Hey girl

I know you don't care anymore
but
I'm still thinking of you
(and will be for a long time to come)

I'm sorry about that.

It's...hard
I guess it gets easier every day
or at least
it used to be like that

I don't know why you're still in my head.

I hope you're well
I wish I could hear your voice
at least once
I miss you so much

Again, sorry about that too.

Love you poupee

I guess there really is only
one way
to get over someone.

Or

Is it that there's only one way that you know of?

You take a little piece, you give a little piece, right?

So

Maybe it's not really a matter of
getting over it
but rather a matter of
deciding how big that little piece is going to be?

Is it more important that each piece fit?

Or is it more important that each piece be worth something?

There's nothing but just one day left.
By then I have to be over him.
I know that it makes no sense,
But nothing ever makes sense.
Maybe what I'm really longing for is someone who will do that.
Someone to make sense with,
Other than my best friend.
How do you get over someone in one day,
When you've had a senseless crush on them for a year?
There's not much attracting me to them,
There's just thoughts of my imagination and he's there to fill the place.
I can't keep doing this,
But I just can't stop.
Something not even a slap around the face could solve.
I may as well dive into ice cold water,
Knowing I have no towel.
That's what it's like falling for him.
However I managed to get myself into such a state,
That it's not even him I like anymore.
And I tried so hard to prevent this,
Yet I'm sure it's still happened.
I have one more day to convince myself it's not worth it.
That I already know.
I just can't control my thoughts,
And lately it's been making me feel so crazy on top of everything else.
I'm not sure what to do now,
But breathe,
Just breathe and hope for something.
So many things going on in my head.
Just forget these feelings.
What was never here needs to leave my mind.
I feel so stupid and I feel mental.
Is there anybody who knows the answer?
I've been searching and I can't find it anywhere.

I will resent you
for the rest of my days,
even if they somehow
find a way to
intertwine with yours again.

I hate you for saving me.
For showing me how
heroic I could be
if I put my mind to it.
For teaching me to
let people in
and making me see
all the love I have to give them.

I'll always hate you for that.

It makes me sick
that I was sick before
and now that I've
regained my health,
I've spread the spores
to everyone else &
now they are infected.


For the record


you did not reject me,
I quarantined myself,

you're so very welcome.


I will resent you
for the rest of my days
for promising me the world
then leaving me to cope alone
with loss and
the paradox of better words.

She spent all her time
Knitting with crimson wool
Because there was nothing more tragically
beautiful
Than unfurling grief
Into woven harmony.

Should be using this pilfered and minimal wifi
and, man, it seems that time does fly...
while I'm procrasti-time-wasting reading bad (well, most of it) poetry.
You see I'm used to feeling like I've missed the boat
and shown my hand and slit my own **** throat...
"It's his own fault."
How terrifying and amazing (faux)freedom is...
blood and water and choices.
Life is frosted and sort of sleeping
but not shivering
enduring.
It's too bad I identify with the grasshopper more than the ant.
I can't be bothered with preparation
because Right Now.
Right Now is full of hows and whys and whens
and so many that depend
upon shoulds and coulds and ifs
and I-need-to-make-a-lists.
It seems that I prefer the anxiety of what could be
to what is.
Control freak.
Sitting here, with my cold nose and sore bones
and more than my usual non-layer of clothes
with two very interesting up-past-their-bedtime individuals
there is no regret.
It is, and it isn't, over yet.
Supposing pity isn't the word choice,
how else would you say, "I feel for you,"
without that voice?
And even saying it is a choice I'd rather not make.
That's the thing about leaving the cage and toeing the line and finding the road...
there is no map.
You can either enjoy the journey
or feel like, "It's a trap."