13.8 billion years
spark, space, and dust
boiling ball of gas
cold dark rock
an impossible miracle
70 billion dead
7 billion alive

me
a crystal lattice
of chemical bonds
ups and downs
forever dissolving
into a pool of entropy

a small heart
trying to make sense of it all
where have i come from?
where will i go?
in the infinite nothing
who am i? how do i know?

in the void of my anxiety
i see your beaming eyes:
two perennial stars,
a breathing soul that feels
and i know
that if death is the end
if life is but an illusion
you, my friend, were real

I will never make a difference in the world
And don’t you dare tell me that
I am strong and capable
It’s a lie
I’ll never break out of my shell
I’m not worth it and
It’s not fair to say that
I will do something remarkable with my life
The chains of my insecurities
Are powerful and I will break down
In failure where my hopes
Can be found
All I want to be
Is someone incredible
The reflection I see
When I look in the mirror:
Nothing
I am missing
The confidence to truly live
I’m starting to find
That I will never grow
It’s absurd to think
I am a work in progress

If you want to know the difference a teacher can make
Read this poem from bottom to top

people
don’t understand
spirals

it’s not something i do
because
i’m not living in the moment or
because
i refuse to attend to practical matters

i spiral
because in
every moment of
every day
my mind is
seeing and
feeling and
embracing
the biggest struggles
and smallest victories
of everyone around me

heartbreak
tears
years of hard work
dreams come true
my brain is a sponge
in the ocean wave of life

look around
the world is a whirlpool
of infinite possibilities and
of infinite reasons
to sit and think for awhile

it’s only natural
to be pulled
under

my demons work
the graveyard shift
i live my day
weightless and free
but when night comes
my demons wait
with chains for me
ready and glad
to drag me and
my dreams away