You will never understand.
How deep You Cut me.
With Your Actions & False Promises.
I Gave Myself To You.
All my Time And Love.
I was faithful & honest.
I Tryed nothing but strive to treat you right. I gave up anything just to spend time by your side.
You will never understand
You Are My 1st love, You Are Forever Apart Of me.
You are permanently imprinted In my heart.
I will never spend that amount of time with anyone Els.
I will never give all my time To another like I Gave You.
I was always there when you needed me.
You just won’t ever understand no matter what I remind you of.
My feelings for you are strong.

When Tweaks In me
I see things differently.
I’m not myself, I’m nobody
When crystal reaches my blood stream , all I see are reasons to keep on using.
When I’m on this drug
The only things I see is negativity
Reasons to convince me to stay on one
When I’m lit
I think of things that hurt me.
I do a line but I don’t feel fine
I Grow rage of furry .
Which change me.
I have Hate that gives me new traits.
I turn ruthless
I can’t feel joy but I care less
What makes  being high Amazing
Is being able to face the ones who hurt me & not care or acknowledge how they affected me.
Forgetting there existence.
I'm Testing Sobriety.
I'm on A comedown  
& I'm Wondering.
If it's Really worth Stoping.
Is it Reality or drugs That's ******* With Me.
Which Is The Real Threat?
Living lfe or Avoiding it.
Dealing Or Numbing.
What gives me Better outcomes?
Either way I'm Slowly Dying.
From A broken heart or substance
It's Turned into A game.
I'm Eager for You to do me foul..
My Sobriety relies On You now.
Why Cry And hurt.
When I can Level up.
You Say Your working on changing.
You continue Doing Ghost ****.
I found My solution .
To Forgive You , Forget and feel happy.

How can you believe
I’m happy  on one.
I Can’t laugh. I have no humor
Nothing interests me
My surroundings
don’t Currently exist.
What makes me happy
won’t impress me.
What I like won’t interest me .
I wish it was as easy as you view
I wish I had that mind set,
The way you tell me to just quit.
I wish I could forget all about it
like you insist.
Walk away from from my troubles
Move on from the past
& live for better .
You don’t see anything that’s interfering from letting go.
It’s just drugs, stop wanting it.
Stop thinking about it
Act like it was Never existent .
So easy the words float through u
I wish it was like that for me too.
Sadly it’s not Baby ..
I’m so sorry i can’t make it simple
I'm Unhappy When I'm sober.
I'm Unhappy On Drugs
I Feel Down Either Way.
1. I Feel The Reality Of Misery.
The emotions & thoughts That Run Through me.
2. All problems Are gone, I feel none. But I'm Struggling To Stay On.
Both Are Unhealthy, 1 is more deadly. & death is ok With me.

I’m not A normal Women.
I have issues That affect Not just me but my life entirely.
When I met You
Addiction was my only problem
You created Everything Els that causes daily doubts and arguments
I Was Once comfortable
In My own body.
like Everyone Els,
There are Things
I wish To Change Or have.
My Weight Didn't Bother me.
I didn't care about My physical Appearence much.
I Was Once Able To Go
A Full Month Without worrying About my looks.
until I Met You.
Everything Changed For me.
You Told me So Much.
Certain Likes,
Preferences & Dislikes.
What Your Taste in Women Are.
Hearing everything, I was far off.
Now Being Beautiful
is important to me.
Having A Smooth face, Slim Body *** And ****** Is What I feel I need To be Accepted And Liked.
Many Opportunties will Open And I will attract Friends.
Looking Beautiful In This World is The key To a happy life in my Eyes
Every Pretty Person I've seen
Is Happy with them self.
they have their Life together and living so well,
You are privileged in this world If You are goregeous.
It makes me cry
Every time I reach out for it.
I don't feel pleased When I'm about to Consume it.
It makes me feel horrible knowing I'm only doing this to forget the pain you put me through.
To Erase The memories .
How I wish I never went through this. Everyday I'm wishing I looked beautiful .
Light skin, well dressed, *** & big ****** like
You happily explained your type
All I Want is To Feel Happiness.
Go A Full Day Without Worrying About Nothing Naturally.
I Don't know how to See The beauty Life provides.
To Feel The Breeze And Have The sun Shine on me.

How God Smilied bright
To see me sober from the sky
A beautiful 19.
I managed to stay clean all Year.
I broke the record .
14 15 16 17 18
Dear how that year my soul recovered.
I smiled so bright
Knowing everything from now on
Will shine .
A big relief.
I will never turn to tweak
I set free. Finally.
Thanks to my loving Companion
Who made sobriety possible.
My dog Mia.
For her I stood my ground
Held myself down
A dreamy 19 Drug free

If he wants to believe
My love was never there.
I must accept
That all my tears were never seen
If he wants to believe
I never cared
I must accept that all my effort
went to waste.
In a life.
We encounter many interests.
In which we put ourselves to experience
what seems so delighting.
In a life .
We are first witness & what
We thought turned out good was opposite
Our views changed
Either purposely or unnoticed.
In this world you won’t do things you Dont want to.
You will never enjoy something forceful.
To my point , my feelings hurt as I say this.
Now I realize ..
I have to accept it is part of reality
If the Man Im my world
, sees me as the problem
like his stress & headaches
Without me ever truly offending In any type of  way
I have to accept it.
If he’s starting to think of his own life without me.
I much accept it.
I was a doubt
he mingled me around
swerved different ways
played with me a bit.
like life
he liked, but wasn't that found of me

I Can Hear Her calling.
She Senses My unhappiness.
She can feel My Misery.
She Used To Come Right over. Now, She doesn't have the power.
What she does is try to convince me From a distance.
She tells me Amazing Things.
She Reminds me of the good times We had and how good it felt.
Her words are powerful.
The more I listen, closer she gets.
Although She's very lovable And The bestest Friend you can have .
She's extremely evil.
She Slowly Tricks me into Letting her get closer To me.
I Now have control over that.
Back then i didn't.
As Soon as she called, I followed.
I Worked so hard to Not Be Able To Say yes And Hold back from playing with her Now.
But lately....
She's been Coming around more frequently . She tells me Everything I want to hear and It's becoming harder for me to Not listen. She's very smart .
For That reason, I'm worried.
I feel So unsure.
Do I relapse Or do I let it go ?
I've been Clean for 2yrs.
I did it on my own. Thankfully.
She Asks me If I'm sober, Then why am I still unhappy?
she Tells Me What's The point of being Sober And yet still sad ?
She reminds Me of the Satisfying feelings She Provides.
She Tells me "Why be Unhappy and Sober. When You can be Unhappy but feel amazing"
I have been feeling So tempted Lately. These arguments With my Bf Are Making me want to give up. they are giving me strong temptations. I can feel My Mind Weaken ..