i just wanna know why
why i'm never good enough
for anything, for anyone
why am i always the selfish one
why can't i just want to make myself happy
why do i devote myself to fixing people
that don't care if i'm anywhere close to whole
why do i live my life to other's expectations
i'm feel like i'm living someone else's life
i'm living for someone else
and i just don't feel happy
or whole or loved or appreciated or
hell,
i don't feel ******* real
and i really just don't know why.

I am sorry
that I am going to come off as a *****
but I,
my friend,
Can't stand you like I used to.
You brag
and you scream
and you ignore me
but say hello to me
when no one is around.
Please tell me
what I did wrong
for us to grow apart-
It's almost like you didn't care.
Did you?
Or was I used to boost your ego?
I wasn't like you,
not good at the things you do.
I'm inferior
so to speak.
I complimented you.
I supported you.
That I didn't get in return.
I got ignored in return.
So tell me,
old friend,
Did I boost your ego?

My hands
wrapped in yours
My hands
wrapped around your hips
My hands
holding you hostage to my
             love

Your hands
wrapped in mine
avoiding a goodbye
Your hands
holding my heart
Your hands
squeezing at my
metaphorical throat
asphyxiating the bad dreams

My hands
Your hands.

Hello,
you don't know me yet.
I'll bet you wish you wouldn't.
My name is Irrational,
and my hobbies include worrying about the world,
myself,
and everyone else.
My talents include cynicism and anxiety
and lacking variety
living in a not-so-high society.
Living with welts
on my heart
from being alone
for so long
begging for attention,
living with condescension.
Wondering what'll be on my gravestone.
"Loving mother, daughter, sister, wife,"
in the death of a cynic
another critic
comes another poem
about just some boring life.

I had a dream
once upon a time
I thought I'd be successful
(but obviously, I'm not good enough for that)
There was once a gleam
in my eyes, that I
would cherish
for years.
But now I
am not good enough,
I am just a rejection.
Just tears in a bathroom stall,
red eyes and broken hearted,
over something small.
Does it really matter?
Because I am a rejection
for every darling thing
that I've ever wanted

I am not a poet.
I may write poems
but I am not a poet.
Poets speak pretty words.
I speak in a tongue no one knows,
not even me.
I am not a poet.
I am a girl,
with unspoken words
who gazes at trees.
I am a girl
with red hair and
watery eyes
but I,
I am not a poet.
I am not a poet.

Vagabond of the heart
Always wandering, searching for
Love. Bless the heart of the
Exuberant lover whom thought.
No love to find here, nomad, no love.
To where you go, oh vagabond?
In the years I've known you, you've
Never found love.
Even then, you're still searching, old and weary.

Part of me wants to believe
that I'm important,
more important than the dirt we walk on
Part of me says that
I'm the equivalent of the grass
that is shredded in the lawnmower
Which am I?
It depends
maybe on the day,
maybe on the person
but to me
I'm just the wind blowing
on a cold day
that freezes your nose
and numbs your heart
I'm the kind of person
that you don't want to be.
the kind of person
that cries over everything.
The kind of person
that wants to believe she's good
but doesn't feel like she is
Tries, tries, tries but isn't
Who am I?
Who are you?
I'm a whisper
in the night,
overlooked.

Where has my motivation gone?
It has grown wings
flap, flap, swoosh
There it is in the air
the black bird
falling to the ground
**dead

Why me?
Avoid sitting by me
avoid eye contact
look at me like I don't belong near you.
At a table with friends
ignored.
not as important
as
what they had to do that day
in English class.
But I'm not important.
Forgotten in conversation,
cut off while talking
forgotten, forgotten, forgotten
like vegetables on a child's plate
or a napkin in a pant's pocket.
This is me
forgotten
never to be remembered.
School forgets me
thought my name was Brittany
Puts smart or athletics on a pedestal
but if you're like me
you don't matter
Forgotten in the wind
not to be remembered
by a soul.

I always need you
but I guess that isn't all
I know I need you
Not someone else's heart
I need yours
your pretty green eyes
your lovely kisses
but I don't know
where I went wrong
What I did wrong

I'll never be enough
for me,
for you,
for your love
I'm just another **** up
An ugly, butter-toothed **** up
Won't you go to someone better?
Someone who won't hurt you like me?
Because only me,
only me
could ever **** up this bad

I can't say these things to you
because you'll tell me it's not true
but **** it is
****, ****, it is.
Parts of me want to believe
I'm a good person
but I don't even think I am anymore.
I **** up and everything comes out so *wrong

You lie to me
but call me a friend
You lie to her
and call her a friend
Friends don't lie,
pal.
Something trivial
Something dumb
Another lie
slips your tongue
Why do you fib?
Why do you pretend?
What is the truth
Do you even trust us?
I've known you for years
but yet
I'm
not good enough
for you
to tell the truth to

When you look at her
and her tangled dam of string
what do you think of her?
do you think she's beautiful?
with her swollen red lips,
messed up hair,
half lidded eyes,
Do you love her in that moment?

When you look at him
on top of you
eyes lingering hungrily over your body
do you think he's perfect?
do you see his bright eyes and
know that this
is the only man for you?
Do you feel the love when
he traces his
fingers over your thighs
and
tells you he'll take care of you?
Do you
love him when
he leaves you sleeping?

Do you think they're beautiful?

I like to watch the sun rise
because you'll never know when you'll die
when the light in your heart
isn't so bright
as the street lamps at night
as the sun in the sky
I like to watch the sun set
when the clouds go away
and the sky is dark
and you wonder why
you're not enough
then forget it all
because you have love
and you're watching the sun
up above

Vanilla ice cream
Smeared on soft pink lips
Lean in for a kiss
Nearly miss
Sunset winds
Start again.

Let's start this off by saying I'm a size 6
And I'm told I'm on the weighter side.
When did that become true,
And why should I care about you?
Average American size is 14,
I don't know why you're so mean.
Let's pay more attention
To how much is our tuition
and our poverty rates
all the crimes of hate
Let's forget the size of our jeans
Pay less attention to the movie scenes

Sleeping on a loveseat
in a crowded living room
waking up in the morning
tap tap tap on my leg
"You have to babysit," she says,
walking out the door with her husband
My mother, oh my mother
left me here again,
with three kids
I know she has to work,
I know she's got bills to pay
but I wish I had some time to myself
to be 16
like I'll never be again
I want to learn to drive,
I want to catch fireflies at 12 a.m
with bare feet sliding in the dewy grass
I'm only 16 my brain says
no, wait, not even 16
not yet
I want to learn to make my own mistakes
and not have to be an influence
I know this is my life..
but I wish I didn't sleep all the time.
Depressed, anxiety
I really wonder what's wrong with me
I want to love myself
like the love I give to everybody else
I want to get good grades
and kiss the night away
I want to cuddle up in a big warm bed
beside my lovely
but no
I'm sleeping on a loveseat
in a crowded living room
wondering what's wrong with me
to wake up in the morning
to birds singing the same tune.

They always say
an artist's time
is late at night
or early morning
but mine
mine is now
evening,
night,
day,
bright,
sunny,
snowy,
rainy.
Our times are now.
Make the most of them.

I wish someone was proud of me
More than just one,
more than just one.
More than just my lover.
I wish my mom was proud of me
for academics, poetry
art, music
anything I do
I wish my dad was proud of me
My stepfather
My best friend.
I wish I had something to be proud of
more than just my love
and lack of envy.
With long brown painted nails
tap-tap-tapping on a keyboard
Wondering what I could be good at
How I could make you proud
But that'll never happen, I think
too much on the plate,
too much to see,
to much to know.
I wish someone would be proud of me,
more than just my lover,
that sees every side of me.

Do you ever think
you're not good enough
not smart enough
Prejudiced schools, workplaces
One tells you this,
the other tells you that.
You're told you can't,
but she can
and he can
and they excel,
first place, second place, third
and you're somewhere in the bottom.
No one gives you a chance
you're average,
looked over like the sun
on a hot August day.
Then you're told
it doesn't matter, and it doesn't define you.
Well maybe it ******* hurts regardless
because maybe I want to be noticed
once in a blue moon
for something I've tried so hard for
and wasn't just handed to me

Good morning, sunshine
Nine-thirty a.m
and you're lighting up my life.
Good morning, sunshine
that warms me to my bones,
and makes me feel alive.
Light dancing off the tin roof,
dewdrops sparkling like glitter glue.
Say hello to the bright azure sky,
blow kisses to the moon, goodbye.

Goodnight, goodnight
Stars so bright,
twinkling in your eyes,
goodnight, goodnight
Lips of faded skin,
skin of porcelain
Black shirt, black shirt
What are you worth?
I love you, I love you
Kisses of beautiful sin
I love you, I love you,
to hold me is bliss
one I'll surely miss
Goodnight, goodnight,
my darling tonight.
Have you ever seen the rain?
The sky cries
as the stars twinkle in your eyes
but goodnight, goodnight
the moon says goodnight.

I would hate to lose my vision
because the world is so beautiful
still, serene, peaceful water,
bright blue skies filled with gray stratus clouds,
dew drops on freshly grown green grass
muddy brown creeks,
with small skipping rocks bouncing,
splashing,
a little kitten, barely old enough
to open sweet little eyes
Tall trees covered in powdery snow,
small puppy prints in the blanket of crisp white velvet

I would hate to lose my sense of hearing
because there's an abundance of sweet sounds.
Kittens purring,
wind blowing,
pitter-pattering rain on an old tin roof,
soft snoring of your lover beside you
people's chatter in the street
laughing ringing out clearly

There's someone in my heart
whom I've almost lost
Who means the world to me.
He has black hair
and emerald eyes
A kissable mouth
To no surprise.
His kisses are heaven
and our cuddles are loving
and I'm just a brat
who takes everything too seriously
and cries at the drop of a hat
I try so hard
but sometimes it's not enough to me
I love him,
he loves me,
at least most of the time.
Sometimes I think
he may wish I was someone else,
someone sweeter,
nicer,
nothing like me
but then he says he loves me
and I forget those thoughts
and I know he does
just sometimes I don't love myself

I'm here.
I'm there.
I'm unwanted.
Unneeded.
I don't feel wanted
I don't feel needed
I don't feel okay
I don't feel ******* anything but sadness
and love

Fire, fire, orange, tall, and bright
Symblance of desire and passion true
When fed by love, potential reach full height.
When we look for knowledge, we learn we knew.
The fire goes out when the clock strikes twelve
the fire's life goes out like the sun at night
Desire found during a dungeon delve,
the fire of life will brighten our blights.
The shock of sadness and grief dims our lights,
makes us worry that we are not alright.
The cold sets in, and reality bites,
the night outs us out, like a firefight.
Our longest lives are fire, tried and true,
we are all fires, even me and you.

Little bird in the snow
broken wings
middle of nowhere
just like me
broken
ruffled
confused
no one to find her
no one to save
can't fly
too cold to chirp
how can you fly
with broken wings?

A sweet embrace in the kitchen,
A stolen kiss in the hallway
A head buried in a chest on Thursday
With a peck on the forehead

I love you a little more each day
with the small things,
the sweet things you say.
Your little giggle,
on a cold December day,
warms up my heart
and makes me wild

The way you touch me,
it drives me insane.
Leaves my mind whirling
like a hurricane.
Teases, whispered words
Hickeys show territory
Sweet kisses leaving marks
Moans filling your ears

I love you more and more each day
for all things things you do and say,
I hope you see
just how much you mean to me
A freestyle poem tugs at your heart,
because we are a poem,
barely past the start.
Words with a story to tell
but only we know the meaning
we keep our hearts beating
We are a poem
Perverse, joyous, in love
We are a poem
without a means to an end
we are a poem,
only just began.

I need you to understand
that I need you,
and your hands
your kisses,
your love
I need you to understand
you're my world

I need you to understand
we're all a broken mess
made of pieces of each other's
broken souls
mismatched,
like an old grandmother's quilt

I need you to understand
I'm only me
not less, not more
I want to stay yours

I need you to understand
I love you
I want to spend my life with you
and your beautiful eyes
and amazing personality
soft hands,
loving kisses,
everything about you
I just love it
The hues of your eyes
are prettier than any skies
any forests
doused in rain
any words
filled with pain
If they're yours,
they're mine
we are intertwined
with love,
with care,
with your fingers in my hair

I need you to understand
I get too attached
I need you to understand
I love you
more than I could ever love myself
or any other catch
I love you more
than pineapples on  a shelf
I love you more
than you love yourself
I love you more
than plants need rain
I love you more
than I have shame
I need you to understand
all of these things

intertwined souls
hands clasped tight
caring eyes
and a night less bright
arms around my waist
my head in your chest
one heart less broken
one heart more healed
one smile much brighter
two people in love,
Cupid's sweet meal

I write to show
I write to feel
What do I feel?
Even I don't know.

When you're with me,
I feel no pain,
I feel loved,
Wanted again.
I wish I could say that for more than a few.
But I'm content if it's just you.
Your hands, they leave me breathless
Your kisses, they leave me wanting more
Your love, it makes me crave you
in a million different forms.

What happened to a mother's love
What happened to a mother's faith
What happened to kisses at night,
an "I love you" now and then
What happened to "I'm proud of you"
Not another demand,
not another command
Not another choosing sides.
I'm your daughter
Maybe not your favorite,
maybe not what you wanted your girl to be
But I'm still supposed to be your daughter
Your "spitting image"
but now all I am it seems
is a disappointment,
someone not in your dreams

Kisses from an angel

Love like a fire
and we're feeding the flame

Desire and passion
Lava is our blood

Bodies one on one
Intertwined

It seems all I write about is you
but you, you're always on my mind
I never meant to fall in love with you
but I did
Then I never meant to hurt you
but I did
I never want to see those tears again
I'd do anything for you,
my baby.
I can't thank you enough for everything you do for me
I can't thank you enough for loving me
I can write, and write,
I could write for ages and still never get you out of my mind
You're my world and more
And I'm realizing that now
I need you
I told myself I'd never let you complete me
but you do, you're my better half
I found love in the tall quiet sophomore
You hold my hand the way you hold my heart
You kiss me the way the sun kisses skin
Warm, caring, pure, beautiful
You hug me like you're never going to let go
I love you with every fiber of my being
If I was one to pray, I would thank anything holy
for giving me you, for letting me meet you
I'd change a lot of things since then
but I just hope you still love me,
the way you always have
I hope you can still see the girl I was before
Nothing about me has changed,
I'm still that girl
I just hope you love me,
and you don't have to force it
ever again
I could title this anything
I could leave a mark on anyone but I don't need that
The only one I'll ever need is you

Happiness is a rainy day
Happiness is soft teddy bears
Happiness is your forehead kisses,
and the way you always put a smile on my face
Happiness is laying with you
Happiness is looking into your eyes and seeing life
Happiness is pineapples,
and loud music,
Happiness is tiny kittens,
Happiness is your favorite sport ,
long naps,
tight hugs
Happiness is your lips on mine,
your presence by my side
Happiness is me
Happiness is you
Happiness is us

Some people might say I write too much about you
but you're my world and I tell you that a lot
I'm sorry I ask you if you love me,
I know you do
With that smile of yours that lights up everything
your eyes that smile even when you're not
you're sleeping right now but you're obviously in my thoughts
You're not just another person with another name
Not someone without their claim to fame
You have a laugh that's contagious
and a love that's unreal

Sometimes you have to be lost
in order to find the answer
Sometimes, you have to be wrong
in order to know what's right
You're going to follow bad advice
You're going to make mistakes
You're going to deal with pain
and one day, you'll find that rain
can make rainbows
You just have to find your sunshine

I don't deserve it
but I love that you love me
I know I don't act like it
or tell you enough
but God.. I love you.
I can't tell you the joy I have in my heart.
I'm glad you gave me this chance.
I'm trying not to **** up
I know I'm a bad girlfriend
I know I'm hard to love
I get annoying, and I'm not that fun to be around
I take things too harshly sometimes
I know we're always going to have our ups and downs
but I love you.
and your green eyes
your fluffy hair and your freckles
you're so cute and sweet
and I love it when you sing
Your messy handwriting
and I'm proud of you
for everything
I know I don't act like it but I love you so much
I'm a clingy person
and I love your hugs
and your kisses
You're amazing in so many ways, and please don't leave me

I can see a world in your eyes
one that no one will understand

I know you don't want to hear this right now
or ever, for a matter of fact,
at least maybe not from me
but I want to tell you, and maybe you'll eventually see this
I love you
and I'm so proud of you
I miss you a lot
God if I could go back to March
and fix everything,
make it right, treat you the way you deserve
I would
but I can't
and I know you don't believe me and I wouldn't either
I don't know why I'm still so stuck on you

If I could go back to August
and if it made you better
to never meet me,
I'd make it that way
I'd never answer your messages,
Third period would be a nonexistent memory

If I could go back to every time I've hurt you
If I could punch myself in the ******* face
If I could change a lot of things
the main one being me
I'd fix it all
I want to ******* change
but even then
this is never going to be okay again will it?
or is that just me?

You're a rainy day
You can be warm, you can  be cold
You can flood, you're a storm
You're a beautiful danger
a sight to behold
You can make a mess
I can see the lightning in your eyes
The sparks that electrify the night
You can be deadly,
with your kisses and your stare
You can be a breath of fresh air
You can be calming,
You can be unpredictable
but let me just tell you
you may be a rainy day
but rainy days are my favorite days

Welcome to my conscience
Where I get lost,
Graffiti-like words swirling
turning grey, black, monochrome
Where everything turns negative
Where everything is dead,
field of wilted roses
dead daisies
one lone living sunflower
that I call hope
the colors of the rainbow
Red, for love, dulling yet strong
Orange, for happiness, flashing in, fading out
Yellow, for intelligence
Green, for purity and growth
Blue, for trust, the strongest, the brightest
Indigo, for addiction, the one I have to you
And violet. The only color that's almost invisible
The color of fulfillment.
Wrapping around in streaks of color
like watercolor on blinding white paper
This is my conscience
Filled with words unspoken, unwritten
Images of my own
Memories of you coming in flashes
Memories of me coming in short bursts
This is my conscience
this is my mind
Come back any time

sometimes
I think I'm doing better
sometimes
you leave my mind
sometimes
i think I shouldn't be around
sometimes
I go through old messages
sometimes
I miss you
sometimes
I sleep too much
sometimes
I dream too big
sometimes
I see why people leave
sometimes
I wish people didn't love me
and other times I don't think they do
but always will I wonder
why I'm here

We are held down
by chains of fear
we seem to think we should be picture perfect
but perfection is just an idea
it isn't real
we don't realize we are our own saviours
we could have the world in our hands
and we do
we have our own world
it is ours,
we are people
we are the only determining point of our lives
we control us
we're not all the same
but sometimes?
You have to break chains
punch your fear in the gut
walk on
whether you're alone or not

What if I told you
your eyes are the prettiest colour?
I could get lost in them
like a fox in a forest

You hold my heart in your hands
through all the things we've been
You could take it,
clench your hand,
and let the pieces drop away
or you could hold it.
Do what you wish,
it is yours.
I could stare into your eyes forever and a day
I could hold your hand until my wrist breaks
I could kiss you until the day we're dead
I could love you until the end of time
We'll never know
Maybe we're too young
Maybe your heart is elsewhere
Just know my heart you hold,
my gaze you keep,
my thoughts you occupy,
my dreams you wander.

There will always be a voice
that tells me that
I'm stupid for failing a test...
I'm dumb for worrying pointlessly...
That I'll never be loved...
and everyone hates me..
That I'm ugly and imperfect..
I'm worthless...
too ugly, too stupid, too shy...
too mentally unstable...
that I'm just making up social anxiety...
and the depression...
I hold on to little things
comments made years ago
things said in anger
Things that I've done
that I regret, everyone
bite my hand until it bleeds
wonder if I should go jump  in the water
I think I should be dead.
just another day of losing my head?
I'm a sister and a daughter
a friend and an enemy
but here I am,
wallowing in self-pity.
Pessimistic,
breathing but not too sure I'm living
just existing,
and wondering if I shouldn't.