I run my hand along the traces of him.
I feel the blood rush through my skin.

I grip my shoulder where your head once rested.
I tear at my soul just to feel connected.

I feel the rage I should have felt eleven months ago,
I feel the desire I ought to forgo.

You were the best of all the others,
Their traces remain, but they weren't even lovers.

And neither were we, almost but not quite,
But you were the closest I have been to the shame free light.

I want to be clean of the stain he left,
I want to be clean of the desire I regret.

But as I look at this mark that you left on me,
I am not so sure I want to be free.

i clench my fist hoping i've grabbed the last inch of air i could put behind my broken jaw

breathe in, breathe out

my mind attacks my memory like it's a world war with no allies

breathe in, breathe out

i remember you
i remember you?
since i was 8 i've tried to play God
and ended up admitting i'm a sinner

breathe in, breathe out

i brought you back from the dead
only for you to sit in your grave

we all did
we prayed for you

breathe in, breathe out

my memories don't lie
and i remember a change in you
and i thanked God with all my might that i could no longer blame you

I WISH I COULD SCREAM IN YOUR FACE BUT...

breathe in, breathe out

if i could pray i would say: God help my dad so he doesn't die in a puddle of his own rage

*breathe in...

If loving you was wrong,  

Then I sure as hell don't want to be *right

She kisses my cheek,
And I realized we never had our last kiss,
And I never wanted it to end up like this,
The waters are getting rough,
And I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.
I'll stop trying so hard, I don't have the energy,
Maybe I will next week.

I remember when my dreams were still like fairy tales,
Id see you, holding my hand,
Black dress, white pearls, red lipstick
But lately you haven't been in my dreams,
And the colors are something different,
The black, the darkness surrounds,
The white, the crooked smile of the abuser,
The red, the blood spilt on the bed.
My hand, covering the **** in my head.
Let us not forget,
Nightmares are dreams too.

We live in a world of OTPs
Shipping a love that doesn't exist.
We live in a time of "whoa is me"
When opportunity comes we tend to resist.

See we like the imaginary, you and me,
Living a life of heavenly bliss.
Some love it so much they tend not to see
That they could be missing their true love's kiss.

Step out of the fake and into the real,
I feel you would really like life here.
Trust me please when I say this dear,
Life will soon be better than your dreams.

I start hinting about the pain,
You still don't get it,
Anger builds up inside me,
Then it turns to sadness.

I can't breathe,
Tears fill my eyes,
I fall to the floor,
I can't stand being around anyone,
I'm dying on the inside.

But what do you care,
You'll just keep ignoring me.

how am i supposed to take my time
when i don't know when time is taking me
how can i make up my mind
when my mind is only breaking me

how can i see it clear
when it clearly can't be seen
how can i stop the fear
when the fear is everything

how am i supposed to let it be
when my thoughts aren't letting me
how can i get the point
when the point keeps stabbing me