored pens
Because the stained glass was too beautiful to ignore
And it surrounded the pale child in a white tunic
But she told me that can’t be
Instead she gave me a piece of “chocolate”
Which turned out into a pen
And then i woke up

-Malaya Sanchez

I watched how she walks through the pavement
With her chin up and shoulders straight
I watched her dainty hair being blown by the wind
And how she sit and light her smoke
I watched how she see through the horizon
I watched how she cringes by the wind
I watched how she walks
And enter a house with a cat that doesn’t talk
I watched how she makes dinner
I watched how she stares at it
I watched how she flicks through tv channels
With no interest whatsoever
I watched her light another pack
I watched how she amuses herself with the dissolving smoke
I watched how she silently carresses the cat
And scratches his head, the cat likes that
I watched how she decides to go to bed
I watched how she looks into nothing
I watched how she cries more
And love less
Think more
And sleep less
Wallow more
And eat less
Die more
And live less
I just watched her
And couldn’t save her
Then I realized
I was her

-Malaya Sanchez

It has been quite difficult to look at those eyes
Demented with indifference
Laced with contempt
Days and nights
Of silence
Aching muscles
Bruised arms
And swollen eyes
**** me inside slowly
Day by day
Hoping death is a little bit better
How to keep a struggling smile
How to keep a facade of a phantom happiness
And easily tear up
At the slightest touch
And look at those pitied eyes around
Which i never want to see
And to reply to questions
Which I’m so tired to answer

-Malaya Sanchez