I know I'm crazy..
Cuz, so said the doc
I'm sure, I'm crazy.
I love you and here's my ****.
But first, the daisies.
They're, I am, only for thee.

Said I was sweet
But no way in hell.
Slammed the door
What was I thinking?
Why'd I ring the bell?

Oh, the heartache, the agony.
Stupid, stupid, stupid Billy..

What'd I do? Can't go on living..
Think! For once... For once.
Razors! Yes!! Get 'em. Cut 'em.
Wrists lay limp and bleeding.

I tried to fly, far far away..
Landed where the cuckoos lay..

We sit in a circle. We're expected to talk.
Nurse in tight uniform, can't help but gawk.

Billy? Start the discussion, today?
N-no Mam. Got n- nothing to say.
Day after day after day after day.

In comes, the crook Murphy.
Nurse Ratched hates him..
Born a miscarriage, he liked to say.
Been away, said he, for a long time.
Girl he ******* was 15, going on 35.

Stole our cigarettes, turned the music down.
There's a game tonight, n I'm going to town.
Course, he didn't.. Fountain's too heavy.
Least I tried.. Did that much, I tried, didn't I?

They all hated him.
Envied him, but wouldn't say.
See, they'd all volunteered.
While Murphy, he really was crazy.

He became my mentor and i his protégé..
I laughed. I played. Had fun. I gambled.
I even stood up to Nurse Ratched.
That was the first time. **** it felt good.

Murphy knew. And told me too..
I wasn't crazy, don't need to stay
I didn't need doctors, nor lil pill gray.
I needed, a warm body, to make love to..

But how? And Nurse Ratched?
Why bother her? Why tell her?
She'll call a friend.. She'll call my mother..
She won't get it, Murph. She never does.
Billy, my boy, has she ever, the Big Nurse?

My friend was leaving. Party ensues in the cuckoo's nest.
Drinks, music, pretty ladies.. Crazies were in wild wild west.
Murphy whispers, she laughs. Heads my way, takes my hand.
I look back. Thank him silently. Craziest, kindest soul in all the land.

I wake up naked.. I'd made love. It was a new day.
Nurse Ratched looks at me. Like embers, her eyes were lit.
Aren't you ashamed, Billy? I was happy.. No, I say.
She says she's worried, how my mother would take it..

Emotions hit me from all directions.
Fear, guilt, shame all at once....
I beg her, Please don't call my mom
Have mercy please, won't you, Big Nurse?

All these days, I thought I was crazy..
In comes Murphy, makes me happy..
I wasn't crazy. I needed love, I was hungry.
Murph, was going out. He was a free bird.
He saw the whole thing. He didn't. Heard me cry.

It was kind of him to try on my behalf.
He's just a kid, he said, to all the staff..
But, I knew no one would cut me some slack.
Ratched wouldn't budge n I'd face the flack..

I'd had enough of this ****...
This life, this ****** pursuit.
I ain't crazy. Cuz Murphy said so, goddamit.
I lived, blissful, ecstatic. For just one night..
Wasn't that enough? Wasn't it alright?

I cut my wrists again, deeper this time..
No more drama, no pantomime..
I lived n I loved. Tis time for me to die.
I'm not crazy.. Not crazy. Or am I....??

Annoyance from the brains relased toxins I can't control. Dominance over my mind and soul. Hearing through ears on repeat remembering each peice of food on record. Dieing inside the soul from ratched cycles. ADHD, ADHD, ADHD.
I have it do you?

The Grasshopper made the
Ants work through strife
Forcing them to feed him,
While scaring a bug’s life.

Hidden in the large empty locker
Is where you’ll find little kid *****,
Trying everyday to conceal himself
From the big school bully.

Fur coats is all she wanted
But puppies she’d carelessly ****.
And dogs would cringe
From the voice of Cruella DeVil.

Wizards and witches
All magic the same
Would often speak of him
But not say his name.

Blond hair and blue eyes
Is the only way to go.
******’s the leader
So Aushiwtz you go!

He’ll keep you on the farm
Appearing to work for all
But he’s just like those pigs,
Napoleon and Snowball.

Although a fine nurse
Thought to make good calls,
You, Nurse Ratched,
Are just like them all.

He frightens me.
McMurphy.
It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt true fear but
He really scares me.
Not him as an individual of course,
In a one-on-one battle of wits or physicality
I would come out on top.
I have the resources.
But I see how he rallies the others,
and that poses a threat to my control.

I like control.
Even more than that though
I crave it, need it.
I must have control over this hospital.
Most people have control over their own lives,
It keeps them sane.
Not me.
It was taken from me long ago.

His name was Paul.
My mom brought him home one night,
calling him my “new daddy”.
I was only eight years old,
Not old enough to know this was more of her crap.
I just trusted.

I figured it out
Soon after he started hitting me.
He wasn’t any sort of father,
But he had just as much control over me.

After that I just remember
an overwhelming feeling of helplessness.
Years passed,
more men came and went,
None of it mattered.
My life was no longer my own.
I would never control it again.

When I turned eighteen,
The best part of my life began.
I joined the army.
It changed everything.
No,
I did not regain control of my life.
But I learned a way to cope.
To ease the helplessness.
I learned to take control
Of others.
It was enough
to at least keep me sane
for the remainder of my life.

And then I ended up here.
At this hospital.
An easy way of life,
Controlling the weak.
Society has already worn them down
I just need to keep them that way.
It keeps me as happy as I can ever be.
I won’t let him ruin it.
He will not take away
My last little bit of sanity.
I will have
Control.

on what side the bed she may fall out of
when 4 pm comes around,
depends , portends which one of her I come
home to.
She may be Happy hilarious good mood
Beatrice, that
is a day I cherish,
or if she falls off the end she may be sultry all go for it
Sadie , with her world of tricks lined up,
their numbers in her hand,
If perchance she never gets out the stove is cold the cats all
fuss, the dog has ****** all
over the house,
and she is comatose Katie,
She one time got off on her knees,
I came home about ten-thirty for lunch to find
a shrine built out of every ring necklace
pearl she could find piled  up in a heap
by the fireplace , and her in a sarong
chanting, she said she was Bodhisattva,
a nice day is when she arises with healing thoughts,
dresses in that white dress those hose
the comfy nurse shoes, and greets me at
the door with her stethoscope,
I say Hi,  Nurse Ratched!

he maybe ye but i am ney 01.09.18

well done for apology
bit late it did arrive
ye and ney have same biology
pulp-fiction not needed for saturday night live.
not familiar with communication
no sparkle or glitter
it would have a implication
BRB just checking no twitter.
grateful will be gandhi
so clearly made reference
just paid for yandhi
home delivery on release is preference.
trump will be buzzing
grateful for the invest
don't no about ye but ney is fuzzing
come on kanye as nurse ratched is waiting in one flew over cuckoo's nest.

Brother had graduated
With distinction
Easily obtained
Kindergarten Admission

Already done
Started good
At another school
With A thatched roof


Father Rector
Vaguely remember.
English Language Skills
Written and spoken
Was the intention
For a Convent Education

The first school
Just off the ground
Hop skip and jump
From home

Virtue in Difficulty
Motto enforced with authority
Back of beyond
The oven a bear to clean
The school of hard knocks
14 years
Hornets Nest
4 year kid
Put to test

Every year
A cross to bear
Every teacher
A nightmare

Atmosphere Anxious
Psychosis cheek by jowl with
Feel the heat
Skip a beat
Learn it all
Before you are 3 feet tall

Every Monday
Cloud on the Horizon
Tuesday
Better left unsaid
Wednesday
Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Thursdays
Hammer and anvil
Fridays
Thank god it is

Discipline and Education
Was the Motivation
Real or Mask
I'm yet to Unmask

Boys Ranked
Made to feel inferior
Fail a subject
Humiliate Parent  
For kid not being perfect
Boys branded
Humiliation  indidnity
Insult to injury
Nuremberg trials shorter
Silently stand there
Standard Convent fare

Provocative Attire
By the teacher
Didn't make matters better
Students imbibed earlier
Than required by law of nature
Sexuality brazen
Ahead of the curve
Gradation of *******
Affected permanently
Mental stability
View of women
Totally in contradiction
Damaged forever
Lasted till wedlock
Wedlock did not last

No room for sth
Beyond the pale
A square peg in a round hole
Puritanism produced swivel eyed zealots
Pursued their mania with little sense of proportion

Higher classes
No better
Tight leash
Grip never eased
Termination threatened
Repeat a year warned

Having to endure
Performance preasure
Nervous breakdown
Not uncommon
Common in classes
Standard 10 and Twelwe
Every day a living hell

Spare the rod
Spoil the child
Idiom for conduct
In this school invented

Untidy Attire
Consequences dire
Late to school
Flatten your soul
Talk in class
Break you like glass
Tarnished shoe
Wrist turns blue
Study material
Not in order
No escaping the clobber
Time at Alcatraz
A Concert of Jazz
Holidays a parole
Graduation day
Jackrabbit Parole
Diesel ride
No more required

Fourteen years
Buck Rogers time
Rigorous Relentless
Souls broken
With precision

Served *** Beef
At the Cuckoos Nest
Doing the Dutch
Break Fluids
Considered once
Watch the wind or
Bark at the Moon
World weary
Experience equals
That of a
Vietnam Vet
Faced many a bullet
But we at the convent
Had to endure
Nurse Ratched

causing percussive rumpus
to vibrate like jelly

Me experienced quite disruptive sleep
(quite early in the morning
of November 10th 2022 -
no shut eye could I keep),
hence though exhausted, I share
childlike trait of mine spouse
insufferable playfulness finds me
ready to collapse in a heap.

Missus as inquisitor a worse
fate than death expounded courtesy
the following cheeky verse
about bearing derrière perverse
antic for wife to adopt role of nurse
Ratched she of (One flew over
the cuckoo's nest fame)
the missus every smack
upon me posterior I did curse,
thus poem not for the faint of heart
some or all of material you may find averse.

Meanwhile good n plenty vibrations resonated
felt and heard round the world wide web
(strongest quaking sensations
occurred upon double mattresses atop bed
within apartment unit b44
2 Highland Manor Drive),

but woody d'ya believe
beating, drumming, flagellating
paddling, and whipping gluteus maximus
spurred surging aftershock tremors
launched rocketed tubular *****
(property yours truly).

Imagine slap happy spouse
ain't misbehavin
just being her playful
(think cheeky) self
knick knack paddy whacking

undeservedly thrashing,
pummeling, beating
the living daylights
buttucks long past their prime
formerly cute palm pilot *****,

now subjected courtesy
cruel aging process
wrought ugly human cellulite,
nevertheless I made
feeble attempts to rear up in protest

against asinine wifely antics,
while she obviously disregarded
feebly wailing for nought
me lamely uttering
friggin ****** ****** in vain.

Zee spouse ain't no sadomasochist,
she just thrills
treating gluteus maximus (mine)
as a plaything

(think cat toying with mouse)
thwacking me fleshy behind
until derriere belonging to yours truly
feels comfortably numb.

Thee aforementioned shenanigans
predominantly arise, when
wedded counterpart owns advantage,
whereby I eagerly welcome shut eye

lo and behold only to experience
mine hinny quickly getting smacked
after I barely shuttered these tired eyelids
sneaking couple winks.

What recently began as
whimsical spur of
kickstarting moment
ushering tactile kibitizing
suddenly became nightly ritual,
whereby this humble husband
meekly surrenders bare bottom

(actually partner with skewed enjoyment
at my expense)
pulls off outer clothes
plus underpants (elasticity
long since stretched out)
wallopping me ***
until flesh heavily
spindled, mutilated, lacerated,
fondled and bruised.