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my heart used to flutter
when you texted me
I would gush at every compliment
but then
I was impatient to be called yours
you cut our situationship off
and decided we should be just friends
it broke my heart
as tears streamed down my face
but soon enough
I accepted it as that
but then
you became distant
and stopped replying to me
you left me on read/seen
it made my heart heavy
and stomach churn
I stopped begging for
your attention
and affection
now I no longer care
I do not feel anything for you
my heart is steady
I don't look forward to
your texts
I barely think of you
I am done
done with this mess
I will wipe my hands of
this situation
and leave it in the past
I just stopped caring when my effort isn't returned
I hate this feeling
your feelings are fading
aren't they?
I can tell
or maybe I'm overthinking
I can't tell
but to ask you
you might lie
to save my feelings
you went from giving me
your time of day
and conversation flowed
like a river
now I initiate everything
and you seem distant
I hate this feeling
the not knowing
the feeling I ruined everything
I could ask you
how you feel
but would it change anything?
maybe it would confirm
my worst fears
that you lost feelings
due to my insecurities
pressuring you to make
a decision
I hate this feeling
your feelings are fading
aren't they?
I can tell
Helen Carter Jun 2018
As i walked this path home to the once happy place,
Now beaten up and destroyed by the memories that haunt me.
I start to feel the tears run down my cheek.
In an instant I hold my breath and count to thirty.
This is who i have been for many years now,
And i won’t be changing soon.

As i come back into my senses,
I noticed my weary beaten down house,
That once saved me from the monsters that were outside.
I noticed the small things,
The cracked paint,
Broken windows.
Spray paint sprayed all about.  

I grew exhausted from all the memories,
And the agonizing pain it brought me.
I found solitude in my steps away from that putrid house.
I loathed the feeling it brought me.
That vacant memory of that feeling came rushing back.
I began to stumble at the thought of it.
My world came crashing down in that house.
It's starting to be hard to breathe,
As my anxious body aches at the thought of ever being there once more.

— The End —