i await that sweet rush
of passion, blood, & heart beats.
the friction of our flesh,
creating a seductive,
secluding warmth
for us to get lost in.

i await that sweet escape
from the pain of living
and lack of living.
the taste of your soul
on my lips.
breathing you in
through every part of me.

i await the sweet sound of home,
the symphony our senses play.
dancing with you,
romancing with you,
as the whole world falls away.

oh how fast we fall
in and out
of each other's hearts
like a fire
waiting to start
first it sparks
then it spreads
from your heart
to your head
into your room
and then your bed
and it just spreads
all over the place
envelopes you in
& makes no haste...
but in one quick gust
out goes the flame
and just like that
the winds of change
turn tender love
to blatant pain
just swoops on in
and changes game
it's almost enough
to drive you insane
cause then you are left
standing in the dark
standing in the wreckage
of your burnt shattered heart
that once had a beat
of deep love conviction
but now looks like the site
of a quick demolition
and compared to the future
that you planned in your head
what you though would be bright
is now withered and dead

When I see you
I see stars gleam
When I hear you
I hear hearts beats
When I touch you
I feel deep desire
When I taste you
My lips catch fire

where's the stimulation
is this life a simulation
we're all lacking inspiration
& we're feeling the deflation
cause we fight the integration
of our slowly rotting nations
working for our next vacation
losing passion for creation

there's always that someone.
that your heart speeds for,
since the first time you saw them.
there's just something in their smile,
that makes you wanna go that extra mile.
there's just something in their eyes,
that makes you feel bubbly & alive.
that makes you wanna take care of them forever.
that makes you powerless to their sultry ways.
this is the someone who will make you.
this is the someone who will break you.
and we can't control this destiny,
it's unrestricted chemistry.
as it fiercely lights our hearts,
and a romance starts to spark.

I'm writing down the words
I'm too afraid to say
I need to get them my off my chest
I can't live another day
Pursuing you submissively
Romancing you with poetry
It's killing me, you're killing me
But this you won't be like the rest you see
I'm tired of always rushing it
It comes on fast & I run with it
But it doesn't last & i'm done with it
I've learned from my past
I'm not wasting this
But I still should tell you how I feel
I think we might have a chance at something real
My spirit feels ignited
I'm following your lead
Adventures could await us
If we both can take the leap

Sometimes as I lay awake at night & I wonder to myself...
Will this life ever be enough for me.
I mean for a poet like me.
Who needs a constant flow of inspiration, experience, & beauty in life.
Who craves a life that is just so good it hurts.
Who brews constant whirlwinds of passion & romance to get wrapped up in.
I'm a chain feeler
I'm a chain lover
And I could show you a life & a love like no other.

Your voice makes me calm
Your hands hold me steady
Your love soothes my soul
And makes me feel ready

i want to watch you dance
the dance of life
& the dance of love
i want my words
to move you
to places you've never been to before
right out of your comfort zone
and into the depths of your heart
i want every line
to kiss your cheeks
to brush you hair
to take your breath
to swoon your soul

i want to write of your radiance
dance in your divinity
and hold you till infinity
i want to undress your body
your mind
& your soul
until you are naked and cold
and then i wanna wrap you up in me
in all my warmth
in all my love
and create a hurricane of heat
so passionate
it makes the walls tremble
it makes our lips
and our hips
and our legs
tremble
in untamable desire & lust

i want to fill you with feelings & thoughts
of pure ecstasy
i want to keep you from sleep
to make love to you breathlessly
my body's a temple
where i worship you blessedly
to service your beauty
is my passion fueled destiny

in a world made of heart,
but sorely lacking in love,
i fill myself with passions sweet grace
to bring the sun out from its place
where it hides beneath your face
of lost loves and past pains
of heartache and mistakes
& there I will find you
broken and bold
needing something to hold
and I will be that something
and you will never be told
by another soul
how you look in the light
of unconditional love
hold tight, it's alright.
let me lift you above
feel your heart taking flight
that you thought didn't work
but it did, and it does
and I am what it deserves.

you're my sunshine, my sweetness, my savior.
you're my favorite sound & my favorite flavor.
you are my resurrection place.
i am born again, at the sight of you face.

everything is starting to fall apart but simultaneously all fall together and in place.
change is swift these days,
& energies are running super high,
& time is still speeding up.
truth and realizations are flooding everyone now.
breakups and makeups you'd never thought you'd see are happening everywhere.
everything's fallin into place, whether we see or understand that place or not, it's happening against our control.
are we leading up to something?
are we all taking our final places on this stage we call life, to live out the final act, the end scene?
to embark upon a whole new story/play.
something much greater then we can know & see is happening right now.
& what's happening is outta our hands at this point, so buckle in everyone and embrace the unknown!
I think 2015 is gonna be one hell of a freakin year.
enlightenment is here.

we are the sinners & the saints.
we are the canvas & the paint.
we are the chaos & the calm.
we are the dusk & the dawn.

we are the truth & the lies.
we are the earth & the sky.
we are the leap & the fall.
we are the answer & the call.

we are the free, & the chained.
we are the crazy & the sane.
we are the living & the dead.
we are the hungry & the fed.

we are the shy & the daring.
we are the cruel, & the caring.
we are the simple & the complex.
we are the blessed, & the hexed.

we are the wrong, & the right.
we are the dark & the light.
we are the lost & the found.
we are colour, we are sound.

and i hope that you can see,
that you are EVERYTHING to me.
that i am you and you are me
& all we're meant to do is BE.
so let us be, forever free
& we can dream our destiny

take my word, my hand, my heart.
no matter the distance, we're never apart.
and when we face the pain & chaos.
love will guide us, truth will save us.

there will be someone
at some point
who's brought into your life
and in an instant
everything changes
there will be no time to think
to process or understand
the only thing you will know
is how you feel
and how you feel
will be fucken great
dangerously great
the kinda great that really hurts
when it's not there anymore
the kind great you would climb mountains for
just to see their breath-taking view
and the moment before you meet
everything will be whirl-winding
but once they're there
everything will fall into place
you will feel an irreplaceable feeling
of peace and tranquility
of being found
not knowing you were even lost
until the moment that they saw you
of being home
not knowing you had ever left
until the moment that you saw them
& it may happen outta no where
but there will be no denying it when it does
this person will take you the places you've never been
tell you all the things you wished to hear
know exactly what to do
to squash your doubts or fears
they will attract you
as if there were magnets
in both of your souls
that only attract to each other
and nobody els could see
or a language for our hearts
that nobody els could speak
whatever it may be
once you know they exist
your life as you know it
will cease to exist
suddenly, the only life you will see
is a life with them in it
and anytime their love is lacking
so will your life be
and it will be the worst and best thing
that you will ever come to know or feel
but knowing that something like that can exists
is what makes living so exciting & real

let me hold you, let me love you.
unconditionally, non traditionally.
i could give you a love that people die for.
a love that the gods of fate would cry for.
the suns love to shine, we would put to shame.
for my soul is a fire, and you are the flames.
i burn for you more passionately then all the stars in the sky.
your my reason to live and my reason to die.
your smile is what anchors me down,
your smile sends me straight to the clouds.
i want to give life to that light in your eyes,
let the friction of flesh slay the pain from inside.
how you shine so divine.
how your beauty leaves me blind.
not another moment can past, without showing you my heart.
its yours for the taking or taring apart.
this honesty's from deep in me,
your name laces the air i breathe.
at dusk you dance through my sweet dreams.
i love you so internally, eternally, i yearn for thee.

people arrive in our lives
like lightening bolts from the sky
striking us as they ride
shooting sparks up our spine
they're electrifying
make you feel like your flying
they're all that you want
but your so scared of trying
cause your hearts still in hiding
from the last time it stormed
it was left in cold
but it wants to be warm
and there's a light in his eyes
that just comes alive
when they meet up with mine
and i could probably just die
right where i am
right in his grace
and the last thing i'll see
is that magnificent face
and that would be okay
but it scares me to think
that i'm falling so fast
can you pour me a drink
now i know it may seem
i'm all over the place
but i can't process life
when my heart starts to race
and i can't dance my best
when my knees start to shake
but i want to impress you
cause your heart i must take
and i can't help but wonder
if you care just as much
do you get hot & bothered
at the feel of my touch
do you think it is risky
if i finish this whiskey
i might stay the whole night
tryin to get you to kiss me
do you know that i want
to give you the world
and all i ask in return
is that you make me your girl
as the hours do thin
my bravery does thicken
me palms become moist
my sentences quicken
i've been watching you now
for just long enough
to gather the courage
to show you my love
and i hope you don't run
cause i'm finally dry
from the last lightening storm
and the tears that i cried.

sometimes i feel down,
sometimes i feel blue.
when times like that come,
i just sit and think of you.
you are like the sun,
shining down on me.
you make it easy,
to be so happy.

we never did care,
about what they say.
so why start now,
let's quit the work & play.
the earth is my oyster,
and your my pearl,
let's stop wasting time,
and go explore the world.

don't go anywhere,
you know how much i care.
we can see the world,
hand in hand, i'm your girl.
don't you wanna see it all,
the pyramids, and the great wall,
laughing, singing dancing, grinning,
we make a good team.

i'll watch your back,
& you'll watch mine.
nothing will stop us,
we'll leave our doubts behind.
we'll face all our fears,
will beat them with love.
we'll swim with the sharks,
we'll fly with the doves.

we'll smile at the strangers,
we'll smile at the sky,
we smile at the darkness,
we smile at the light.
we're finally where,
we wanted to be.
nothing to hold us back,
you & i are free.

& we'll go anywhere,
if there's danger we don't care,
we're gonna see the world,
hand in hand, yah i'm your girl.
we stand so proud & tall,
at the pyramids, and the great wall,
laughing, singing dancing, grinning,
we make a good team.

50 years have come and gone,
and here we are.
sitting in our rocking chairs,
playin some cards.
i make you cookies,
& you make me tea,
still happy to be with you,
living in a tree.

we talk of the things we've seen,
& all we've learned.
we were right there moving,
with the world as it turned.
i have no fears now,
i have no regrets.
we lived the good life,
we we're the best.

we went everywhere,
& i hope you know that i still care,
ya we saw the world,
hand in hand, & 'im still your girl.
we got to see it all,
the pyramids, the great big wall,
laughing, singing, dancing, grinning,
we'll always be a team.

& so my darling,
let's create together.
let's make art and love and life.
let's celebrate our existence,
and this cosmic fusion of energies.
this is the reunion & rebirth of souls.
this is what people live & die for.
let's paint & sing & dance & heal.
let's explore the land by sun,
and our bodies by moon.
let's define love.
free love.
wild love.
crazy beautiful love.
this is it.
this is bliss.

she dressed like the summer time
and tasted like sweet wine
**** she was so fine
i just gotta make her mine

And his one & only home
Has always been the unknown
He is destined to roam
And he does so alone
He's a wanderlust
In nature he trusts
He knows of the dangers
But keep trying he must
He's directionless
His affection missed
But in the wild
Is where he finds bliss

I am
a ******
passionate
being of sensuality
step out of your skin
and into my reality
I will lure you in
and make you my casualty
I will love you so good
you will question morality

I am covered in love
Covered in blood
Black and white tounges
Under crimson red suns
Where all stays holy
And all stays bright
And my thoughts alone
Keep me warm at night

we are energy, life, form, art,
dancing in space.
waiting to be found,
to be seen,
to be heard,
to be felt,
to be loved.
waiting for ignition,
for the recognition,
between souls.
waiting for the spark
that births the flame of love.
that warms and glows
to soothe these aching bones,
for the dance of life
i move alone.
waiting for the sun
that calms my hearts storm,
for the angelic voice
that surrenders my minds war.
unconsciously,
i'm drawn to thee,
waiting for that moment of freeing,
to cut these fear sewn ties
that blind my eyes from beauty.
you are the blood that courses true,
that flows in me
and leads to you.
waiting to bask in your glory light,
to be captivated by your sight.
oh what a timeless woe,
will we ever come to know,
to feel,
to move,
to show,
the lovers dance,
to be in lovers trance,
i pray that this is so.

they want us all to be so distracted and focused on these personal plights of ours.
romantic, religious, financial, fame, that we miss out on the true point of life.
which is to just be.
to take this life, live it, and love it.
simply & sweetly, savoring every moment for what it is.
we're so busy looking for answers, or seeking validation for our existence, and for what?
i dont really think there is a specific reason we came to be.
i think we just happened, the most beautiful of accidents and surprises that's ever come to be in the universe.
why waste time figuring it out,  just enjoy yourself for **** sake, while we're still here!
we need to all be babies again.
fresh/open minded, not trying to be anyone , living day by day, moment to moment, wide eyed and in awe of it all.. enjoying.. learning.. no plans.. not plights.. just basic needs, food, sleep, & love, exploring the world, taking it all in with no ego and no judgments.
would be lovely wouldn't it.

I think the moment I met you
Time stopped
I forgot how to think
How to breathe
How to move
All I could feel
Was you
And your presence
And the way you looked
And the way you sounded
And the way you moved
& It was all I could do
To hold myself back
From also seeing how you taste
I think the moment I met you
My heart beat full speed
I forgot where I was
Where I'd been
Where I was going
All that I knew
Is where I had to be
Closer to you
And your smile
And your energy
And your world
& It was all I could do
To hold myself back
From asking you to be apart of it
To be the start of it
And the middle
And the end
Cause I could not settle for friends
I need to hear, to see, to feel, to know
How far and this could go
& Whatever els I was doing can wait
Cause it seem i have a date with fate.

all i can do
is write about you
how you make me think
how you make me feel
about this world
about myself
about love
all i can do is write
and silently pine
hoping that we cross paths
hoping that we brush skins
and hoping that the marching band
that is my heart
cannot be seen
through this transparent flesh
cannot be heard
over my nervous laughter & words
i must curb my enthusiasm
restrain my my heart
subdue my urges
before i find myself
where i always find myself
spinning out of control
into passionate madness
losing all sense of myself
that isn't drenched in love
recklessly whirl-winding
until i am so far gone
so high up
that i can only see stars
that i can only hear birds
and boy do i live for those feels
i would give anything
to feel something real
something good
something pure
like a new born, or a new home, or a new love.
to feel new again,
to feel me again.

but the thing is.....
when you always hang out in the clouds
what goes up must always comes down
one moment i can see all the world
through rosy love blind eyes
the next moment i am plummeting
right out of the sky
and i hit the ground so hard
i eat the ******* dirt
and hell does it hurt
more then anything ever did
over and over again
and the impact like a meteor
that once shot through the sky
in such magnificent beauty
that people would make wishes as it passed by
left such a massive whole
in the earth
& in my heart
a hole so deep that it would be forever called art
and i am left at the bottom of it
in the darkness of it
waiting for a pair of eyes to see me
waiting for a pair of hands to need me,
to reach me, and pull me back out
of my self-inflicted ruins & heartache
to remind me of how good it feels
to love & be loved again
& sometimes it tempting to stay
in the predictability
and assured stability
of my deep dark hole
but how do you say no
to such sparkling eyes
to such a warm smile
how could you say no
when the hands of love
want to lift you up
i have never been able

they call it falling in love
but that's never really the case
you see falling is what you do
when the love starts to leaves you
you fall from high to low
your pulse falls
your tears fall
your eye lids fall
your heart falls
from your chest to your stomach
where it then turns into a piece of heavy dark coal
that just weighs you down wherever you go
everything you built together falls
but at least then
you are then put in a position
to make yourself better
because with enough pain & pressure
that coal that is now your heart
has the potential to become a diamond
but it really should be called soaring in love
or sky rocketing in love
or floating in love
because that's how it really feels
just always give yourself time to heal
time to shine or unwind
until you feel fine
or the next time you'll be soaring
with damaged goods

yes all i can do is wait
and write
and sit & pine
hoping that we cross paths
hoping that we brush skins
hoping to be born again
& with each time i fail,
it hurts a little bit more
but i know there's still people
who are worth falling for

listening to the pixies on repeat
where is my mind
where is my mind

can't shake the feeling of defeat
where is my mind
where is my mind

my emotions are slowly eating me
where is my mind
where is my mind

a heartbreak felt for infinity
where is my mind
where is my....

With each passing day it gets harder to be away from you.
I cannot stop thinking about you it's crazy.
When I walk I imagine you with me.
When I lay in bed I imagine you with me.
When I cook breakfast I imagine you with me.
Your always with me now.
The thought or you creates a constant flow of smiles, happiness, inspiration, & energy in me & in my life.
Every set of blue eyes I see, I see you.
Every smile that I see, I see you.
Every time I hear the word love or see people in love or hear laughter, I think of you.
You are so wonderful.
You energize me like no other.
I feel high, I feel unstoppable, I feel like in right where I am suppose to be, completely aligned with destiny and Gaia's plans for me.
I cannot wait until you are physically in my life!
Ive just been gettin these waves of euphoria that sweep over me all the time especially when I think about you.
I want to make you so very very happy : )
I'm going try my hardest to give you the beautiful love that you deserve & the love you always wanted to have.
I feel like no matter what happens to me in the future if I had you then I'd always be happy and have something to look forward to.
I feel like no matter what I do, or we do, I could never really loose or fail at because being with you is like winning the best prize of life lol
always winning, always grinning!
everything we've given is coming back to us now.
all the love & inspiration & wisdom & kindness, it's all coming back to us, in the form of eachother : )
this is only goin to get better & deeper & stronger & more awesome.
I can't wait to get to know you more and on other levels.

one day your gonna look at someone
and in one beautifully
breathtaking moment
all the other painful moments
moments of confusion
of heart break
of destruction
and unraveling
with everyone els
will suddenly make sense
will suddenly have reason
and you won't even see it coming
all those moments of defeat
and despair
were preparing you
were leading you
towards this day
and this face
staring back at me
like i'm the sun
because i'm the one
& all those moments
were just prolonging
the inevitable moment
where you i
finally collide
and lock eyes
and realize
that everyone els
was just a lesson
a detour
a stepping stone
to a real home
to a real adventure
to a real love
where we can live
in our prime light
bathed in lime light
as ever-changing
enigmas of love
and passion
and exploration
no fear is found
no judgments sound
it's just you and i
& the answers to life
living like gods
& loving unconditionally
with effortless simplicity
wrapped up in fate's mystery

you are a fucken ******
wherever i go
whatever i do
you find me
or i'll find you

you are smothering me
like honey drowning a bee
or a boat eaten by sea
i can't breathe
i can't breathe

you are holding me back
like a slow heart-attack
or a large sidewalk crack
it's your knack
it's your knack

you are creepin me out
you are making me doubt
every swear, every slurr,
ever word you spit out

i can't shake the unease
your a sneak & a skeez
i can't stomach the ****
that you drop at my knees

you're a mess
you're obsessed
all you do is oppress
you disgust
have no trust
see your face if i must

but you scare me
and you wear me
and i don't think
that you'd spare me
standing at the cold end
i know you'd pull me in

am i headed where i need to be?
so much feelings of uncertainty..
i just don't want to get hurt you see,
all these feelings bursting forth from me.
but how do i know?
if this is where i should go?
should i take it real slow..
or just go with the flow.
maybe i should let it be,
and just wait to see..
cause if it were up to me (preferably),
i'd like to avoid catastrophe.
but my heart's beating too fast for me,
to hear the words it has to speak.
so here i go, into the unknown,
looking for the one, to call my own.

sometimes i worry that the war will never end
sometimes i worry that blood will always be shed

sometimes i worry that children will die
sometimes i worry that humanity cries

sometimes i worry that he will never think he's good enough
sometimes i worry that she will never hear she's beautiful

sometimes i worry for my future son & daughter
sometimes i worry we will run out of water

sometimes i worry that we won't wake up in time
sometimes i worry that we've all lost our minds

do you ever worry about these things in your head?
when you can't get to sleep, and your laying in bed.
i do all the time, it's hard to ignore,
all the pain and the lies and the hate in the world.
it's madness out there..
but i have faith that the divine human spirit will pull through.
i have faith in me & i have faith in you.
all i really want is to love you, wont you let me in?
i know you wanna love me too, and let healing begin.
let's clean the slate, erase all hate, re-write our fate, before it's too late.
to everyone you meet do nice things & enjoy the little joys life brings.

i search for a love that looks like a crusade of fireworks
staged in a sky that is blanketed by stars
i search for a love that smells like the spring rain
after it collides with flower petals & window panes
i search for a love that feels like a warm cup of tea after a long day
that warms your skin & bones, to soothe your tired soul
i search for a love that has your rugged hands
and your alluring eyes
and your endearing lips
that are stained with wine
i search for you
because i want you
all of the time
i want you
but who knows
if i'll ever really find you..

when you walk into the room,
my heat skips a beat.
your the only person i can see,
and the only reason i'm there.
when our eyes meet,
every part of me tingles.
your eyes shine so bright..
your the most beautiful thing,
that iv'e ever seen.
your fancy clothes,
make me anxious to hold you,
and anxious to get you alone.
you light up the room with your smile.
& in that moment i know,
that i'm the luckiest person in the world.
you wave to me,
and i just stare.
you find your way to me,
past all the faces.
i wrap my arms around you,
and feel your warmth,
i could spend the rest of my life here.
you tell me you love me,
and i feel it.
i ask you to leave,
and you take my hand.
i would follow you,
into the darkest of places.
but you take me to a clearing instead.
we lay down,
our faces pointed towards the sky.
sparks flying,
further then we can see.
i rest my head on you,
and hear your heartbeat.
if i could only find the words..
you kiss me,
your undeniable.
you feel so right it hurts.
& i don't know why,
it took so long
for me to realize.
that i had unmistakably fallen...
for you.

blindly driving
powered by fear
swerving all over
never learned how to steer
you might want to watch out
cause i won't spill my beer
i'll just run you right over
you'll be struck like a deer

sometimes I just feel so ******* alive.
beautifully, painfully, ravenously & irreversibly alive..
exploding at the seems of my skin with unstoppable energy & will & plans.
other times I just feel so ******* dead...
numb to the bone with no one and nowhere to call home.
emotionless, humourless, directionless, & defeated.
and you never know what way it'll go,
which side will show..
it's a show, i'm a show.

Keep shining your light.
Hold tight, stay bright.
And keep the love alive.

I am embracing my inner goddess.
I am recognizing, channeling, & swimming in divine female energy.
And I shall let my love shine forth & envelope those around me.

You show me your glory light,
And I'll show you my glory love.

can someone please come here to me
crawl in my bed tonight
i can't stand this ugly lonesomeness
for one more sleepless night
i tried to drink my cares away
i numbed myself to ease the pain
i traded in a try hard man
for a bottle of whiskey
and a new set of plans
but nothing i do feels right yet
and i guess this is just what i get
for not knowin where i'm goin
but still showin and still growin
& i'll be living life quite recklessly
until my graceful death it seems

i never dream
or at least i never remember
but lately
i can't stop dreaming of you
your like a ghost in my head
haunting my dreams
i don't wanna wake up
because when i close my eyes
we are together
we are making love
we are making laughter
we are making dreams
but then i wake up
and you fly back to your reality
and i am left waking in the cold lonely truth
that is my own reality
a reality without you
a life where our eyes never meet
where our lips never press
where our bodies never touch
how can i go on living
without feeling every inch of you first
how can i go on knowing
nobody's there for you at your worst
i should be that somebody

how can you crave something so badly
that's never even touched your tongue..
your an inextinguishable addiction
a hopeless love affliction
and i wont stop wanting you
until every part of you
has met every part of me
if i must move land and sea
together we will be

you have my heart
and at any moment
you could run
you could break it
but you won't
instead you hold it
nice and high
up in the sky
so close to the sun
it catches fire
it burns for you
a burning desire
you light me up
like a great idea
we're a great idea

your eyes,
like the earth.
seeing me,
grounding me.
your lips,
make me yearn.
tasting me,
hastily.
your hands,
like a potter.
spinning me,
shaping me.
your body,
makes me hotter.
electrifying,
energy.
your soul,
like gold.
engaging me,
and changing me.
my heart,
you hold.
readily,
and steadily.

what am i doing here
and with myself
does it seem like i know
because i don't
i'm just as lost as you are
just as reckless
as scared
as confused
as doubtful
as you are
if not more
i just know how to keep my cool
i just know how to brush it off
better than most

Dead Love

please let this pass.
please make this fast.
i don't know how long i can last.
i'm done with blame.
i'm done with pain.
of feeling lame.
it's all a same.
they're all the same.
playin these games.
they'll never change.
so please refrain.
oh what a shame.
i've gone insane.
to **** the pain.
of friendship slain.
of love now tamed.
never again to be obtained.

the way you dress
the way you taste
the way you laugh
you smiling face

you leave me breathless
weak in the knees
you got me singing love songs
and staying up pass three

i know, i know
that this ain't how it's suppose to go
we always try to take it slow
but before we know it, it's all over.
why waste our time,
when love is so easy to find,
a million hearts, a million minds,
& it's never to late to start all over.

sometimes it's hard to express your pain when almost everyone in your life expects you to always be positive & upbeat.
you don't want to let anyone down, you wanna be there for them,
& provide all with love and good vibes,
but in doing so you let down yourself & neglect your own feelings.
if you couldn't tell i haven't been doing so well lately..
in sacrificing my happiness for others I have trapped & tied down my spirit.
& by refusing to deal with my own emotions I am slowly building a fate fit for a time bomb.
instead of letting it all out & facing my pain.
I've been tryin to counter/reverse things by taking in as much as I can.
I've been over doing everything,
over eating, spending, sleeping smoking.
constant consumption,
trying to hide & distract myself from my pain.
trying to make myself feel better without having to actually deal with my feelings.
I need the strength to overcome my obstacles but I can't seem to find it right now : (
& why am I sharing this?
because I'm hurting,
because I'm human,
& because its nice just to be heard.
despite what you may think I still have my bad times, my failures, my sadness.
I still feel the same, we all feel the same.
if it hurts you, it hurts me too.
the reason I've been avoiding my feelings is because I know how much it's gonna hurt when I finally do face them & I'm honestly not ready..
I'm not use to carrying so much pain & sadness.
I now realize though that by living the way I have been I am just adding to the chaos & confusion that is currently my life.
I feel disconnected from myself and the earth because I've been ignoring both.
and I find myself doing things and thinking things I normally wouldn't.
things that I know aren't helping me any.
by playing this full time act i am leaving myself broke, tired, unhealthy & unfocused which does not help me in overcoming my deeper issues.
I just need to breathe, i need to be brave, & i need to start listening to myself.
I've always tried to live from my heart but lately I've spent no time there at all.
I've been hiding out in my mind trying to ignore the state of my heart,
but now even my mind has turned into a chaotic mess & there's no where left to hide.

I want to be born again
I want to remember what it's like
to feel something new
to experience something
for the first time again
endlessly I search
for that feeling
in other places
and fresh faces
but nothing I do
births the feeling of newness
I want to feel my face catch fire
with blushings from sweet nothings
whispered in my ears
I want to feel the beat of my heart
so loud and hard
that I'm afraid it will burst through my chest
into someone else's hands
I want to feel a love so fresh
it feels true & limitless
as I gaze into its beauty & potential
I want my feelings to rush forth
like the flood gates after a hurricane
to rush forth
like the Spartans army
on the brink of the battle field
to rush forth
like a forest fire of untamable desire
sweeping everything els in its wake
all the pain
the questions
the strife
that comes with life
swept up in the fire
in the magic
in the moment
of feeling something new

I just wanna cry, cry, cry,
but I just gotta try, try, try.
I know it's hard but baby please,
i'll believe in you,
if you'll believe in me.
we can make it through these days,
we can find a better way.
this will only make us stronger,
it's taken me a little longer,
to realize just what it takes,
but i'm workin on it every day.
Cause i'm tired of waiting on you.
I gotta do my own thing,
gotta find my own truths.
gotta chase my dreams,
before life leaves me behind.
no more wasting time.
I'm putting money on these rhymes.
& I really thought I lost myself,
but it's all good, cause now I'm found.
I was blind, but now I see,
the future that's in front of me.
to have your love is all I need,
I'll love you till my soul's set free.
and we'll always meet right back here,
just have no fear, i'll make it dear.
Cause no matter where you are,
I will be in your heart.
I'll always be your biggest fan,
you'll always be my gentleman.
I know it's hard but baby please,
i'll believe in you,
if you'll believe in me.
we can make it through these days,
we can find a better way.
this will only make us stronger,
it's taken me a little longer,
to realize just what it takes,
but i'm workin on it every day.

so many people walking around
with skeletons in their closets
too afraid to share their stories
of being used
of being broken
of their innocence being stolen
in fear of rejection
in fear that they will become
those horrific moments
that they will be reduce to
or defined by
the moment that in their eyes
ruined them
that moment they feel
they were forever changed

so many people walking around
with skeletons in their closets
and all us
have our wicked addictions
to anything that takes away our pain
the pain of living
in such a twisted,
misunderstood world
all of us **** drunk
on the idea
that we can distract ourselves
with shiny things
and hide ourselves
in huge houses
and that these things
will make others love and accept us
because god knows we cant do that ourselves

& god knows that the dark spaces
in the backs of our minds
are filled will enough shame
and disappointment
in ourselves & in others
and in this thing called life
that if we don't constantly
feed ourselves with ***,
and spending
and drugs
it will take over all the space in our minds
& eat us alive

we look for someone, anyone
who will validate us
in the way we so desperately need
someone to say
you are beautiful
and worth all the love i can give
because we just can't say it that ourselves
and we find ourselves
so dependent on people
to give us our worth and value
we become so dependent
so needy, its becomes toxic
and somebody ends up suffocating

our life becomes a series
of crash and burn stories
of rising in love elation
and drug addiction
and then falling at their mercy
falling into their despair
but we use it all
just as bad as we were used
it gives us a reason
to not face our demons
to not clean our closets
to not face our fears
but as time goes on i wonder
which would be easier
to be continuously tangoing
with other peoples demons
or to finally just go home
and face my own.

i love you for all of the words you just spoke.
because you make me believe every word that you wrote.
i love you because you show me the love i've always searched for.
i love you because you feel like a beautiful adventure to me.
i love you because in my eyes, you out shine the sun.
i love you because you make me feel so rich in happiness & love.
i love you because your make me feel more alive & infinite then anyone i've ever met.
i love you because your genuineness is captivating & timeless.
i love you because your soul & my soul, they go way back.
i love you because you know me, you get me, & you love me because of that.
i love you because you are my fire, my earth & my heart.
i love you because i feel you in everything.
i love you because you are so far away, yet i know you are with me.
i love you because sometimes i can feel you more then i feel myself.
i love you because i see nobody els.
i love you because i know you will never bring me down, because you uplift me, & you'll soar with me.
i love you because of how easy it is to think up reasons why i love you.
because every thought you think, every word you speak, ever thing you do, is a new reason to love you.
i love you because everything you do is love, everything you are is love.
i love you because it feels more natural to me then anything els iv'e ever done.
i love you because you are everything i want, & everything i need.
i love you because you will let me be free,
because you love me free & because you love to be free to.
we will love all freely & infinitely
we will heal all freely & infinity
and we will love and heal each other, freely & infinitely.