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Jan 9 · 31
The little things
Shruti Atri Jan 9
I liked today...

I had a peaceful rest,
Carefree laughs,
And held hands
With someone who cares

It may happen again,
But I want to remain with this feeling,
Just for a little longer...

I hope I like tomorrow as well.
Dec 2021 · 219
Click
Shruti Atri Dec 2021
Capturing a moment,
To keep it as remembrance;
A light to run to,
When all else
Falls to dark...

Sometimes to share,
Sometimes to treasure;
For everyone's eyes
Or my heart only to feel...

I'll find you again
To feel happiness,
And warmth;
To be wanted again-
And be reminded of love...
Sometimes we capture the parts of our lives we want to treasure.
Maybe we want to sometimes feel our moments, our joys rather than view them from a screen.
And maybe, we already share most of our precious moments with the people who treasure us.
Dec 2021 · 438
Reading
Shruti Atri Dec 2021
To be haunted
By voices of people
I have known,
But will never meet;

To be drawn
Into worlds
I have explored,
But will never see;

The sheer emotion of reading,
Magnifies and withers across each page;
With ink tearing into our hearts,
Leaving us yearning at each epilogue...
Dec 2021 · 80
Reminiscence
Shruti Atri Dec 2021
The light is dimming:
Every year, hour, minute
Slowly passes in silence
In distances, lost and forgotten

The light is dying:
Slowly fading in memories
Revisited countless times
By lonely, wrinkled hearts

The light snuffs out:
Tears of regret staining young hearts
Seeking forgiveness for time lost
Words unspoken, love neglected
Dec 2021 · 81
Hope
Shruti Atri Dec 2021
The light filters through
The cracks of my broken heart,
Crumbling in loneliness;
Decay, eating at the corners;
Within and without...

Slowly the end creeps closer,
Tormenting my tired soul
With memories and nightmares;
Staining my thoughts with hope
To try to live, breathe a little while longer.
Dec 2021 · 124
Spaces 2.0
Shruti Atri Dec 2021
In the spaces between
The seconds passing by,
My running heartbeats,
My soul and my mind;
I shall love you always...
For Diva
Shruti Atri Dec 2021
I am afraid...
Of closing the space in-between,
To read into words unspoken;
Feel emotions raging, left unexpressed,
Listen to aches ignored.

I am afraid--
Of basking in stolen smiles,
To see eyes shining, hopeful even in the dark;
Witness hurt borne behind iron resolve,
Absorb the tenderness of love unrequited.

Everyone I meet is beautiful,
But I am afraid to look at anyone anymore...
Aug 2021 · 271
Truths forgotten
Shruti Atri Aug 2021
That moment of absolute clarity,
When you can feel
The truths you have always known-
Fit in with perspective
Right down to your bones...

Like a forgotten thought, so familiar
Snaps into place and knocks off your breath;
A weight heavier than Time
Settling on your ancient soul-
Reminding you of your fleeting existence...

We are living through
The consequences of our history;
The light as well as darker shades of humanity
Let's not add to the burdens
Our children will carry someday...
Aug 2021 · 465
The pressure
Shruti Atri Aug 2021
It feels unbounded,
expanded beyond wrinkles,
hammered by swinging pendulums;
hardened, with time slipping by...

I feel bound
by forgotten promises,
lost and unfounded;
with tearful, tired eyes.

In the dark, I find words I can barely see,
feelings I can barely contain;
falling through the cracks,
overwhelmed with disdain...

I see no end to this depthless void...
Jul 2021 · 140
They don't get to see it
Shruti Atri Jul 2021
You think I am a happy person...

I know I dont trust you enough
To show you my pain.

--

She wears a smile
And shares her warmth,
She wipes her tears
And hides her scars;

You see the rainbow she exudes,
Because she doesn't trust you--
With her festering darkness
And the thunderstorm she survived.

She hides her demons
Behind masks of her strength,
And iron will--
While they devour her from within;

You will never get to see it,
She will never let you in...
No one will have the power
To hurt her - never again.
When you try to heal yourself, but bandage yourself too tight and can't move anymore..
You must relearn to trust again.
Jul 2021 · 110
Death by band-aid
Shruti Atri Jul 2021
When you wrap your heart so safely
To save it from the dark
And your spark snuffs out
Jul 2021 · 122
Hello Dearie
Shruti Atri Jul 2021
Do you know that feeling?
Of deep certainty...
Knowing the truth in your bones.

It anchors you,
Grounds you to yourself.
You feel assured and confident
Of your choices and decisions...

I wish I could feel it again...
...

All hope is dead.
Arm yourself with confidence
Jul 2021 · 110
The healing
Shruti Atri Jul 2021
Breathe,
Slowly open yourself
To that blinding pain...

You're scared
Of removing the bandage;
That quick fix of dissociation-
A welcome escape
From your crashed reality.

It terrifies you
That you might bleed out,
Or find something worse;
A festered wound
Incapable of healing...

You've closed your eyes
But the world hasn't fallen away;
The clock still ticks
And you need to heal and move on,
To the next chapter waiting to be read...

Overcome the pain you fear,
Find yourself in your darkness
And breathe--

Slowly
Open yourself,
To the balm of healing...
Take the time and space you need to heal
Jul 2021 · 115
Unmoving
Shruti Atri Jul 2021
The stars are beautiful,
And I miss your light...

I am drowning in silence,
Beaten down senseless;
Spirit and soul waning,
Shrouded in brokenness...

As I lay shattered,
The light you brought has scattered;
Like escaped breaths
Lost in the shadows of regret.

I want to move again,
To feel again,
To sing again;
Joyful, with a beating heart.

From a time flown past,
That is now ashen,
Pale and bloodless,
Shards poking a forgotten ghost...

Another year has passed,
I am a shadow of a dream,
Treading alone on a darkening path,
As time walks across the sky...

The stars are shining brightly
But I still miss your light...
Dear Diva..I miss you always
Jul 2021 · 531
Breathe
Shruti Atri Jul 2021
Why don't we have scars
For feeling too deeply?

No broken ribs
No punctured lungs
And yet, not an easy breath...

--

I want to blink out the stars
And let the blackness fall upon me

To forget this crippling despair
And breathe freely again...
For those who need a reminder: Mental health is important
Jul 2021 · 28
Silent scars
Shruti Atri Jul 2021
I bleed out
In unheard breaths

Empty sobs
And silent scars

Without a hand
Warm to touch
Not arms
Strong enough to hold
My life, my mind, my faith...
From a habit of being silent
Jul 2021 · 38
Run
Shruti Atri Jul 2021
Run
I run from end to end,
chased away at every bend;
I fall and I falter
and for my faults I alter
my self...

it is their say that decides,
whether a monster resides
in my soul...

A soul that is played
For my innocence is slayed--
they laugh at their profanity,
the ***** dogs, the *******;
the masterminds behind my insanity...

...
Dealing with demons within...
Jul 2021 · 123
Drowning
Shruti Atri Jul 2021
It settles inside
And around me,
Flooding every single corner
Every deep crevice--
Reaching every single piece
Broken away,
Shattered within...

In slow waves
It washes over all of me,
In soft currents
It reaches deep inside of me;
Carefully caressing
Every part of me that aches
For your phantom touch...

__

I lay here in the quiet depths,
Waiting for the blackness
Within and without..
Unleash the monster from my nightmare
And devour every fragment
Of my beaten, bleeding soul...
From a time when I struggled with being confined in an emotional trap...
Jul 2021 · 329
Bitter sunrise
Shruti Atri Jul 2021
Bleeding through moments
Spent alone and lost

Sinking in thoughts
That fill my heart with frost

Dreading another sunrise
Another day to live through

Enduring this bitter loneliness
While I try to find my way to you
Jul 2021 · 99
A single breath
Shruti Atri Jul 2021
I am tired of feeling lost
Being left behind;
I am sick of mourning
While presenting my silence...

I wait for my iron blood
To thicken and freeze;
My veins, my heart
Too stiff to feel again--

I wait for cold numbness
To dull my aching eyes;
To release my soul
From merciless compassion.

I wait to draw a breath
In freedom, in selfishness;
Untainted by their expectations
If only one, if only once...

Till my madness consumes me.
Sep 2020 · 116
What do I really want...
Shruti Atri Sep 2020
Darkness
So true, all their false lights sputter out;
Feeble and annoying

Claws
So long, I can reach the core of their being
With just a scratch

Teeth
So sharp, I can see who they are within
And without, just by smiling at them

Heart
So strong, I can bear the sad loneliness
When they see who I am and run
They always run away...
Aug 2020 · 286
The Trap
Shruti Atri Aug 2020
Blank pages,
Doubtful thoughts,
Lonely nights,
Painful sighs...

Bound in my silence,
Starved for touch,
Gasping for warmth,
Trapped behind a screen.

The walls
Will soon
Claim
My soul.
Stay safe.
Jun 2020 · 223
Feeling
Shruti Atri Jun 2020
Nights like this...

When my feelings pull me down
And I spiral into the crushing abyss
Of loneliness, abandonment and loss...

That's when I need someone else...
A soft caress, a call to come back
To ground me, like a lifeline - to anchor me
And stop me drowning--
So I don't drift off into memory and sadness...

The only thing that person from my future needs to know,
Is that I love dancing...
The call for release is thrumming in my veins...
May 2020 · 216
Anger resolved
Shruti Atri May 2020
I could devour your heart
But I chose to hold it with care
Like soft petals, velveteen in my mind

I could scare you to death
But I chose to hide all that I'm made of
Like sharp daggers, wrapped in silken scarves

I could shatter your grip on reality
But I chose to respect your sanity
Like silent truths, hidden in stories untold

See my gritted teeth of sincere control
Notice my disquiet eyes aflame with agony
And don't ignore my scars from wearing another skin

It's been too long, way too long
I close my eyes and breathe in slowly,
It feels alien, other-ly--

A warmth washes over me...
'I made it this far...'
May 2020 · 199
Unfeeling
Shruti Atri May 2020
Charred
From flames past
Stunned into silence
By their selfishness,
anger,
detachment,
indifference...

He hears their voices
screeching
his name--
The void awakening
to consume
his sanity

He whispers,
defeated,
"Can I steal
my Self away
from this world now please?"
“Dark, unfeeling and unloving powers determine human destiny.” - Freud
Aug 2019 · 172
Shimmer and dust
Shruti Atri Aug 2019
Like glitter in my veins
It slowly moves
Closer and closer
Further and further
Thump ba-thump

Like poison in my heart
It spreads
Slow and steady
Numbing me,
Rocking me gently
To a sleepless slumber

Like hope in my soul
It shines through
Bright and warm
Like shimmer
Aglow in the sun's gaze

Yet, my heart rests, unmoved
Like undisturbed dust
In a house
Where no one lives
Deserted and forgotten
From wanting to feel something to feeling all at once...
Aug 2019 · 615
For friendships
Shruti Atri Aug 2019
Let's walk together
This fine line
Of love and hate

Let's find each other
A profound joy
To replicate

Let's learn and love
And laugh with joy
As the world around us dissolves

Let's carry our hearts
And heal through the pain
As our love slowly evolves
To friends who love with their whole heart
Aug 2019 · 318
Aching contradictions
Shruti Atri Aug 2019
We walked hand in hand today
We walked carefully, not touching

We laughed and cried together, baring our souls
We rarely spoke, exchanging silent glances

We didn't inch apart, growing closer and closer
We felt achingly closer, though apart

We met each other, one on one
No matter our company, I could only see you
A strange Eclipse of happiness
Aug 2019 · 206
My words are fading...
Shruti Atri Aug 2019
I wonder where
Have my words gone

Falling short of thoughts
Struggling to find something to say
I achingly try to articulate
Stopping mid sentence--

I miss the poems
The ballads, the prose
The words that flew
From pain, from joy
To sorrowful dark and light jest

I fear I will lose myself
Soon enough...

Will you still speak to me--
Will anyone still speak of me--
When I have nothing to say?
When I have nothing to give?
From a scary place
Aug 2019 · 110
Can't think of a title
Shruti Atri Aug 2019
I can't think
Can't catch a wink
I can't write
My mind's not right

But the ink won't let me sleep
The voices pull me deep
I hear the words in a dull hum
Like whispers making me numb

There's a place deep inside
Where my monsters reside
I feel a deep sense of dread
All I see is red

All green is gold
All gold is dead
All good is dead
Something I wrote a while back
Aug 2019 · 325
All my joy...
Shruti Atri Aug 2019
It hasn't been the same...

The nights are darker
Stained with nightmares
My days blur together
In motionless decay

The day has dawned
My light has blown out
Everything good is gone
All green was gold, now black

All my joy is with you
It truly hasn't been the same anymore...
Shruti Atri Aug 2019
I don't know why I don't write anymore
Typing these words out is now suffocating
Like I'm not living them anymore
They're a shadow of my feelings
That are expansive and depthless

I don't know why I can't write anymore
The words escape and falter
In scatter plots across my tired mind
My soul aches to bleed, battered by blind numbness
But the bandages I have put on it are so tight

I see why I can't write anymore
I can't let them open my bandages
I don't want my wounds to tear open again
I am terrified of what I will feel
Of all that I will feel
The expansive and depthless abyss
Of sadness I am keeping at bay

Nothing has been the same since I lost her

But how long will this unfeelingness last?

Will I survive feeling whole again?
Oct 2017 · 737
You're not alone
Shruti Atri Oct 2017
Can you remember who you were?
Before?
Who you could have been now?
Can you imagine the voices,
The ones in your head,
Going away?

Do you wish the colors dimmed
And faded out like the miserable happiness,
Bleached out of your yesterdays?

Do you cry and mourn
In bursts of silence,
When the voices are back?

I know they change you,
They capture your mind
And throw havoc everywhere!
Driving you through stars
While darkening your sight.

The days can't be closer apart,
Nights can't be brighter.
People can't leave faster,
Cz you're only waiting
To drive them away.

They're only waiting
To drive them away.

**Yes, they're the same voices
In my head too...
I wrote this a while ago, when I needed someone to tell me I don't need to be by myself.
Today the most precious person in my life told me, "Don't suffer alone". It helped me more than he will ever know.
If you relate to these words, I'd like you to know you don't need to either.
Oct 2017 · 291
Dead Weight
Shruti Atri Oct 2017
I saw the clouds
In the moonlit night,
Dark and flimsy
Moonlight shining through.

They looked so sad,
Engulfed in the dark sky.
Taking form
Of the whispering monsters:
My slumbering nightmares,
Quitely growling in my mind.

They were mourning
The death of daylight,
As the moon roared bright;
Soaring through the sky
To meet my eyes.

My vision raged through the sky,
All the way home, seeking rest;
Yet the clouds, forgotten,
Stayed unmoving
Still, high up in the sky;
Like their dead kin
In hushed smoking rooms,
Stuck and stranded;
Held prisoner
To the silent endless black.
In sad, starving human minds...
Jul 2017 · 513
The beast is me...
Shruti Atri Jul 2017
I feel a presence inside of me
The presence is not a part of me

I carry an ache in my chest
The ache demands that I surrender and rest

There is a darkness in my eyes
It was fed by your deceit and your lies

I found my memories that I'd lost
That night, you paid your cost

Don't look for my heart, its eaten by the beast
*It lives in me, where I can hurt it least
May 2016 · 3.7k
Consumption
Shruti Atri May 2016
In their darkness they grew,
Like shadows,
Reaching for a deeper Hell;
In their blackness they grew,
Bound together,
As they stood by the other's side;
Destroying each other--
Bit by bit...

*Devouring each other--
Bite
by
bite...
I wrote this while thinking of Bellatrix's love for Voldemort...
Mar 2016 · 577
Mayhem
Shruti Atri Mar 2016
I close my eyes
and open them;
I think I saw the world end.

The death, destruction
The thick scent of mayhem;
We thirst for blood as our hearts pretend.

The air is heavy
With hate and lust;
We scatter our anger, we break our trust.

Our war has broken
Our world's crust;
Our swords are smeared in blood and rust.

They turn the truth
In their run for fame;
We all fall down in the pit of shame.

The bitterness shakes,
As our resolve is untamed;
*We are but pawns, to die in their game...
Mar 2016 · 1.4k
Semantics
Shruti Atri Mar 2016
With every day that passes,
They say we grow into someone else;
But we have a person inside of us,
Who we meet every time we wake.
It's the person you speak to
Right before you sleep at night,
That conscious mind you coexist with;
The voice that speaks to you,
That lives in you...

*We simply become our true selves again...
Feb 2016 · 1.0k
Her Will...
Shruti Atri Feb 2016
She is dead,
Now I am free;
She had a will
And her eyes on me.
Her will had strings,
But can't you see,
I tore her strings
And I broke free...

She fought me hard,
But still she fell;
She kept me in,
While I gave her hell.
I was her nightmare
She'd never tell;
As weak she was,
She loved him well.

Her will is dead,
And so is she;
The one she protected,
Is no more free--
The one she hid,
Is now exposed;
The one she loved,
Will be disposed.

It cannot be,
She shares my stage;
She cheated death,
And turned the page--
She's alive inside,
Fighting the wars I wage;
She did not die,
*She's crying in the birdcage...
Feb 2016 · 1.5k
The Bullshit List
Shruti Atri Feb 2016
I quit
your ******* list
a long time ago...
Feb 2016 · 1.1k
Just Moon-y things...
Shruti Atri Feb 2016
The ride of the tide,
A change in its shape,
It's soft glow in the dark...

It seeks the blackness
*And consumes it.
Feb 2016 · 539
Read between the lines...
Shruti Atri Feb 2016
My walls are crumbling,
My world shakes,
And Shatters in shards;
The stones they fall,
Raining down on my dreams,
As I find my throat and scream.

I thought of you today,
Of how you hurt me,
Of how I left you.
The days we loved,
And when I cried;
The days we stayed away,
*When I could finally find my smile...
Feb 2016 · 630
Spaces
Shruti Atri Feb 2016
There is a deep space
In the corners of our minds,
Where our hearts dwell,
Solemnly, and in silence.
Patiently, the stillness draws closer,
The feeling recedes,
As all awareness is numbed.

The quietness takes hold,
We are asleep
And alone,
All on our own;
And we meet ourselves,
See what we've never known--
The darkness inside
That gives way to the light,
That shines from within us,
Like moonlight slowly caressing
The earth,
Consoling it,
To not fear the darkness
Of space.

We awaken then
To realize,
What we hold within us,
The energy,
The positivity,
To overcome,
To strive forward
And move on the path
That would lead
Simple beings like us
To *greatness...
Jan 2016 · 2.8k
My Mask
Shruti Atri Jan 2016
There is a sleep
That beckons to me:
Takes hold of my soul.

There is an ache
That deepens the wound:
Tears open a hole in my heart.

There is a mask
That stays on my tongue;
My self
And in my eyes,
So they know I haven't fallen apart,
*Just yet...
Jan 2016 · 1.4k
The most selfish act
Shruti Atri Jan 2016
It was selfish of her
To leave.
She needed the change;
Had to move,
Having been stuck so long
She felt suppressed,
And so depressed.
She just needed to leave,
But where could she start?

He was easiest to leave,
The most convenient to cut off;
He didn't hold on,
He didn't even try.
She didn't know,
Was she angry
That it was easy for her to leave?
Or that he didn't even try to stop it?

But she had to leave,
The reasons didn't matter,
The semantics were moot,
Whether he wanted her to,
Or he didn't--
Whether she wanted to,
Or she didn't want him to let her;
Nothing mattered.

It was truly selfish of her
To leave.
She had to fly
And he made it easy for her
To leave him behind...
Shruti Atri Jan 2016
She takes a breath;
A big one--
The kind that lifts her chest
Reaches her stomach.

She holds herself,
Steady little birdy,
5, 6, 7, 8...
Then unleashes
All of her raw wild grace;
As they sit in awe
Of the most beautiful animal
She brings before them.

She embodies the maelstroms,
The typhoons, the hurricanes,
That have destroyed so many,
As she devastates her audience
In subliminal bliss.
She is purely a creature of light;
A force of nature, so absolute,
So fragile;
She could break herself,
Have the world shatter
In but a flex...

The melody
Of her expression will run out soon.
As the last few bars thunder down,
She recedes;
Her energy smashed
And scattered
With those who saw her
When she was in her space,
Where they could not touch her
Or her spirit.
They were helpless in the face
Of her fire--
So hot, so bright,
It blazed in the brilliance
Of a thousand suns,
Before the last flame of the candle
Lost it's light...
Not with a bang, but a whimper

A coldness takes hold,
She realizes she has to come back
To their world.
She will miss
Her own little dimension
Where she is Queen;
Her space where she can fly,
Where she can move mountains,
And reign over thunderstorms...

The curtains start to draw
As she prepares to leave the stage,
Taking hold of the memories made
Only to be forgotten and remembered;
Thinking of her time in the sun,
She takes a last breath
And bows out.
Her grace, now a dim memory
Forgotten, only to be remembered
In these eternal phrases,
*When you read them.
Jan 2016 · 560
Elemental truth
Shruti Atri Jan 2016
You want to fly,
The wind whistling through your hair;
You want to climb, the tallest peak
And stare down the horror of falling;
You want to hear
The sweet melody of life and love,
Touch with sinful lust
All that you wish--
The pages you ache to fill
Pouring out your heart
In ink, bleeding, as words.
You want to swim.
You want to run.
The water, it calls to your soul;
The fire burns away your fear,
Hesitation crumbling in ash.
But you don't move,
You're stuck.

*Do you remember
Who you were,
Before they told you
Who you should be?
Sep 2015 · 1.1k
Lost and found
Shruti Atri Sep 2015
If I ever get where I want to be,
I'd like to be forgotten,
To never be recognized;
To just exist without an existence...
So that I can feel alive where I stand
With every breath, sound, touch;
So that I can witness the world
In all it's entirety
Without standing behind a screen of an identity...
To taste the colors with my eyes
And appreciate the eternity of the world
Without a barrier of an illusioned existence--
*For I won't exist any more,
And all barriers would, therefore, have been forfeit..
Aug 2015 · 717
The Sadism of Love
Shruti Atri Aug 2015
You hold the reins I wear,
I feel my skin blister in tear;
My heart lies in your hand,
My breath escapes your palm like sand.

You tied the reins that hold me back,
You didn't believe that I'd follow your track;
My love succumbs to cold despair,
This loneliness you can't repair.

I'm distorted here beside you,
I can see you're afraid of whats inside you;
The beasts ate your heart,
*With mine ruined, now we'll never part...
May 2015 · 1.5k
It hurts...
Shruti Atri May 2015
Don't hurt me anymore,
Stop clipping my wings;
Can't you see?
I'm bleeding here in agony...

The torture, the pain,
Why won't you stop?
Just leave me be...
Why can't you see the human in me?
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