So I guess you going to improve
Yourself....

Leave me here all alone

With no one to talk to


I guess with no hesitation no incineration.... how I feel at the moment......  I am in so much pain......

I do not know the name of a pain killer decrease this pain....


So I have no other choice just to stay here and drink my sorrows away.....


I am starting to think this is starting to become my past time.....


I can hear the bottle calling me from a drunken state.....


It's said take another sip you know you need it won't hurt anybody.....


I reach for the bottle pour the the liquid in my cup.
I saw a reflection what I am becoming
In the liquid...... of darkness .......

Because  I Feel Like These walls closing in on me and crushing Me slowly.....



I tried to run to the exit to get to safety


But it was a dead end

I had no other choice just sit there and wait for the end........


But the end never came.....



My reality is starting to bend.....



The choices I have made in this life starting to haunt me in my dreams ....

Below these selfish actions . ....

I have committed.....

I did not commit treason .....

I committed several crimes


To the people around me.....



In my lifetime



Drowning in self pity


Wondering if it will ever end......


In this tunnel of misery.....


Sadness is all I see.....


All problems and issues inside my head


The blood I bleed is flowing through me like a fish in the sea

So I think I'm going to take another drink....

Because that's what the doctor ordered.....

Because the doctor always knows what's best.....

He said Being sober is not an option....


So I continue to drink.... in till I feel numb......


So I cut my self to see if I still feel anymore

And the blood drips like candle wax on the bathroom tiles .....

So I dwell on my past and can't look towards the brighter future of tomorrow

Because the sun does not shine here

Because the ground I walk on is broken and cracked and irreplaceable

I had a doctors appointment I told him I was quite not feeling right and I felt so wrong so he said my recommendation is go see giggles the clown in the circus he was in town he will cheer you right up but what he don't know is I am the clown is me and quite depressed and had a frown

Because I ran out of jokes to tell

All I can tell now is sad jokes because I'm a broken man ......

All dressed in all black....

Which is not even fun....

So till this day I prepare the noose to end it all and call it a day to forget everything....

So goodbye cruel world I will not miss you ....

you got your back against the wall son situation takes ***** but you find yourself looking at the man in the mirror it looks like he's falling apart....

You stare at yourself with disgust....

Because you are starting to come the monster you say you would never become

You can't defy the things you have done to people you love....

You pushed them away and they pushed you back...

Now you can't go back to them now...



they gave you chance after chance but you denied it with no hesitation...

Now you have burned that bridge and you can't repair ashes..

now you are alone to walk a New path...
but you have questions to ask yourself....

the big question is are you really alone...

it's a woman in your life she says she loves you....
she said she will always have your back...

but you don't know who to trust...

if you leave yourself vulnerable
will she leave you in the sand to die

will she keep her promise...

some promises are meant to be broken....

but you love her too you told yourself you will never love again

you have  lie to yourself again....

now you have a new choice to ask God but he is silent just like usual...

you wonder why he doesn't answer

now you start second-guessing yourself should you try the patch things up with God maybe he might answer.....

that leaves you with two options....


Walk through the tunnel of darkness
Or walk to the light
You don't have to make the choice alone


💞So I will listen to my heart ❤️...

If you break my heart I will die dear beloved..

My dear friend

I know how you feel

Life has so many twists and turns leading you
In the wrong direction

but you have to keep strong don't give in to your demons they will **** you

I'm so broke


All the cuts and bruises on my arm could tell a story
But that is the path I have chosen to walk


Sitting here in this dark room waiting for the end

It is so complex I know
But I cannot fall



but I must live another sunrise for you my dear beloved friend


but some days it is hard to breathe

like a dying man who's so far away
trying to fight for every last breath


those days are the worst

some nights I find myself talking to The Man in the mirror

clearly it looks like he's falling apart

I tried to help him pick up the pieces he keeps pushing me away

now I don't speak to him no more


that's another friend I have lost

who do I talk to now....

now I fine my self outside this November night to Greek the Man in the Moon

he is silent just like usual

looking down at me with disgust

but I cannot judge you because you are alone just like I am

I would like to wish you a good night my dear old friend....

please make sure it's true and you say you love somebody

because it is a sin to tell a lie


I love you yes I do...

I would like to give you something  money cannot buy
is not my soul...

I gave that up long ago a chance for happiness or chance ReNew Life
a foolish idea
but I walked down this path before
am I sell back here again....







without twisting turns leading you into a dead end to your own demise



but I'm done looking at the past
I want to see the future

for me and you my dear beloved...

I would like to give you my heart

I know it's worthless....

only thing I can offer you is my love

it kills me to see you in this place
only thing I can do is stand here all alone without you by my side
my dear Jessley...

if you break my heart I will die...

For B,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I cannot bare to speak to you.
I'm sorry if I hurt you.
But most of all,
I'm sorry you couldn't love me.

And if what you quoted to me was truth,
I miss you too.
And what you thought was correct,
I am trying desperately hard to forget you.
It's just not that easy.

I wonder if you still think of me.
If you still check up on me
As I do you, more often than I'd care to admit.

But darling if you ever read this,
I want you to know
That I did love you.
And despite everything I still do.
I'd give anything to erase these past few months
And go back to how things were
When I could hear your name without wanting to **** myself.

I miss you,
Love,
              L