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Just a small town girl, living in this lonely world. Chocoholic, shopaholic, keep me away from anything expensive!!!! I love journey, P!ATD, brendon urie, and ...

Poems

Crystal Peterson  May 2018
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Crystal Peterson May 2018
.... Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 12 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 16 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 3 Days

Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 30 Seconds
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 8 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 12 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 5 Days

Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 30 Seconds
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 12 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days 17 Hours 13 Minutes

Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 30 Seconds
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 12 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 1 Week
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 2 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 3 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 4 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Months 3 Weeks 2 Days

Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 30 Seconds
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 12 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 1 Week
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 2 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 3 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 4 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 6 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 7 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 8 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 9 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 11 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 1 Month
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 2 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 3 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 4 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 5 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 6 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 7 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 8 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 9 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 10 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 11 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 and a Half Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 and a Half Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 and a Half Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Years 9 Months 16 Days 11 Hours

.... Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes

You've done it a hundred times before
But just when you thought the day would come
When you'd lose track of time
You'd forget when it was
And you wouldn't have to count anymore
You thought you were free of it
You'd made it far enough
You thought you'd gone long enough
You thought it was over....

You fall right back to zero.
derick gibbs Apr 2014
Haven't felt like myself
since you swore you don't want me
and ran the other way when I wanted a hundred
But if you did the math...
I only needed half;
I thought we were a 50-50 love affair
I lost myself somewhere in our lie
Maybe I needed time to myself
Told myself not to think about you
Agreed with myself
Told myself it's for the better
I found myself
I'm better by myself
Told myself you won't **** with my head again
I blamed myself
Forgave myself
Lied to myself
I can't help myself
Last night, again it felt like I'm in love by myself
Deathly quiet
I could hear my heart breaking
I had a long talk with myself about you
Myself don't always think like I do
I told myself I would be objective with my views
And as open-minded as my pride would allow
because I'm desperate to know
if you've fought off my love
I'm real with myself
I love myself
I can't do you
if I don't know myself first
I stopped looking for myself
a long time ago
when I could hear myself think
I'm invested in myself
Raising a child by myself
I can do bad by myself. But I won't
And can't nobody push me
to tear myself down
I hadn't felt like myself
since you swore you don't want me
I've seen it myself
Played myself
Told myself not to think about you
Disagreed with myself
Couldn't convince myself
I had a long talk with myself about you
Myself don't always think like I do
I told myself I would be objective with my views
and as open-minded as my pride would allow
because I'm desperate to know
if you've fought off my love
Cuddled up against me
but the elephant in the room
is a very real thing
I won't just let myself accept it
I respect myself
Gotta give myself more credit than that
It was already crowded on this one way
I won't forget
I'm in love by myself
I've embarrassed myself
Felt sorry for myself
I've hated myself
for being too weak
to stand without you
I lost myself somewhere in our lie
I haven't felt like myself
since you swore you don't want me
It's deathly quiet
I could hear my heart breaking
but can't nobody push me
to tear myself down
I can do bad by myself. But I won't
I don't
You ran the other way when I wanted a hundred
but if you did the math...
I only needed half;
I thought we were a 50-50 love affair

Tell me anything...
I BEAST!
OnwardFlame Aug 2018
I think about a measuring cup
The different numbers that signify
What it is.

I see a photo of an infant on the internet
My ex boyfriends infant
I see my father leaving never to return
I see myself and my mother packing up our house
I see myself sleeping among boxes
I see myself in disneyland eating pretzels
Running away from your family, my family
Because I was so exhausted
I see you telling me you are sad to leave me
I see myself ******* someone else and it meaning nothing
I see myself calling you
I see myself you not calling me back
I see me spending my whole day stressing about that very fact
I see myself wondering what to do with my hair
I see myself being less supportive of myself
I see myself thinking my voice and my thoughts must be an interruption or an annoyance
I see myself being less supportive of others
I see myself feeling a lot of inexplicable pain
With people only being able to be there for me in moments.

I see myself wishing I could get so ****** up I would feel nothing
I could wake up and not worry about the tired and hurting face in the mirror.

These are my dark realities
As dramatic
And ******* lame as that may sound.

I want to turn this wannabe poem around
I wanna write an empowering stanza now.
I have to.

I see myself taking a deep breath
I see myself exhaling it out
Another one
I see myself meditating
I see myself thinking before I speak
I see myself believing my voice is interesting and highly endowed with some truthful brilliance
I see myself needing everyone and everything less
I see myself running and jumping off the mountain, zipping high up above--7,000 feet above sea level
I see myself hiking along trails, sipping mineral water
I see myself staring at the face of the Grand Canyon
I see myself making friends who speak a different language
I see myself tanning, getting inked up
Wearing sun hats, bathing in baths
I see myself being an avid listener
I see myself not living in the past or what I hope or think will be the future
I see myself breathing into the present
I see myself knowing I reached and all I can do is reach, and then to reside in my own grounding
I see myself not obsessing in an unhealthy and traumatic way
I see myself letting the pain I've experienced make me a better human
I see myself finding and feeling secure with trust
I see myself orgasming, feeling immense pleasure
I see myself
I see myself
I see myself.