A light flickers for five seconds.
A light goes dark.
A light shines for five seconds.
A light goes dark.
All is light, all is dark.
All is scene, all is lost.

In all the light, all I see is you.
In deepest dark, all I seek is you.
When the light blinds my eyes,
You’re what brings me sight.
When darkness steals my eyes,
You’re presence holds me tight.
Through sharpest light, and darkest night.

Ive been choking
On all the words I've had to eat.
Dining on each failed attempt at perfection
And still haven't gotten to the meat.
Will I just repeat, repeat?
Will I sit in the same seat and accept I'm
Meant to turn cheeks
Until the back hand that beats me decided to cease?

I haven't known true love
Unless love is walking out and burning bridges, the very bridges that can bring me back to town.
My growing understanding of life
leaves me with more questions than answers and my dearest wisdom, is to admit that I'm weak.
Idle peace talk cuts deep.
When I know it's not what you mean.
Bowing out gracefully.
But where was that grace for me?


Been Suffocating in my sleep
I'm drowning in my dreams
Let me think this was me
When I woke up your hands were choking me.


I can't make sense of the bitterness and spite of those who have taken my mistakes and used them as a way to use my back to rest their knives.
I lost my fire to a passing wind and left my ghost in the shell of my passion. If I should find it again, I must ask then:
What do I do with the remnants of broken glass when I've held on so long my hands have gone numb? I stared through at my clear path and couldn't see the blood dripping from my hands.
So while I sleep I'll let your love slip your vines around me. Take me to the garden,
Bound my hands and tie me to this great tree, this great tree that was once just a ****.
I fell so fast but you weren't the branch that saved me, but instead you broke my fall and set me free.

Suffocating in my sleep
I'm drowning my dreams.
Lost the strength to breathe.
Fingers crossed this is the death of me.


So where are we when all you speak is a prerecorded message stuck on repeat?
Once you wake from your dreams will you see that you've burned the very bridge beneath your feet? My heart longs for love but the love you hold is like that of a vase.
Once a flower begins to wither, you cut it out and have it replaced.
Here's a toast to the lives you'll save.
A toast to all the things you chase.
Here's a toast to image you embrace
And to the God you've grown to dismiss and show distaste.
Here's to the end of me.
Here's to your dreams.

I was seduced by emptiness and void because I was afraid to be whole.

If we find true love's soul in the next life
When it's time to unite.
I'll go untwined
I'll still be lonely

I've tried to talk to god but i think He stopped listening.
The same way I feel I tried to talk to my father but he already decided he was leaving.
So where do I go when my two fathers don't bother while I'm drowning in white water waiting for rescuing. Waiting for your hands to pick this boy up and say "son, I'm never leaving, never leaving again"
Father did you kiss me good night each night before you left to kiss your lover goodbye? Did you care if it was kind? Did you know the broken mess you'd leave behind?
My god is like my divorced father because I only talk to him on Sunday. After days of feeling ignored like a buey in the waves. My earliest memories of crawling into bed with you to keep warm and feel safe. Those memories are over two decades old and they still won't fade.
I remember my laughter every time I sat on your lap and you're tickle bug bit me till I thought my lungs would collapse, until I thought "this can last for ever" but that didn't happen.
You left a wife, a son, and a teenage daughter and left us all feeling like you'd never want us. Do you miss it at all?
Do you miss the snowball fights and cuddling your little boy to sleep at night?
My only memories of you and I are ones I tried to pull back because they make me wanna cry. Was the mistake your infidelity or was it me? Because you chose one and I believe it wasn't me. You were my king.
You left me to rule my life with this disease. A fear of abandonment and intimacy. And now how am I supposed to love? I can't see the forest through the trees, but maybe im blind so I can't see, anything. How could you do this to me?
Was my love, my smile, myself not enough? You had to take my heart too and break it along with all your old stuff.
I may never let go of my angry heart because even when I try to talk to God I wonder if His lover calls.
Will I ever be enough?
So when I say I can't love it's the fear you instilled in me. Like a needle shot into my arm to swim in my blood, I wish your love would swim in me. Definitely, intimately, swim with me. Infinitely.
Because I never learned to swim and I'm drowning saying Father save me. But night after night for twenty years slowly my childhood fears come to life.
Blood from our backs on the tip of your knife, dad why?
Why couldn't you turn around and lay back with your wife?

You're never coming home are you? No. You're never coming home.
You say you're just a stones throw
Well how do you know?
We don't know how far my tiny arms can throw,
What we know is I am prone to be alone
With mountains of sticks and stones
Laid on top of my broken bones.
And these words hurt me
"We are a broken home,"
And I'm just afraid to be alone.

We gave you our love
And you took it out of our home.
We gave you our hearts
And you away you drove.
I gave you my love.
You never got it in your head.
I gave you my heart
And you took it into her bed.

Dear dad, these demons, they're haunting me