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Colt Jul 2013
for Those who eat ramen by choice, or not.*

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by disillusionment,
lacking egotistical sold, dragging themselves through the hip streets at dawn
looking for a socially self-aggrandizing fix.
Poets, as they sit in desks and discuss discourse
about discourse about discourse about discourse,
who fear that thinking itself was buried with Vonnegut,
who are lost in forests of brick walls,
inviting, because they block the wind of dying fall,
who swim in cesspools filled with academic sewage, yearning for freedom,
for truth, as they always have,
mining their minds for images, and searching for words to describe
-a reality which is virtual at its core and each act, another chore./
-a scene of life which reflects all that is poignant and sacred.
Poets seek musicians while musicians seek poets.
and the dog chases its tail, endlessly
and the dog chases its tail, endlessly
and the dog chases its tail, endlessly

These poets who search aimlessly for the feeling of feeling,
who are overwhelmed with meaning to the point where meaning
has no meaning in itself.
Who claim this poem as their own and continuously write themselves into it.
It is those who suffer in truth that live the poetic.
Those who sit in front of space heaters eating peanut butter sandwiches in winter,
who sweat unknowingly in summer, comforted in each’s odor.
Those who open Macbooks while squatting in empty flats.
Signing up, logging in and zoning out, forever disengaged.
Those who type prophecy on keypads and let keyboards gather dust-
stratification, signs of long nights spent in century-old homes still not renovated,
ceilings sinking at the sides while those above pogo to punk rock long dead,
or grind genitals to old soul, simulating all that is sensual.
Those who play archaeologist to their own layers of makeup, grimed on the sink.
Those who share their food with the roaches and the mooches who all have keys,
who use the books as shelves to hold ceramic mugs, stained with a single drip-drop,
who, with arms crossed, watch bands in basements play noise.
Those who replaced their nu-metal records with folk but kept the unkempt beards.
Those who drink stale beer on stranger’s rooftops.
Those who live with bags under eyes, themselves asleep, lacking a body,
sleeping naked together to stay warm,
sleeping naked together to stay sane,
sleeping naked together to stay touched.

Those who leave coffee in unplugged automatic pots, decaying rapidly.
Those who eat pizza for breakfast, cold or microwaved, as an act of ultimate indulgence.
Those who prance about in un-matching socks
from hardwood floors to vinyl floors to tile floors, all under the same popcorn ceiling,
dancing to the sound of rhythmic silence.
Those who fight with lovers about acts, but never once mention the act of love itself.
Those who don flannel plaid in springtime color, constructing Williamsburg,
who consider gentrification a new form of landed gentry,
who live in poverty as if it were a novelty,
capitalist martyrs sacrificing employment to hide being non-hirable,
who shop in online surplus department stores for unique vintage.
Those who, who, who hoot like the owls framed on their walls, eyes wide but beaks small.
Those who are oppressed by nonexistent kings ruling in imaginary suits.
Those who crave something new, not tired-as the form of this very poem-
something which is not-yet auto-tuned.
Those who, faux-hawked and shredded, rock and bop to Bowie doing Lou
on Sunday Morning from Station to Station shooting ******,
who walk swiftly with denim skin on their legs and refuse socks.
Those who, in their rightest mind, are the wrongest-minded.
Those who can reject privilege only because they are privileged,
who, in their uniform whiteness, denounce racism,
who, in their uniform straightness, claim immune to homophobia
who, with their ***** ***** in a row, claim to be feminists.

And those who search for revolution in a time when rebellion is conformity.
Listening to the  pounding sound of blog-protesters typing n o w.
who, in claiming to accept, don’t accept the unaccepting,
who got veggies tattooed on their sides while snapping bacon in their teeth,
who ironically infiltrated asylums and performed madness until the shocks came
and they were maddened, for good, eaten alive by volts resounding
ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching.
Who sleep naked together to be together but end up being alone,
exchanges from lips that move in pretentious drone,
and the dog chases its tail, endlessly.
When the abnormal is normal and the whole structure is inverted and
heaven is here and flames under the soil are no longer hell burning for soles of the
Converse, Adidas, and Nike sneakers on the bicycle pedals of poets who ride at night,
listening to the sound of owls that question:
who?
whoo?
whooo?
Aarya  Jan 2014
For Ellen:
Aarya Jan 2014
If I could,
I would pick up my ink pen
and drown an ocean into you
instead of drowning you in it.
Extract these rotting feelings
for the sake of your ignorance.
Carve scriptures into each delicacy of your brain
so you wouldn’t have to dwell in such misery every day.
Wire faith
to your blemished heart.  
Imbue purity
to your sullied soul.
If I could,
I would write you through all depths of insanity
without any harm
so that your
mind no longer persists the thought of death.
There was a time I thought you were dead.
Only you were painted red
in a black and white world.
Like you have been walking barefoot on a broken road
your whole life.
Your demons imitate life
And life imitates the demons.
You are the one being tied down by invisible, nonexistent chains.
So unaccepting of help that has come for you
Watch  
the sun touch the horizon
reach the meeting of sun and ground
and
Find further still,
The limits you would like to reach only run from you.
You have such a murderous tongue
for society  
people.
But one day I hope to see you write yourself into existence
Rather than to let yourself drown in it.
Why has you dying become something so habitual?
Darling, death is not a friend of yours
Nor are you a friend of his.
But I know of your frequent dates with death
Tell me
Does his neck feel like happiness
And do his lips relieve you of your suffocation
Now
are you lost?
or are you found?
Do you recognize the irony  
Of the most terrifying things happening in the most angelic places
Charm yourself upon that bridge
Whose lights light up the city in golden arrays
With a glazed look
you’d think.
In sadness seen go by
You are charmed by either war or hope.
These occurred robberies have taken much
But they left opportunity
Important people
And a moon in your window
A future that only you know the ending of  
And a slice of the midnight sky.
So it goes.
Chloe Zafonte Feb 2016
We're not allowed to mention Christianity
A Muslim man discusses Allah, we can't judge.Black people have pride in themselves, so do white people .We're automatically racist and unaccepting. A man gets hired for a high paying job instead of the women.This is a case  for feminism because it's injustice. A man cheats on his partner, he has hormones.A woman cheats on her man, she's a *****! A woman is ***** she's making it up.A man is ***** no one believes him. A gay person is disliked by a certain individual .It's homophobia, a black man kills someone and the whole race is blamed, a white man kills someone he's just a ******. You say crusty old white men are making decisions about your body.Should he change his race then decide if you can reproduce? I'm eating Sushi and I'm not Asian, it's cultural appropriation and it's  offensive so only Asian people can eat at Asian restaurants? That reminds me of when segregation was going on. We have a right to our opinion but I say something I'm instantly prejudice and you don't want hear it. I made the wrong assumption now I'm a horrible person because you feel that you can monitor my thoughts. You all think that you're all for social justice but it's really going to come back and bite you in the ***.
apathy  May 2013
unaccepted
apathy May 2013
all i ever feel is unaccepted
it really *****
i always wonder, when will people accept me
when will that happen?
a week
a month
a year
never,
then when?

i sit in the corner because i have no other choice
no one accepts me
they never have, never will
and yet i still try, why?

i don't have many friends,
my old ones all left me behind
don't be the one,
to push me aside

don't be that kind of person
at first,
i thought you would stay with me forever
that never happened

you were the only person that accepted me
now your not my friend anymore
everyone else doesn't accept me
why don't you be like them too?

never live a life like mine
to hide behind a wall of insecurity
its never fun
and then to have people be so mean
so unaccepting,
it makes me want to die
pretty pretty please, just accept me
don't be them
just accept me for who i am
Sally A Bayan Dec 2013
Visitors had flown back home
The much awaited respite
Finally, was at hand.
It felt good...to be on your own
Leaning on the bed, alone, though
Still nursing a cold from two weeks past.
To catch up with sleep
Was all that mattered.

Quietude was a blessing.
There was no noise at all
At 5:00 in the morning.

What?   5:00 AM?
No rushing footsteps?  No showering?
No flushing of the toilet?
On a school day?
This can't be!

Wondered why
Rising from the bed was a struggle,
Everything seemed light...floating,
Turning...spinning
Panic lurked in all corners of my room,
Loomed, it did, and spread all around,
In the midst of a widening cloak of fear.
The vacuum...in the right ear
Cleared those fuzzy thoughts.
The
Truth
Stood out
Transparently:
My right ear could no longer hear.

Whether lying cringed or curled,
Prostrate, or supine,
Grieving, worrying
Predominated in the days that followed
Diagnoses and prognoses, all were bleak
The cruel, deadly virus did it all
The loss superceded, and
Displaced every strand of confidence
A downward pull was imminent.

No phone calls were accepted.
Unexpectedly, true colors surfaced,
Real friends came forward
Family, other voices kept whispering:
"Shibashi waits, tai chi helps,
Both can alleviate, heal the heart,
Heal the mind, to be able
To accept the unacceptable."

Fourteen days seemed a year already,
Moments spent in soul-searching
But...restlessness won.
With prayers and courage, gathered within,
I dared cross that busy street,
Though shaking, quivering from fear
And from the cold winds of February
Almost got hit by a car,
Cursed by its driver,
But reached the church grounds in one piece.
Practice started at 7:00 AM, sharp.

Movements were calming,
Healing,
Strengthening
Concentration was perfect!
It was sunny
Wind blew softly,
Carrying small things, floating, flying
Tiny strips that went with the wind
What I thought were garbage
Strips of thrash paper, from a shredder,
Thrown from a house I passed by
Blown even further, higher up
I walked back home,
With strips of paper on my head.

Two weeks were too short, I was still confused,
Unaccepting, mad, sad, felt cheated,
Still in denial, of what had occurred
Standing in front of a vanity mirror,
I pondered,
What could be God's message this time?
Those strips of thrash paper,
What if they were confetti from Heaven?
My situation wasn't a festive event!
Could I have overlooked something here?
Was God trying to call my attention?
I wasn't sure...all I knew was,
I was depressed
I lost equanimity, I lost my serenity
I was distraught, I was everything but happy.
But, those strips of paper
Falling on my head
Made me look up to the sky that morning.

There were no tears before, and even today
I am a bit afraid, but
There is a calmer me
There is solace in the fact that,
God gave me two ears
I could still hear with the other
I live quite an active life 'til now
I move briskly
I sit where the speaker's voice is clearest
To my left ear.
When something is difficult to hear, or understand,
I get so frustrated
Sometimes, I forget about it,
It has its good effects.

It would soon be seven years after
I have learned to
adjust to my limitations,
Still wanting to know how to overcome
Or resolve these limitations
One day, I might just
One day, I might just
Accept what should be accepted

I can get myself through this
I hope to be understood
And not pitied.


Early morning ,December 11, 2013
    (From journals of 2007-2008)

Sally

Copyright 2013
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
Eloisa  Jan 2023
On the Brink
Eloisa Jan 2023
I am exhausted by strength today.
I’ve often pretended to be a mighty oak fighting the storms
Often fought the strongest winds while standing there in the open
Alone and compelled to fight
My wars, and most of the time theirs
Bewildered and forlorn
Glorifying the oak in me
Yet I have always ended up crooked, scarred, and broken
Unaccepting to the message of reality
That there will always be lulls and long despairs
And a lot of battles that you cannot choose
But will still try to find someone
Who’ll help me gather the fallen sticks, my gnarled and withered twigs
To create something beautiful
While I find again my quiet strength, my calm courage amidst any storm
Tristan Rethman Mar 2016
"Do to others
As you want done to yourself"
Says the mothers
Sitting on that high bookshelf

Looking down, unaccepting
As you ****,
Her with one deadly swing
"Just rules, Jill"

The problem with that rule,
The big flaw,
My want to die, so cruel,
Breaks that law
pauldeeeeee  Jul 2011
awake
pauldeeeeee Jul 2011
there are times that i would just let my mind wander.. trying to dissipate the negativity from down under.. and sometimes it makes me wonder.. why our days of freedom have gone asunder.. i  am here to state mans divinity.. cant you see? the lies that have been layed out to runneth with oils and minerals being poured into our pockets like honey bees.. this poem will set us free.. waking us up to see all of the earths crease.. their lies will never cease.. thats why i am here to state mans divinity.. there is no more time segregation nor fear.. the time for a new age draws near.. we, the special beings down here, cry for freedom and peace.. to stop people counting 365 days a year.. are we part of the solution? or are we part of the pollution? these things aint supposed to be.. keep singing tunes and reciting rhyme schemes while holding a bag of trees, passing the time from within the seems.. our lives play like movies in dreams.. unaccepting the truths that the lies bring.. gone are the days where our hearts can just sing.. nowadays it's all about the bling.. and all the world wait for their mobile phones to go kring.. where are the times when time was just a fling.. where society actually cared about their men.. not treating them like arses and hens.. we holla at the lies being shown.. not realizing that everything we buy, they own.. our minds are being controlled and our spirits are being blown.. i am here to state mans divinity.. able to create from here to infinity.. all the hatred of the world is hatt brought me here to embrace and understand duality.. to know why we have this affinity.. it is much like a coin, there are heads and tails.. but those heads never see those tales.. thats because we catch what would eventually fail.. so i step inside myself and set sail.. to a journey from within our own grail.. to find the love that will set our goal.. that love vibration will shine so fast and so bright that it will emanate through our soul.. let that beat sing through the possibility of this positivity of this little bowl.. so i say stay away from the system.. and let teachers, teach.. let prophets, preach.. these words will never expire because of the beats of these beaches.. stop taking these leeches given to us by the men in robes to hide their faces.. changing their scenes to ruin our inner places.. our homes are invaded by brands that are faceless.. rappers spit about the incompetence of men and the riches of non-repentance.. i am here to state the divinity of man.. and yet i have spoken truths about this duality.. hope is what keeps the humility.. and love gives the vibration of our frozen cryogenic anenemity.. we must not fear ourselves.. those demons inside of us is part of the lies that they make us buy.. those are guardians.. able to protect and grow inside of us.. i am to state mans divinity.. so are you part of the fear? or are you part of the ones who want to be set free?

pauldeeeeee
1may2011
Olivia Kent  Dec 2014
UNACCEPTING
Olivia Kent Dec 2014
Last years' cherry tree is quivering bare.
Her leaves undressed, we stop and stare.
The cold is chewing at her bark, gnarling and twisting at her.
She mourns the skylark passing by.
Upon the wings of summer lost, those magical summer days.
The flowers of springtime they once lived beneath the safety of her roots.
Now, in a strange retraction they creep back in their bulbs and corms.
Hiding safely,  they're all secure from the  forthcoming storms.

The sullen eccentric female, wears her moth-eaten fur coat.
Just to beat the cold outside but, she's hiding inside.
Spying out the window.
In the corner at the back of the room, her resting husband met his doom.
She can't bear to let him go.
How long has he been there?
Nobody knows.
She goes about her business, chattering incessantly.
She's gassing about the weather, the price of fish.
In front of him his meal, remains untouched upon his dish.
It's getting dark, she feels the chill.
After parking a kiss on his icy lips.
Off to bed she creeps.
He's sitting there, still.
A blanket resting on his lap, to keep him nice and snug.
Cold coffee, complete with a film of congealed milk.
Cosy as a bug in a rug.
(C) Livvi
BIT DARK I'M AFRAID.
Amalia Eleanor Dec 2013
Laying still in my bed, I do not recognize who is laying there
Unrecognizable to my eyes, pulling a blank in my mind
Someone who once looked so familiar is now a stranger.

There’s a sadness where it once was happy
A pessimist that once was positive
A person that I used to enjoy.

The unaccepting stare is not welcoming
The negative thoughts are not comforting
The utter confusion is all but wanted.

Time goes by and no help is asked for
No changes occur
Nothing.

Finally change hits me, but still no better
For this confusion is now frustration
And this person is growing more distant.

Anger for having expectations
Anger for not caring anymore
Anger for giving up on them.

Falling off the bed, hitting the hard floor below
The only place to go is up
Until the floor falls from underneath me.

I try to stand, but don’t have the strength
I try to speak, but don’t have the courage
I try to listen, but don’t have the patience.

Finally at the bottom I look up
The eyes of the stranger are staring,
Peering inside of me.

Trying to make sense of it all
Understanding who this person is
Though difficult, I recognize them

Denial hits, I cannot accept it
I refuse to admit what I see
Because what I see is me.
L Jun 2014
At school
    This relationship is one to keep secret when you attend a catholic school. Two women (or men) aren't supposed to be together... but we're together. She's made me smile and cry and love like I never have before. People at school started to notice -- they started saying that I was a lesbian. When someone first told me that, I laughed. Laughed. Why were people spreading rumors like that? About me, a nobody? But then I realized that I can't always cover my heart with a sweater bearing the school crest. My heart is open, bleeding and spilling blood down my sleeve. It blends in with the crimson material. People are not blind.

2. Around our friends
     We didn't keep it a secret for long. I told my two best friends because I knew they'd accept me, no matter who I'm with. I was right. They welcomed our relationship with open arms. It was easier to love her then. We could hold hands and gaze at each other openly. With them, it feels like I'm home.

3. Around my family
     My family is tricky. My mom is accepting of gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders...  
But I wonder if she's accept me.
     My dad is a homophobe. If you're gay, stay away! The stubborn man wouldn't even touch you with a stick... But what would he think if it were me?
     My brother is ok.
     My sister is... indecisive towards us, After all, I'm in love with her best friend. And I didn't even get to tell her myself.
     Hiding it amongst my family members has become rather difficult. Not being able to hold her hand is a stab to my heart. Not being able to flaunt her everything to them is maddening...
"Leigh, how do you not have a boyfriend?"
"Well um er..."
Do they notice the way I act around her?

4. Around her family
    The most difficult task of all. They're so unaccepting of who she really is, that she hides herself away. It pains me to see the hurt in her eyes when they poke fun at gay people. I've seen it happen. Anger wells up in my chest and fills a cavity long forgotten. I long to scream "Look. Your daughter/sister/aunt/cousin's heart currently belongs to me. Yeah, me. Another girl."
I wonder what they'd say to that.

5. In public
     Today, you never know what a person's views on homosexuals are. They could be completely disgusted or humbly accepting. You just don't know. So I (we) have to be especially careful. Someone could explode on us, saying that two women loving each other is wrong or sinful or damning. I'm afraid of that. She closes up when I don't hold her hand or reciprocate her advances in public... I'm just afraid. Sometimes I'll face my fears and I'll grab her hand. Other times, I'll sneak a kiss. Most of the time, I steal a glance and then cannot tear my eyes from her beauty. Do people see the love we have for each other? Do they understand? Do they accept? Do they believe that all love is beautiful? Probably not... But I'll love her anyway.
For R, who I love wholeheartedly.

**
Leigh

— The End —