Ever since I heard of you
You slowly started to fade
But I was tortured by you
You made me feel evil

Bad thought- bad person
That's what you taught me
Question existence
Straight to Hell
That’s what you taught me

My mind exploded
And you were removed
Nothing to fear
Externally, at least

No more mind control
Free as I will be
Trapped in the walls of
My own mind

At least you kept me grounded

The day my mind exploded
Was the day I knew my heart
Had imploded

Memories suppressed
Became memories
Forever present in my conscious

I love you
Your intensity, insanity,
Your imperfections

I long for you
I dream of you
Dreams replace my reality

In dream world
I feel your loving kiss on
My lips and heart

My heart is locked
And you hold the key

To fall in love with someone else would mean I would have to fall out of love with him and I do not want that. I just sit here and rot.

I can imagine what it was like
To be of no existence in this world
Pure darkness, that is all
No thought or person to disturb me

No sense of self
Nothing to criticize
No one to taint
Nothing to attach to

I wait and wait to be reunited
With what I was before my beginning
I crave for my body to shrivel into just bones

Devour every last piece
Please, allow no chance of resurrection
Thank you

If I was rational
I would not be here
I would be decaying in the ground
Limbs being devoured one by one

That is what I truly crave…
Deep down inside of my so-called existence
My existence has plagued me
And showed me what I am

I cannot decide when I leave
So, to cope in this hell
I convince myself that
I have a friend in the sky

That cares for my soul
As I am incapable
A quick, egotistical thought

Only a fool could believe in
Such benevolence
Up in the dear sky

Innocent infants tortured
“Schitzos” as test subjects
Slavery created by us

But oh, we are so deserving
Look at what you are from
Are you proud?

When the day of judgment comes
Tell me, were you worthy?

But don’t fret
We all did it

I am setting this free
This sullying feeling that
Seems to surround us when-
Ever we conjoin paths

I’ll miss parts of you,
The parts that attracted
Me to you early on
Not the disturbances that
Crept out and cleared up
This illusion

Now you might say
I am not who I
Pretended to be
And that to you
I am tainted

Fine, I can be that
I am anything
You perceive me as
But you see,

It does not matter
This naïve view you hold
Because to me,
I am a free bird…

But, try not to think too hard
I was just a figment
Of your imagination
I do not exist

I often ponder the word “love”
“an intense feeling of deep affection”
by definition

I find it peculiar that such a word exists
Love cannot be broken down into words
But, love can break you down into nothing

I often ponder a word for feeling nothing
Apathetic, numb, dead?
How it feels to be dead on the inside?
Depressed.