she woke up in a white room with florescent lights blinding her once sleeping eyes

fluids being pumped through needles into her veins trying desperately to keep her alive

steady beeping from monitors tracking the trickling life she tried so hard to end

body numb from the drugs being flushed through her, but she can feel her foot on the pedal launching her straight when the road took a bend

and the doctor he asked her "do you know where you are"

she choked out "i'm in hell because i'm alone and alive, so far"

s.s

there are some things
i have only told
the endless sky
alone at night

for i have secrets
so dark
that only the black sky
and all of her stars
could handle

s.s

the seconds turned to minutes, those minutes turned into hours, and then eventually days, weeks, and months.
I could see all of the time passing, sprinting past me like I was in a race with time, but I was always falling too far behind.
Time got faster and the faster I fell, deeper and deeper into the darkness, and now I have caught up with time.
With that I have caught up with everything I suppressed deep down, time will always win the race of how long I can suppress memories.

You are still here, but you're not.
You are a memory, added to the collection of memories I already have inside.
But the memory of you feels different, the memory of you feels like home.
It makes me feel some type of way, maybe it's just my foolish and broken heart.
But the you I hold so close to my heart, that you is home and this you, the you that is not a memory,
that you wouldn't hold me in a warm embrace when I cry over your memory in my mind.

giving someone your best
and it still not being good enough
feels like surrendering your universe
along with everything you have
for them only to see a dead star
and empty space

s.s