Staring at the mirror
Hoping each time to see
Someone who different than me
But the mirror never lied
So then I cried
And had to learn
To accept the bitter truth

Staring at the mirror
I learned to accept
The way I truly look
It gave me a weird comfort
Even though I wasn't feeling anything
I didn't feel pretty
I didn't feel ugly
I was just...
There.
Existing.

Staring at the mirror
I still don't feel anything
Even years later
The mirror is silent
I hear nothing
I feel nothing
I just see
Me.
I accepted it
That doesn't mean
I learned to like who I see

I called
The phone rang
And rang
And rang
No answer

I texted
Typed out everything I couldn’t say aloud
I waited
The screen stayed empty

I wanted to live, god
At least for someone to talk me down
But I guess the line was busy
Or maybe
I wasn’t loud enough to matter

So I did it
Not because I wanted to die
But because no one came when I begged to stay

And if I don’t wake up tomorrow
Tell them
The hotline didn’t pick up

I always like to sleep
Because otherwise
I’m tired
And feel so deep
All day
All night

But with you
I’d stay up all night
Until we see the light
Of the sun rising
And it’s surprising
How together
We can stay awake
All day
All night

And I’d do it
Again and again
All over
Every time
For you
All day
All night

Summer is coming up
Should I be excited?
Should I be happy?
I used to be
And maybe I should
But I'm not

Summers aren't
What they used
To be

As a child
Summers were something
That everyone
Really, everyone
Looked forward to

So Magical

The magic that used to be
Is gone
A train that left
Gone
Never coming back

Now
Everyone is in their rooms
No one goes outside
No one does sports
No one plays ball
No one plays tag
with their friends

The magic that used to be
Will it ever come back?

I waited
Seconds
Minutes
Hours
Days
Weeks
Months
Years
Nothing changed
Nothing healed

I called you
Stranger
Friend
Best friend
Lover
Stranger.

I was addicted
Addicted to you
The way
You made me feel
Like I was special
But you ruined me
Now I ask myself
Wasn't it obvious?
So obvious

You couldn't save me
From my darkest thoughts
From my pain
From my battle inside
From the cuts I hide
Probably didn't even try
You didn't try
But did I?

You're hurting me
Yet
I can't let go
You can't let go
Just let go

It hurts to leave
Even though
You're hurting me
Why can't you leave me?
Why can't I leave you?
We're not meant for each other
Set me free
Finally free

Now I'm realizing
You couldn't save me
I couldn't save you either
You hurt me
I hurt you too