I loved him.

And he loved me.

I feel like I lost myself.

And he found me.

I love the daytime.

Because I miss him at night.

Little did I know he

Was planting bombs

Disguised as flowers

I got addicted so quickly.

His absence created a

Growing desire in me

He had me wrapped.

Around his finger

And then he broke.

me into little pieces and

Scattered my remains at the

Corners of Earth

I am lost again.

With no one to find me

-Kat. J. K.

I loved you more.

Then I loved myself.

I sat there and forgave.

All your flaws

All your anger

All your secrets

But it seemed like you could never love me.

I tried and tried.

I huffed and I puffed.

But it was like a wall I couldn't entirely blow down.

It was like you went out of your way.

To try to get me out of your life.

I gave you more than you deserved.

I just wanted you to love me.

-Kat. J. K.

I fell in love.

But not with you.

I was in love with the way you made me feel.

It was like I could sprout wings.

From my back and fly away.

I loved you not.

But I could never get back.

The way you made me feel validated

You were ruthless, cruel, and abusive

But you were so patient.

I thought you loved me.

And I thought I loved you too.

I lost my mind.

And it felt like you were the only

One who could find it

That was the day I drowned.

-Kat. J. K.

scream at me
and I will hate myself
manipulate me
and I will do the same
beat me
and I will cause my own scars
just speak to me
and I will listen and learn
all this extra is unnecessary.

You were my own mother.

I stand there looking at my feet.

As you tell me, I don't deserve to cry.

You call me a monster.

Because what kind of daughter could be

Crazy enough to act this way

Certainly not mine.

Our relationship was toxic.

But you gave me life.

And a roof over my head

You called me a cruel daughter.

I can't stop myself from arguing every chance I get.

You call me manipulative when I say hurtful things when I get mad.

I am so used to apologizing to you.

You stopped believing me when I did.

When I was 12, you saw healed scars on my thighs.

You made me think that no one would ever love me.

Because what kind of man would love a girl with cuts on her body?

Nothing you said made sense.

I could never win when I talked to you.

Because you were my mother and were “always right.”

The worst part was I believed you.

-Kat. J. K.