When I was 5 I believed love was what my parents shared. Being in love was fighting but never leaving one another. I believed love was real. Love was when a prince rescued a princess. I couldn't wait until I got old enough to have a nice boy fall in love with me and we get married and be together forever and live our happily ever after.

When I was 11 I believed love was risky. I saw my friends cry over boys in the bathroom in middle school. I could never relate because no boys liked me and I didn't have a boyfriend. I believed love was real and that perhaps someday in high school I would meet a boy and fall in love and get married and live a happy life.

When I was 14 I believed love was him. I believed love was real and I believed love was waking up every morning for school excited to see him and going to bed every night feeling content. I believed love was the friendship and attachment we had. Going everywhere together and doing everything together. I thought TRUE love was also being best friends and having the bond we had. I believed I had finally found the boy I waited my whole life for and I swore to myself I was going to marry him someday and nothing was going to stop me.

When I was about to turn 15 I believed love was a rollercoaster. I believed there were ups and downs, good times and bad times. I believed there was no such thing as an easy relationship but I was certain that ours was going to make it. I believed our love was real. I believed without him I was nothing and he was the other half of my heart. I believed we had become one person. I believed if I lost him I would lose everything and I believed neither of us would ever be able to move on. Without him there was no me. I believed it was worth it and I believed he truly loved me. And although I saw it coming to it's end, I just couldn't walk away in time before it all blew up.

When I had barely turned 15 I believed love was suicide. I believed love was the most painful yet beautiful thing in the universe. I believed he loved me, yet he left me like he didn't... without a second thought. I believed without him I was nothing and my life no longer had any meaning. When I tried to think about my life a year from then I couldn't vision anything in my head. I couldn't see myself living 6 months into the future unless it was with him. I believed there was something wrong with me and I was a disaster that no one could fix. I promised myself to never fall in love again.. I still believed love was real though...

Now that I'm 16 I believe love is dangerous. I believe that it just isn't meant for me and that I'm not the kind of girl a boy can love. I believe that I can be replaced easily as well as forgotten. I believe that falling in love is like walking a path of self destruction. Love is a risk I'm no longer willing to take. I stopped believing love was for me when he left me and now that my parents are divorcing I stopped believing in love all together. It's insane how long you can be with someone for one day just have them leave you empty handed. It's really sad too honestly. I try to stay away from it. I actually have tried to have a boyfriend since him but I can't do it anymore. It feels weird and I feel like it's a waste of time anyways. I know it will end in disaster either way so why waste months and years with someone who will just leave you one day.

Love just doesn't exsist to me anymore, it's not real.

I once believed in you
Like a promise that could never be broken
Like a song that could never be unsung
Like a grief that could not be undone

I once believed in you
When you spoke to me of forevers
Cried and said you’d never leave
Lifted me out of my self-destruction

I once believed in you
When you spoke profusely of love
When you wiped my tears unceasingly
When you told me I made you whole

I once believed in you
When you made me believe that I was family
When you gave me a home
When you wrapped me in your arms

I once believed in you
When you swore to always fight
To keep pushing each other forward
And to never let one another be anything less

I once believed
And maybe that was my biggest mistake
For how was I to know
You were not a man at all

I once believed
Then you hit me like a hurricane
Spouting lies, and falsities, and blunders
That never even occurred

I once believed
You were strong in your convictions
A man of principal and power
A real blessing in disguise

I once believed
You’d sit down with me and talk
Listen to what I had to say
And realize my heart was pure

I once believed
But each day that becomes more and more like a memory
When I see you are not the man
I thought you to be at all

I once believed
You loved me
But now
I’m not sure if I believe in that at all

But the boy told the girl,
“I will always protect you.”
And, for the first time,
She believed him.

The boy told the girl,
“You are special.”
And, for the first time,
She believed him.

The boy told the girl,
“Your soul is made of pure gold.”
And, for the first time,
She believed him.

The boy told the girl,
“I love you.”
And, for the first time,
She believed him.

I'm sorry for telling you my feelings.
I apologize for thinking you could handle me.
I'm sorry for thinking you understood me.
I'm sorry that I don't believe your words you speak.
All I can do now is say I'm sorry!

Because I believed you

I believed that you would truly love me.
I believed I wasn't your burden when I truly was.
I believed all the fake *** love notes.
I believed you wanted my soul, when you just wanted my body.
You saw me as only a prize horse to brag about to your friends.
But I still believed that you wouldn't give up on me.

**I'm sorry I believed...

I had faith in your shame.
I had faith that you would not come back.
At the very least, when you broke my heart forever.
I believed that not love, but shame would keep you from returning.

I had faith in your violence.
I had faith that you could not apologize.
At the very least, when you hurled your abuse at my fragile ego.
I believed that not love, but the violence of your judgment would keep you from returning.

I had faith in your love.
I had faith that you would not ever confront me.
At the very least, when you choose him over me.
I believed not in your courage, but your love for him that would keep you from returning.

I had faith in your pain.
I had faith that you would try to talk to me.
At the very least, when I destroyed your heart for another.
I believed not in your pride, but the pain you continue to feel would scare you away from me forever.

I had faith in your fear.
I had faith that you would erase every trace of your existence.
At the very least, when you saw my months of mental anguish at your absence in those letters.
I believed not in your good judgment, but your fear of my "instability" that would close the book on you forever.

I had faith in your cheating.
I had faith that you would absolve yourself of all responsibility.
At the very least, when you eloped with your husband.
I believed not in your vows to each other, but avoiding a difficult conversation with me would let you be silent forever.

I had faith in your respect.
I had faith that you would believe in me to find someone better?
At the very least, when I told you we shouldn't be together.
I believed not in your tears, but your belief that I would do better would keep you from ever speaking another word.

I had faith in your insecurity.
I had faith that when you found out it was your fault, that was it.
At the very least, when you cried and cried after it was all over.
I believed that you felt you had to go. Knowing, that you could never return to what we had. After you broke it.

I have faith in my letters.
I have faith that you will never talk to me again.
At the very least, when you saw them you did not stir from your place far away from me.
I believed that my words would rouse the truth of why you left. Your silence only confirms that my faith was well placed.

i told them what happened
i cried in their faces
some said "you were wearing those leggings- you know what that was saying"
some didn't believe me at first but when the tears came they heard
the pain in my voice and they believed my words
some said i didn't deserve it but at the end of the day i willing put myself in the situation
'what the hell' i thought
'i have no support"
the group message was all complaints
about them being pulled from class to help my case
did they not see my pain?
i felt all alone
like no one believed that i had said the word "no"
or that i asked him several times if we could go
and he replied "no"
my consent didn't matter
when the only way out is to climb the ladder
that's what u should do
i couldve bit and i could have fought but i didn't see how when every boy i play fight w could pin me down
and i had just bought the pepper spray that was in the compartment between us

nobody believed me
maybe he did
but he still blamed the situation on me
when you say what you say all i hear is
"you got ***** bc you put yourself in the position too"
i knew it could happen
so does that mean i was asking for it?
no
^ that's the word he didn't understand
i want to puke, and sometimes cry
other times i'm numb and feel nothing inside
i can't be alone w my love now and not breakdown
i had a dream last night it happened again
except this time i told no one
because why go through the pain of telling it and re creating it to these people
if they aren't gonna believe ya
im laying in the dark and hoping that i can ball and cry reall soon
"thank for believing"
i got to say to no one ever