why do i find comfort in you?
you are a perfect stranger.
why is it that i find peace in your eyes
when in fact,
our eyes have never met.
how is it that i find assurance in your voice
but all you've sang about is her?
why do i call your arms 'home'?
by no means i've ever experienced home.

but i have eighteen,
one is that i've found more comfort in these clothes than in my own body because i can't stand my bones,
two is that my heart is so heavy with all the weight i've had to carry for all of us,
three is that my mouth is sewn shut when it comes to speaking my mind about you and her,
four is that all i hear from you are complaints,
five is that i only complain too,
six is that i feel so stuck here,
seven is that i have no money for cigarettes,
eight is my lack of motivation,
nine is my obsession with burning myself out until there's no wax left in this candle,
ten is this ******* loneliness,
eleven is a *** drive that makes me want to be abused,
twelve is this voice that belongs to me three years ago,
thirteen is the fact that i won't have skin left by the time i'm twenty nine because i keep carving ink into myself,
fourteen is my anxiety, i can't even stand up for myself,
fifteen is the lies i keep telling everyone when i say i know what i'm doing,
sixteen is when i pretend that my friends are real,
seventeen is that i don't think i'm going to graduate,
eighteen is that i really have more than eighteen problems and they all keep me awake at night and they keep from reading those books that have been unfinished on my shelf for months now.

you say i have a problem,
but i know that.
i don't need you to remind me,
not when i find a minute to forget about them.

She smelled of lilacs,
And summer rain,
Of freedom of youth,
Of love and pain.

He looked as if she,
Were the sun, the moon and stars,
As though the universe spun,
Only around her.

She danced as though life,
Could end at any moment,
And kissed as though,
He was the air entering her lungs.

But she was the air he breathed,
The blood flowing through his veins,
And her laughter was the rhythm,
That set his heart to beat.

Meanwhile under an
empty sky
emptier people are
passing me by.

I remain
unmoved in
the moving images.

She screamed
You fiend
All she could do was ask why
This is worse then it ever seemed
You will never be redeemed

He cried
I thought I shouldn't of lied
I want to fix this, I want us to try
How can you just push me aside
When yesterday you wanted to be my bride

This is a relation ship based on trust
Not lust
I thought you were my ally
What is there to discuss
With out me you will have to adjust

This isn't fair
I still care
This argument is just making it multiply
There is so much more of life to share
With out you I would be in despair

You should of thought of that before your mistake
You knew what was at stake
Time to say good by
This was more then I could take
For my heart to break

Fine I will leave our home
When I all I want to do is atone
I want to do is die
Think about that when you are with another guy
This is a love I will never disown
Even if I am with some one els, my heart will always be alone