It settles inside
And around me,
Flooding every single corner
Every deep crevice--
Reaching every single piece
Broken away,
Shattered within...

In slow waves
It washes over all of me,
In soft currents
It reaches deep inside of me;
Carefully caressing
Every part of me that aches
For your phantom touch...

__

I lay here in the quiet depths,
Waiting for the blackness
Within and without..
Unleash the monster from my nightmare
And devour every fragment
Of my beaten, bleeding soul...

Bleeding through moments
Spent alone and lost

Sinking in thoughts
That fill my heart with frost

Dreading another sunrise
Another day to live through

Enduring this bitter loneliness
While I try to find my way to you

I am tired of feeling lost
Being left behind;
I am sick of mourning
While presenting my silence...

I wait for my iron blood
To thicken and freeze;
My veins, my heart
Too stiff to feel again--

I wait for cold numbness
To dull my aching eyes;
To release my soul
From merciless compassion.

I wait to draw a breath
In freedom, in selfishness;
Untainted by their expectations
If only one, if only once...

Till my madness consumes me.

Darkness
So true, all their false lights sputter out;
Feeble and annoying

Claws
So long, I can reach the core of their being
With just a scratch

Teeth
So sharp, I can see who they are within
And without, just by smiling at them

Heart
So strong, I can bear the sad loneliness
When they see who I am and run

Blank pages,
Doubtful thoughts,
Lonely nights,
Painful sighs...

Bound in my silence,
Starved for touch,
Gasping for warmth,
Trapped behind a screen.

The walls
Will soon
Claim
My soul.

Nights like this...

When my feelings pull me down
And I spiral into the crushing abyss
Of loneliness, abandonment and loss...

That's when I need someone else...
A soft caress, a call to come back
To ground me, like a lifeline - to anchor me
And stop me drowning--
So I don't drift off into memory and sadness...

The only thing that person from my future needs to know,
Is that I love dancing...

I could devour your heart
But I chose to hold it with care
Like soft petals, velveteen in my mind

I could scare you to death
But I chose to hide all that I'm made of
Like sharp daggers, wrapped in silken scarves

I could shatter your grip on reality
But I chose to respect your sanity
Like silent truths, hidden in stories untold

See my gritted teeth of sincere control
Notice my disquiet eyes aflame with agony
And don't ignore my scars from wearing another skin

It's been too long, way too long
I close my eyes and breathe in slowly,
It feels alien, other-ly--

A warmth washes over me...
'I made it this far...'